Tunnel Vision » Ziam AU «

Chapter Twenty Three

He doesn't see Liam for four days. And he's okay with it, he really is, truly, honestly. The time apart is good for them, he thinks. Gives them some much needed space to sort out their thoughts and feelings, considering that they haven't been away from each other for more than an hour or two since they've started this whole thing.

He's not okay with it.

Zayn is accurately aware of how pathetic this is, though, so he acts like he's okay with it. With the fact that Liam is always quick to get off the phone with him, shoots down every suggestion for them to hang out with some sort of excuse and a promise of, "I'll see you Tuesday, when we leave for your parent's house."

So he's had Harry and Niall and Josh over almost every day. He tried to get Louis over, but Louis is always busy, too, and it's probably good not to have him and Harry together anyways. And it's nice, just hanging out with the three of them. When Josh and Niall decide to separate their mouths and actually join in the conversation, Niall always manages to pull Zayn out of his mind for a laugh. Josh is more perceptive than even Harry, and he pulled Zayn aside twice just to make sure he was okay. And Harry is almost as good as Liam to cuddle with, so Zayn spends a majority of the day with either his head or his feet in Harry's lap while they watch Lord of the Rings and then The Hobbit, pausing every half hour to explain to Niall what's going on because, "Wait, what does the ring actually do?" "Isn't that Sherlock's boyfriend?" "Yeah but didn't Dumbledore die last movie?" "I've watched this entire series like three times but I swear I've never seen this guy in my life. Which one is he again?"

On Tuesday he spends the morning packing and getting ready. They're renting a car and Liam's going to drive (Zayn still needs to get his licence, but he's still putting it off because the thought of driving still kinda freaks him out) the five and a half hours to Zayn's parent's house. If he's still coming. Zayn doesn't think he is.

Packing doesn't take all that long, though, and he's stuck sitting there on the couch, blowing through cigarette after cigarette as he waits for Liam to call him, or text him, or just show up. And it's irritating him. Not Liam, but his own reaction to Liam. The fact that he feels so ridiculous dependent on the guy when, six months ago, he didn't even know Liam Payne existed. How does someone worm their way so affectively into someone else's life so quickly?

That's not really the issue though, is it? He doesn't mind that Liam has crawled under his skin. He doesn't mind that Liam has pushed himself into every empty piece of his soul, filling in the gaps that he didn't even realize were there. It's the terrifying realization that he would be so, completely lost if Liam decided to remove himself from those spaces. Because it's easy to go through life with missing pieces when you have no idea how it feels to be whole, but how do you go back to that when you know what it's like to be complete? He's not sure that he could, and that— that's what terrifies him.

Actually, that's a pretty fucking good analogy, he thinks, and he's about to get up and take his shoebox out of his suitcase so he can write that down, maybe use it at some point for something, a song or maybe he should start writing poetry. Fuck, Liam Payne has effectively turned him into the type of person that actually would write poetry about his feelings. Maybe it'd be a good thing if Liam didn't show up today. If he kept avoiding Zayn. If they stopped seeing each other and his life went back to normal. Or as normal as it ever really was.

Before he can get off the sofa, though, his phone vibrates in his pocket. He pulls it out, glances down at the screen, and grins. Outside in the car hurry up! he reads before stuffing his phone back in his pocket. He forces himself to calm the hell down and slowly make his way to the door, grabbing his suitcase as he goes. He's not going to act like some neglected golden retriever that gets all excited, tail wagging furiously when he sees Liam like they've been separated for five years. He's not.