Sinister Ego : Dangerous Minds

17. Talk

The cell seemed even darker than usual. Damper, more depressing. It was just me and Rin again, alone, with no one to talk to but our dismal selves.

I balled my fist and slammed it against the cold stone wall. My hand reddened as pain swallowed it, but I didn't even feel it. I was too distracted by the mind numbing confusion that latched itself on my brain like a bloodthirsty tick, refusing to leave me alone. Confusion, for me, was the worst feeling in the world. For Ricky Alexander, harsh confusion is extreme ignorance, and extreme ignorance is an all expenses paid ticket to absolutely nowhere.

I have to know. I have to calculate, I have to comprehend.

Especially in a place where death constantly stares me in the eye.

I kept trying to understand what Father had told me, but none of it made the smallest, most minuscule sliver of sense. Nothing about this place did. It all seemed supernatural and unearthly, something from a fictional novel rather than the real world. I wanted to know what Father was, I wanted to know why people followed him so readily. I just wanted to know.

"You ok, Ricky?" Rin asked from the corner of the cell. He was strumming the air with his fingers and clutching empty space as if holding a guitar.

"I'm fine, man," I sighed. "I'm just confused....I'm just angry."

Rin creased his eyebrows. "And what are you angry about?"

I sent him an incredulous look. "What am I angry about? What is there not be angry about? I'm angry at everything. This whole damn retarded situation. I'm not just angry at everything. I hate everything, too."

Rin gave me a smile, but it carried more sadness than happiness.

"I hate life. I hate my mother. I hate religion. Why do they have to be like that, man? Forcing their beliefs on you and shit. And if you turn it down, then what? You're nothing to them. You're a speck. You're below them. They shut you out. If they claim to love God, then how come they just believe in him, and don't do anything he teaches? What God would want their worshippers to be like that? It just baffles me."

Rin eyed me with an expression I couldn't read. "What did your mom do to you?"

I paused. I wasn't ready for that question, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know rather to be upset or not.

So I just asked.

"Why?"

Rin shrugged. "Well, we're so damn stressed and afraid here, maybe a heart to heart would be good for us."

Rin began drumming on the side of the wall with his fingers. I looked down at the floor.

"My mother threw me out like I was a giant piece of garbage just because I didn't believe in her stupid ass God. I was always forced to worship, and now Father is doing the same. Forcing us to stay here, forcing us to sleep in these cells, forcing us to eat that shitty food. Forcing us to fear for our lives. I'm so tired of it."

"So you blame religion for all this?"

I looked down at the floor again. "Well...yeah. I guess I do. If there was no religion, maybe my mom would have treated me like a real son. If there was no religion, we wouldn't be here, forced into whatever the hell this shitty place is."