Broken

chapter nineteen

"I know I should have told you before now, and I know it must have been difficult for you to be in the dark. But I never intended to shut you out. I just didn't want to hurt you."

I look at him, but I don't know how to say what else I need to. It's there, but the problem is finding a way to string the sentences together.

"As you know, I was on my way to the airport, then I realised that I wasn't too familiar with the road and the GPS glitched before I could check exactly where I was. I pulled over at the side of the road to get some water. I heard someone behind me but something smashed into my skull before I could turn around and look at them." I point to the back of my head where my scar still aches. "It felt like a rock but I don't know. I woke up in that room, the one that looked like mine at home. I thought I was home. I thought everything was okay, I'd come meet you at the airport and I could forget the nightmare. But it was real, and I was trapped in there...and these god-awful things started happening and they wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop them from happening. They...th-"

I wipe the tears that have rolled down my cheeks.

"Aria, you can stop now if you want to. Come on, that's enough for today." He kisses my temple and puts his arm around my shoulders.

I shake my head, adamantly. "They made me play games. Sadistic, twisted games. They made me choose between everyone I cared about. They made me think they were hurting you. If I refused to do something they asked me to, or if I stepped out of line even for a second, there was a Screaming Siren that would screech until I couldn't take it anymore. It felt like dying would be better than enduring another second of the sound. I would be starved for days, dehydrated, sleep-deprived, and my shower privileges would be taken away. I'd be locked in that one room until I was dizzy and sick with boredom and claustrophobia.

He runs a hand over his face, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes.

"It gets worse," I say, quietly, wondering if I should actually tell him the rest or not.

"How can it get any worse?" his voice catches.

"A lot of what I remember is blurred. I was so malnourished and out of it, that I don't know what was real and what wasn't. Maybe none of this happened. Or maybe they were clever enough to make me question myself. I mean, I have the scars, don't I? But who knows what actually happened.

"I do remember something though; the thing that's most prominent in my flashbacks. They used to sit me in a room. It was so dark that I couldn't see anything around me. I never physically saw Alison or Nicole, only people in black hoodies. But in that room, I knew they were there because I could hear them muttering to each other. I could feel things attached to my arms and my fingers, pinching at my skin...I'd feel shock after shock after shock. The pain was excruciating; I'd never felt pain like that before. They made sure it wasn't enough to kill me, only to permanently scar me. I'd pass out and wake up covered in bruises, in pain, and feeling nauseous. Once after the Shock Session, I'd been asleep for what felt like hours, and I woke up covered in blood. I didn't know who or what I'd hurt, but the guilt plagued me for weeks. It still does."

I can see the anger boiling inside of him before he talks. "You know what? I hope the police find them and let them rot. What they've done to you...I don't have the words to describe how vile they are."

"Ezra..."

"No, Aria. The thought of them makes me sick."

"I know. But please don't let them in." I place my hand over his. "If it wasn't for the thoughts of seeing you, my mom, my friends, and mike again, I don't think I would've lasted past the first month."