Broken

chapter seventeen

The argument still echoes in my mind in the following days. But I don't know if I feel prepared to talk to mom about the things Mike said yet.

"What movie do we want to watch tonight?" Mom asks, placing a large bowl of salted popcorn down on the coffee table.

Part of me wants to bring the argument up but I'm unsure of what to say; I haven't even asked her to sign my letter for New York yet or told her about my trip with Ezra.

"Anything you want, mom," I say, when Mike continues to stare ignorantly at his phone.

My heart hammers in my chest and the words fall out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Mom, Ezra's asked me to go travelling with him for my gap year and I told him yes. There's also a class trip to New York and I need you to sign the letter for it." But the words come out a bit too fast and jumble together.

"Aria, slow down. What did you say?" she asks with a light laugh.

"There's a trip to New York in a couple of weeks for my AP English class. I need you to sign my letter."

"How much is it?"

"Affordable."

"Okay, let me sign the letter." She gestures to the folded-up form I'd tried to hide in my hands.

"Mom, there's something else..." I say as she scribbles her signature on the dotted line. "He wants to take me travelling for a gap and I told him I'd go." I chew on the inside of my lip, nervously waiting for her to chastise me. But it doesn't come. She's calm when she speaks.

"Aria...no. I can't let you go with him."

"Mom...I know you don't like him but I need to do this."

"I like him just fine. But you're young and you have your whole life ahead of you. You need to realise he might not be the one."

"I don't want to think like that. I love him. And I'm going."

The room falls silent.

"That's fine. But please don't come home crying to me when he breaks your heart."

A few days later when I arrive home from school, I change straight into my pyjamas and shut myself in my bedroom. My friends told me they were worried when I missed days from school, and numerous times, they tried to bribe me outside with trips to the movies and to restaurants. I refused their offers, fearing the need to come home early.

Then there was Ezra. He called at the house a few times but my mom explained everything to him. We spoke on the phone a lot but whenever he'd ask to see me, I'd come up with another excuse not to.

The days were monotonous: eating, sleeping, showering, until my mom insisted I schedule an extra appointment with my therapist. I told her it wasn't a good idea; I was worried that she'd tell me what I already knew. That I was having another setback. I didn't want to admit it to myself. I didn't need this right now; not before New York, my finals, graduation, or mine and Ezra's trip.

"Aria?" Anne's calm voice snaps me out of my daydream.

"Hm?"

"What is it you came here to talk about?"

"My mom insisted."

"Okay. What made her want you to come here?"

"She thinks I'm having setbacks," I say.