Shape of You

Chapter 1

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck," I slammed my laptop shut as I threw my pen across the room. Of course my sisters would decide to have a start of summer weekend at the lake. And of course they would call me out for the lies I told them about the boy I met while here in the city.

It had been almost six months since I had last seen my sisters. I moved to the city as soon as I could, as soon as I found a job that would help me pay my half of the rent. I wanted out of that small town, I had to walk away before the memories, the ghosts haunted me forever. The city was my fresh start and even though neither of them understood, they let me go.

Feyre and I talked at least once a month on the phone. She kept asking me how I was doing and she told me that Tomas still asked about me. What she didn't understand, even though I always changed the subject, was that I didn't want to know about Tomas. I didn't want to know about anyone in that small ass town because they were the reason why I left. The only reason I talked to Feyre was to check up on her and Elain.

They were the only family I had left. They were the only ones who mattered.

Sure I missed them. I missed my sisters, but it wasn't enough to make me go visit home. I wasn't homesick, I was content here in the city, in this new life I had made for myself. I loved my job at the bookstore. I loved the fact that I could walk everywhere and that things were open well into the night. But most of all I loved the fact that no one knew me. They didn't know the secrets that had been whispered behind my back. They didn't know how Tomas had tried to ruin me.

They didn't know that he had almost won that war.

I read Feyre's email again. Our lake house, the only thing our father had left to us. The lake house that had sat unused for years until we were old enough to realize the benefits of having that big house that sat right there at the water. The only reason we still owned it was because it was completely paid off. That and somehow Feyre and her fiancee were able to keep up with it.

The lake house where so many things had happened. So many things hadn't happened too. There had been parties, there had been underage drinking. But mostly there had been tears. From me.

I pushed away those memories and looked at my computer. What was I supposed to do? I had started the lie to make my sister feel better. For her to think I wasn't all alone out here in the city. Because she didn't understand that I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to be with someone who hurt me, who could destroy me. Not after I had been with Tomas for so long.

But I couldn't tell her that truth. Not when I had fed her enough lies to make this boyfriend seem real. She was happy for me, she didn't worry about me because she thought I had someone taking care of me. I didn't need someone to take care of me. Just like I knew Feyre didn't need her fiancee to take care of her. But it was nice knowing she had someone steady. She had someone real after the horrors that Tamlin had dealt her.

My sisters didn't know about Tomas. They didn't really know much about why I wanted to leave. It had been different when our parents died. I could've left and they would've understood. But I stayed until they were finished high school and then when Feyre announced she was getting married last year I up and left. I didn't even say goodbye I just left a letter explaining I needed to find my own way now that they were both able to take care of themselves.

I pulled my hair hard, trying to stop the tears from filling my eyes. I didn't cry, not easily. But I got teary eyed when I was frustrated. I couldn't tell them the truth. So what was I supposed to do? I squeezed my eyes shut and the door to my apartment opened.

"Fuck me this can't be happening."

"Nesta!" I jumped at Rita's voice, "you seem agitated."

I met my roommate Rita at the bookstore. She was leaving for another job and I said something about needing a place to stay. We hit it off right away and I didn't hate living with her. Sure our apartment was small, smaller than the home I had shared with my two sisters. But it was ours, I paid rent and I had my own room. Rita didn't nag me about my mess and I didn't nag her about hers.