ashukanunah

rant four ♚ zayn, natalia, and her hot friends

The next few rants are to be about boys since I have so many things I could just SCREAM about, about them.

I'm going to use nicknames for the people I talk about for future reference.

In this rant you shall endure the pathetic wrath story of ZAYN MALIK. (no not the actual one from one direction, this is the nickname I'm giving this particular guy and if you don't like 1D, TOO FUCKING BAD)

So the lovely Zayn and I met a couple years ago, I was a new girl at his school.

Zayn is pretty unpopular, so was I, but even I made fun of him for a while. He was just odd, but INSANELY GOD DAMN RICH.

HE HAS HIS OWN DAMN YACHT AND A GOLD ROLEX WATCH, AND IS IN A BAND AND HAS THAT SWOOPY BROWN HAIR AND A DEEP ZAYN MALIK VOICE NO JOKE. (YES THIS SO MAKES ME SOUND LIKE A FANGIRL GOLD DIGGER BUT YOLO)

Anyways, so he's not very popular to the extent if you were to say, "Oh I was talking to Zayn today," people would say "EW WHY WERE YOU TALKING TO HIM? HE'S GROSS."

ZAYN IF YOU SEE THIS I'M SORRY BUT FFS.

Fast forward like a year or something like that. I've moved from England to this rad new flat in Germany. (yes I'm making nicknames for countries too GET OVER IT BIATCH I CAN DREAM TOO)

Basically my friend Selena Gomez (yes another nickname, not the real one) gave Zayn my phone number. We obviously started texting and crap and he seemed pretty nice then.

HAH WHAT A LOAD OF BULL SHIT.

We kept messaging eachother and He said something like "if you come back to visit we should meet up"

So of course my mum had a trip planned already to go back to visit for this wedding.

My best friend (at the time) Natalia Kills missed me a whole lot so I was like, "Why not stay with Nat because she's super awesome too?"

Yeah so I go and stay with Natalia for two weeks in september/october, and during then England has this thing called the Pumpkin Festival.

FFS IF YOU ACTUALLY ASK SOMEONE IF THATS REAL ILL STAB YOU BC IM DISGUISING NAMES FOR EVERYTHING.

So of course Zayn just HAS TO MEET ME.

We meet and it's SUPER awkward and Natalia and her best friend, AUSTIN FUCKING BUTLER THE HOTTEST GUY IN THE SCHOOL, (I'll do a rant on hot guys at school later) ARE WITH ME AND ITS LIKE RAINING. Yeah and so me and Zayn hug and are like "yeah we should meet up again before you leave!"

And we depart ect.

------- NATALIA KILLS HAS A SHIT TON OF HOT MALE FRIENDS I ACTUALLY WISH I WAS HER AND LEGIT AM JEALOUS OF HER BECAUSE UGH IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY, SHE HAS IT SO EASY COMPARED TO MOST PEOPLE ------

So, (sorry this is a long story and I'm not even at the extreme ranting part yet) after like 3 days and a ton of ZAYN CALLING ME BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP LIKE HOW EFFING CUTE OMF, ZAYN AND I GO ON A DATE.

SEVY'S FIRST MFING DATE LIKE WOO GOTTA GET ALL PRETTY FOR ZAYN BECAUSE ITS ZAYN FUCKING MALIK.

We went to see, A MANLY MOVIE BC SEVY IS TOO FABULOUS FOR ANY OTHER KIND OF MOVIES, the movie Taken 2 starring Liam Neeson.

Ya and I'll rant about this next part in a separate chapter so this isn't too long.

So he talks during the majority of the movie because FUCK YOU ZAYN ITS A FUCKING MOVIE THEATRE SHUT THE FUCK UP.

AND ZAYN DECIDES TO DO THAT "SNEAKY" wrap-arm-around-your-seat-move that most guys try to do.

OBVIOUSLY I WASN'T JUST GOING TO BE LIKE "NO ZAYN YOU CAN'T PUT YOUR GOD DAMN GOOD SMELLING ARM AROUND ME."

Fast forwarding a lot, he kissed me exactly 3 times.

SEVY HAD HER FIRST KISS WITH THIS LITTLE FUCK AND I WOULDN'T TRADE THAT MEMORY FOR MUCH.

The movie ended, it was really good.

He told me he'd text me later and we hugged and went our separate ways.

A DAY LATER (and I thoroughly encourage you to take your hate out on him through commenting on this chapter and if you don't want to use Zayn as his name you can make up one) HE FINALLY TEXTS ME SOMETHING LIKE "Sorry for not texting you, I think we need space. I'm not very into the whole long distance thing."

So I reply and I'm all upset and shaking because WHAT THE FRICK DID I DO WRONG?

He stops replying and I didn't hear from him for about 2 or 3 MONTHS.

"Sorry my phone fell in the road and got run over, I miss you"

****I AM SO DONE RIGHT NOW, LIKE NO. I ALMOST CHOKED HIM WITH A TAMPON STRING****

FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKY FUCKER!

So I text-yelled at him and he was like okay I'll stop bothering you.

AND THE AMOUNT OF GIRLFRIENDS THIS GUY GOES THROUGH IS INSANE.

LIKE NO (this is my rant part) IF YOU'RE A GUY AND ARE GOING TO KISS ME OR MAYBE ANOTHER GIRL, DON'T FUCKING DO IT UNLESS YOU ARE ALREADY SURE YOU WANT TO BE WITH HER. ZAYN ALREADY KNEW I WAS LEAVING AND HE HAD NO RIGHT.

I DONT CARE HOW DAMN GOOD YOU SMELL ZAYN, OR ANY GUY WHO DOES THIS TO A GIRL, I WILL CASTRATE YOUR BALLS.

AND THE REASON I'M BRINGING THIS UP IS BECAUSE HE HAD THE NERVE TO SEND ME A FACEBOOK MESSAGE "I miss you" "hug me" "here's my number"

If you don't know me, I'm too nice for my own good around people. (I can be an evil bitch too though so watch out)

So I obviously was nice to him and IDK WHAT TO SAY TO HIM ANYMORE I MEAN HE'S CHILL AND CAN BE PRETTY NICE BUT IF YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE PLEASE COMMENT/MESSAGE ME IT BECAUSE ZAYNS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME PRETTY SOON.

Just kidding he isn't going to be, this other guy (I'M RUNNING OUT OF CELEB NAMES??) ETIENNE/FRAN LACHOWSKI, is going to be the death of me LITERALLY. And if you've read my story His Smile, that's the same guy as I'm talking about. (I just changed his name to Etienne so no one would be like wow you're screwed) His Smile is seriously a true story, not every bit of it obviously, but the hidden allegory in it is very factual.

LESSON OF THIS RANT -- DON'T BE A ZAYN MALIK, BE A NATALIA KILLS WITH ALL THE HOT GUYS FOR FRIENDS WHO ALSO IS JUST AS RICH AS ZAYN.