Love Me at a Distance

"Why do you always think you're going to lose me?"

Camila was sweeping the kitchen. Lauren and her had been kind of... okay lately, she supposed. Lauren was busy with school but Camila was busy with her art showings. "Shit," She mumbled to herself as she knocked over Lauren's school bag. About a dozen letters fell out. She narrowed her eyes and bent down, looking over each of them. She felt her breath catch in her throat. Los Angeles. Portland. New York. Miami. Houston... Phoenix. A bunch of different schools and hospitals.

Lauren had just gotten back from a run and yoga in the park. It was something that she did to relieve stress as her and Camila began fighting more. It was also a good break from school work. When she got back Camila was cleaning the apartment, so Lauren quickly went into the shower. Once she was done she dried off and slipped on her thong and oversized t-shirt. She walked out of the bathroom still drying her hair. "Hey, babe...can" Lauren stopped in the middle of her question because she saw Camila standing by her backpack reading something. She dropped the towel and began walking toward her, "What are you doing?"

Camila grabbed the letters and placed the on the counter. "I was sweeping and I knocked over your bag. These fell out." She ran a hand through her hair. "I thought that you were just applying locally. At least that's what you told me..." Camila couldn't do a long distance relationship. It wouldn't work and Camila couldn't afford it. She sighed. "Why didn't you tell me, Lo?"

Lauren felt her heart sink into her stomach. Camila got a hold of the letters before she had a chance to tell her girlfriend. Lauren just stopped walking. She turned around and sighed, running a hand through her still wet hair. She knew that this was going to be a hard conversation, which is why she didn't want to bring it up just yet.

"I got most of those today. Some of them came earlier this week." She turned back around to look at Camila, "I was going to tell you...I just didn't know if I would get in anywhere local, so I had to branch out. I needed other options." Lauren didn't want to admit it, but she kind of didn't want to stay local. She had lived in the area her whole life and was ready for something new,

Camila frowned. She sat down on the bar stool and nodded. She hoped the woman would stay local, but now she had a feeling that wasn't going to happen. "I just... I don't want to lose you. And I have a feeling that if you don't stay local, I will." She looked down and shook her head. "You go where you want to go, Lauren." She didn't want the woman to go to Portland, or Seattle... or LA. She wanted her to stsay here. But if Lauren wanted to branch out, then fine; there was nothing she could do about it.

Lauren sighed. She was getting tired of Camila's insecurities lately. She knew that no matter where they were, whether together and local, or together and distance, that it was going to be tough. She was going into a 7 year surgical residency. She would be busy all the time. "Why do you always think you're going to lose me?" Lauren asked rather harshly. "Do you think I'm not good enough to be faithful to you?" Lauren asked. "And, why is it that any time we talk about this...you always assume things aren't going to work out...for fucks sake we've been together for 10 months, Camila."

Camila clenched her jaw shut. She hated how Lauren was talking to her right now. Camila didn't do anything wrong. She sighed, "I know that you're going to be faithful. I also know that we won't see each other a whole lot and it's going to suck! And long distance relationships never work. If you think they do, you're fooling yourself." She ran a hand through her hair.

Lauren was getting frustrated. "It doesn't seem like you think I will be faithful...you just constantly keep nagging at me for not being available enough as it is when I'm doing my school work here." She knew she shouldn't be taking this out on Camila, but it was frustrating her. Maybe it was her own fault for coming here every weekend, even when she was really busy.

"I don't know what you want me to do." Lauren paused. "I love you, and I want to be with you regardless of where I am." She sighed. "I just wish that you felt the same, because now I feel pressured to either choose you or my career." She leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. "Why can't I have both?" Lauren asked, upset.

Camila shook her head. "Lauren, when you're here, you ignore me. You don't talk to me until you're done with your work. I understand that, but it kind of hurts when you don't even acknowledge me. I asked you what you wanted for breakfast this morning, and you said 'that is fine'. If you're busy, then don't come by. Because I think it hurts more when you're here ignoring me than when you're not here and ignoring me."

Lauren put her head in her hands. She didn't know if she could deal with any of this...but she was trying to get better at staying and talking about things instead of just leaving when she gets overwhelmed. "So what you're saying is you would rather me not come here at all and not see you for weeks instead of coming here, doing my work and spending the rest of the night with you." Lauren asked... "Please tell me how that would work...you don't do long distance relationships...and that's practically what it would be if I were to stay home every weekend that I have things to do for school."

Camila sighed and nodded. "You ignore me when you're here, Lauren. When I go to bed, you're still up. When I wake up, you're passed out on the couch or chair or something. You make this trip to spend time with me, I get that. But you don't spend time with me... I want you to make time for me... Is that too much to ask?" She looked down.

Long distance relationships didn't work. Lauren should know this. She was smart enough. "I don't know how it would work, Lauren. I'm just tired of people who claim to love me chose things over me... It's happened to me so many times before and... I don't want it to happen with you. That would break me."

Lauren shook her head. "Whatever, Camila. I'll stop coming if that's what you want." She stood up and took a deep breath rubbing her temples. This wasn't good for her...fighting with Camila was just adding more to the already stressful weeks that she was having. "Remember that when I'm not here...you asked for it."

She made a move for the bedroom. "I'm gonna take a nap now, because I'm tired...you know I stayed up too late doing my work..." Lauren said sarcastically, pausing and tilted her head to the side, pretending to think. "Oh wait. No. I was up late having sex with my girlfriend, because you know...I don't pay enough attention to her."

Camila watched as her girlfriendwalked off. She let her head fall to the counter and banged it against it a fewtimes before standing up. She slipped her shoes on and grabbed her keys. Sheneeded air... She walked down the stairs and into the streets of New York. Shehated fighting with her. She just wanted to be with her girlfriend. She went tothe closest bar and disappeared for a while.    

AN: Rough times ahead? Everything in the Camren world can't be rainbows and sunshine all the time.

Side note, I'm super freakin happy because I got to meet my two little nieces for the first time this weekend! :) Hope everyone has had a lovely Easter!

As always, I hope you enjoyed!