Inside My Mind

36. Breaking News (But How Do You?)

Night of: 4/9- 10/17: I'm afraid to tell my dad that grandma died. My uncle told me over text... Yeah text. I fear he won't hold together well with this news. I told my uncle that he should tell dad via phone call, and actually talk about it.

I didn't want to tell him when I learned the news because we were out, and he needed to be able to function and drive. I'm afraid news like that would effect his ability to focus and use good judgment. So, I kept it to myself.

"How did she die?" Well, she's had a stoke before, a long history of high blood pressure. And she wasn't one to follow doctor's instructions. She didn't like talking meds. She didn't cut her salt consumption, and, being that she was both prone to falling and 95, it was pretty hard for her to really keep active.

Though, I do give her credit. She kept up an 80/20 vegetarian/omnivorous diet for decades of her life. And, in her family tree... Unless you really screw up, you're likely to make it to your 90s. All her siblings have. Now, only her younger sister is left of the 5 of them. I hope she is handling this well.

He will find out. Just not tonight...
I can't do that to him tonight. I can hear the rain outside,  past his light snoring. It takes a lot to get him to sleep now.  He used to sleep so easy.  Now,  he has to take something or wait for exhaustion to take him out.  Not unlike my insomniac self... Losing mom 2, almost 3 years ago... It's been really hard for him.  It's changed him a lot.  His sleep pattern, his reactions and perspective, his emotional/mental stability... I feel it's going to be a hard day for him. 

After he knows, the news can be spread to friends. And, once again the condolences will pour in. Which of course will be weird. Oh, and we only just saw her last week.  It's only been a week since I last saw her.  Since he last saw her. That's crazy. 

Update: 4/10/17: He finally told him.  On the phone.  Dad is kinda mad at me.  But I expected that. I just wanted my uncle to tell him.  Not have me do it for him.  I mean,  a pass it on via text?  No.  I just feel bad that I had to keep it from him... I'm sorry about that.

More thoughts:  they keep saying it was quick and painless for her... But was it really?  You mean to tell me that she was having a stroke and felt nothing? I don't believe that.  And if I'm right,  and she did feel it... Was it really that quick then for her? I doubt that. I just don't see how that can be.