Shape of You

Chapter 9

Cassian didn't even knock he just walked into the bedroom. I wouldn't look at him as I pulled my hair out of its braid. He waited, trying to see if I would give. But after what he did, how he insulted me, laughed at me, I didn't want to talk to him. We were back to where we started. Further than that really. I hadn't been as angry with him as before.

Finally he broke the silence when I stood up off the bed. I started to turn away from him, but he cleared his throat.

"Nesta hey. I'm sorry," he grabbed my hand, "but you weren't focused and that can get you hurt. It can let Tomas win."

"You didn't have to laugh at me," I spit the words at him, "you didn't have to act as if training me out there was a fucking joke, Cassian."

His eyes flashed, "I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing at the way you were standing. Okay sorry," he held up his hands, "it wasn't a joke to me Nesta. I swear to you, I offered to help you. I wouldn't ever make fun of you."

The anger inside my chest died slowly as I watched his eyes simmer. It was all there inside those honey brown eyes, he was telling me the truth.

And I realized I was doing it again. I was finding a reason to run, a reason to push someone away. I was trying to ignore everything good about the person who broke through my walls and find that single reason, one stupid reason why this would never work. I was shutting down when I should've been opening up. I looked at Cassian and I realized standing there I didn't want to push him away.

And that scared me more than anything else. Because I wanted him. I had never wanted someone the way I felt my heart, my body yearn for his.

I held his gaze for a second longer, letting my heart run through my emotions. There was fire in his eyes and the fight still simmered inside of me. I let out a slow breath but I didn't want to fight with words. Suddenly Cassian understood and he pushed me back against the wall. His mouth collided with mine, a storm of teeth and lips battling as our bodies crashed against each other.

His hand ran down my thigh, his scent filled my lungs. It had been so long since I did this, so long since I had wanted it. My mind screamed to stop, to give into the fears and self doubt I always did. But Cassian was soft, his touches sweet. I didn't want to stop.

"Nesta," he moaned my name against my neck and my knees gave out. He picked me up, keeping my back against the wall. My fingers brushed his scalp, pulling at his hair.

His lips moved towards my chest, "don't think you're going to fuck me against the wall," I wiggled as his hand slipped under the band of my shorts.

He groaned as I pushed him back from me, his eyes lit with amusement. With something I had never seen before. Not directed at me anyways.

He let my feet touch the floor and the moment they did I pulled him towards me by his shirt. I kissed him hard, pushing him backwards until his knees hit the bed. He fell down on his back, I climbed up and straddled his waist. I could feel him, he was already there.

"Nesta," he stopped as I pulled my shirt up over my head and then went to try and do the same to his. He helped me discard his shirt and then took my face in his big calloused hands, "hey, sweetheart. Are you sure?"

I bit my lip. He was willing to stop. He was already there, ready, and yet if I said to stop, one breath of uncertainty and he would pull the plug. Cassian was a better man than any I had ever met. I leaned down, my chest touching him. I kissed him slowly, his hands never moving from my hips.

"I'm sure," I whispered against his lips, "I want you Cassian."

He flipped us over and pulled my hand up above my head. He kissed my jaw, my nose, his fingers lacing with mine, "well then. Let me show you exactly how I feel about you."