Behind My Killer Heels [3] | ON HOLD | OLD VERSION | INCOMPLETE

Chapter Seventeen

"She's stable." I breathed with relief. The woman that lay on the hospital bed was finally at ease. Her bleeding had stopped and her vitals had stabilised, evening out, much to my relief.

The only other person that was with me in the room was the nurse. She looked over at me with a small smile.

The woman that we had stabilised, Anna Markham, had been mugged and stabbed three times in the stomach. When she was rolled in by the medics she was in critical condition but with the help of the nurse we were able to stop her bleeding and get her back to normal.

"Do you need help cleaning her up?" I asked the nurse. The woman who strangely resembled me just shook her head. She had my same caramel skin, dark curly hair but instead of dark brown eyes she had piercing green eyes. Her name was June but that was all I really knew about her.

"It's okay, Dr Clarke, I'll handle it." she replied softly. I nodded as I dismissed myself from the room quietly.

It wasn't until I was in the staff chambers, trying to make some coffee did I realise how tense I was. My breathing was stiff and my hands were trembling a little. I took a seat with the coffee in my hands, the sofa plush beneath me.

I intended on staying in here for some time, if they needed me they'd page me. My hand drifted to my neck where my necklace hung under my scrubs. I fiddled with it, lost deep in thought.

I wouldn't be able to tell you what I was even thinking about.

"Clarke!" Jake pulled me out of my thoughts by plopping down next to me on my couch. His sudden, heavy movement caused some of my coffee to spill out onto my hand. Lucky for me it was lukewarm at this point but that didn't stop me from wanting to kill him.

"Jake! Are you mad?" I growled. He chuckled and slung an arm over me.

"Rarely, occasionally...frequently." he laughed. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a napkin from the coffee table to wipe my hand. "Aww damn, should I take you to the Burn Unit?" he asked mockingly. I glared at him and he just smirked.

"It's like you want to be murdered." I muttered. I sat back on the couch, closing my eyes for a second.

"You're not gonna fall asleep on me, are you, Clarke?" Jake stood up as he spoke. I could hear him fixing himself a cup of something as the kettle boiled once more and I heard the fridge open and close. I stayed silent.

I heard Jake say something but his words were lost to me as I lost myself in thought.

"Hey, Clarke!" he sat back down next to me and I opened my eyes, looking over at him. "What is going on with you today? You're barely here."

"Sorry." I chuckled nervously. "It's been an intense shift." I sighed. He glanced at me, slightly concerned.

"What's up, newbie?" he asked. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes after he called me a newbie. I hesitated to tell him so instead I just asked.

"How many patients have you lost?"

The question seemed to catch him off guard but he shrugged after taking a sip from his cup.

"I never counted." he replied. I looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "Look, Megan, if you start counting the amount of people you can't save you're gonna drive yourself insane."

"I don't count." I defended softly.

"Good."

"Because I haven't lost a patient." I added.

"Yet." Jake corrected. I looked at him and he looked sorry for what he was about to say. "I hope you don't expect to save every single person that comes through those ER doors because if you do then you need a serious reality check. We're doctors, not miracle workers, you need to acknowledge that there's only ever so much you can do."

"Thanks, Jake, I really needed to hear that. The cherry on top of my peachy day."

"I'm just telling you what you need to hear." he shrugged. "I'm sorry but it's the truth."

I stood, putting my coffee cup on the table.

"My break's over." I muttered. "See you around, Dr Rawlins." I left the room and walked into the pasty white hallway. The fluorescent lights were suddenly too bright and I was getting too hot but I had to get my head back in the game, I was at work and I had to keep a straight head despite the fact that the events with the woman earlier had me a little shaken.

Even hours later when I was at home, doing online Christmas shopping I couldn't shake the uneasiness in me.

I needed to shake it off though because I needed to focus on the shopping I was doing. I was the Queen of Procrastination so last-minute shopping was my thing and after I discovered online shopping it became my thing more than ever.

My online cart had a bottle of vintage wine for my father and a set of gold cufflinks for my dad. I was aware of the fact that I had to get a couple of other gifts for people but I was so worn out from the day that I just decided to go to bed which wasn't actually a brilliant idea.

I spent a good hour, twisting, turning, kicking my blankets off, putting them back on, fluffing my pillow, defluffing it and even then I couldn't fall asleep which bothered me deeply.

I couldn't pinpoint what was keeping me sleepless but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with what happened today but also the fact that I'd been having this empty feeling, like I'm missing something. It's a feeling that'd been bothering me for a while now but I had to sort of suck it up and move on because I didn't even know what was the cause of it.

I was just desperate for a little sleep because tomorrow I was looking at another 12 hour shift and I couldn't shuffle through it like the undead.

I convinced myself that if I lay still and closed my eyes then sleep would come to me... I really hope it worked.

A/N Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. GROSS! I absolutely hate this chapter but it's what I could muster up after my terrible writer's block. I think I still have it but I'm not even sure but I figured I need to push through all the filler chapters so the story can get moving along again.

Sorry you guys had to suffer through this chapter, I promise the next will be better and it will be here a lot sooner too!

xoxo

K