Oblivion

chapter 2-"little fag"

its been a week since the hallways incident and surprisingly -not really- nothing changed . I would've assumed they would've gotten suspened or .. maybe even expelled but no . they didn't . and they still torture me and I just let them .

dad-if I can even call that horrible man that- has been doing it more lately . any chance he gets . the other day mom went out for a small meeting and it happened . it happened later that evening too . im starting to feel worse and worse about myself because who wouldn't ? I feel like im trapped and im to scared to even attempt to get out .

I feel like I just got stuck in a bear trap and someone just left me there to die .

im currently sitting in biology class . over the past week I noticed that zayn is in my class and he sites 2 rows in front of me . ive also noticed how he has lots of friends but not like popular kids like the weird ones that no one else talks to . hes really funny and sometimes I smile because he loves to argue with the teacher and it prevents us from doing work . ive also noticed that ever since I met him hes been the only one that's manadged to make me smile . a -some what- real smile .

I look out the window and sometimes I just wish my life would be easier . I mean im not that bad of a person am I ? ive never stolen or gotten in trouble . ive never gotten in a fight or back talked . so why did I get this ? why cant everything just be simple and relaxed and beautiful like nature . sure there are thunderstorms and tornados . but theres much more behind nature than that . its delicate and so interesting no one would probably be able to figure it out ever because mother nature works in mysterious ways . I continue looking out of the window not really paying attention until the bell rings and im forced back into reality .

I grab my bag and walk to the cafeteria but of course something always has to go wrong . I fall to the ground with a groan I look up to be met with none other than chris and his posse . "get up fag" he spits before grabbing my collar and pulling me up . I know what gonna happen next . hes going to beat me along with his budies then ill be left there to limp to the bathroom and clean myself up . although I wish that one of these days someone will help me .

I see his fist recoil back and I screw my eyes shut tightly because here we go again . "HEY !" I hear someone yell and it sounds familiar like ive heard it somewhere but its far away and I cant hear it due to the fact that I can practically hear my heartbeat . I slowly open my eyes and see that chris is looking to his left and I turn to see none other than zayn .

but why would he be here ? he'll probably beat me up too . he starts walking towards us his hands balled up into fists . as he gets closer I realize that chris isn't holding me by my collar anymore . zayn finally gets to us and he scowls at chris . I thought he was on chris' side ? but then again he did save me the other day .

don't be stupid he probably felt bad for you

and I cant help but feel sad because maybe my thoughts were right . "leave him alone he hasn't done anything to you" zayn says to chris pulling my arm and pushing me behind him . woah why is he helping me ?

"can it weirdo he deserves everything he gets , hes just a little fag" chris spits out looking directly at me and I feel as though hes right because maybe I do deserve this . but suddenly chris is on the floor hand clutching his bleeding nose and I gasp because holy shit did zayn just hit him ?

I look up and see zayn towering over him "don't you EVER say something to him like that again" he says before grabbing my arm and pulling me away . and buy this point im really confused .

1)zayn just saved me ... again

and

2)why would he do that ?

he stops and I realize were in the bathroom . "are you ok ?" he ask and he gives me this look that practically screams 'I feel so bad for this kid'. I huff and turn away from him because yes he did save me but maybe that was bad . what if chris just has another reason to beat me up and by this point im panicing because chris is big and he knows people and what if he sends someone to kill me .. but then again isn't that what I want ?

"uhh .. yeah t-thanks" I stutter and damn why did I just do that I should be kissing his feet or something or punching him in the nose . but I don't I just slowly walk our of the bathroom and go outside to sit in the football field and admire the beautiful scenery in front of me .

I sit there and breath in the fresh air surrounding me . its nice . peace and quiet . I close my eyes and imagine a world where im happy . a world where people didn't care that I was gay and a world where his father didn't do such horid things to him and a world where he doesn't get beat up every day at .

and somewhere along all that imaging i find myself laying there arms and legs spread out staring up and the blue sky . yeah that would be a nice world . I think to myself . if a place like that actually existed everything would be perfect . and as I lay there I hear foot steps get closer and closer to where im laying in the middle of the football field . then the person is laying next to me . arms and legs spread out and eyes looking towards the sky like me .

I turn my head and see none other than zayn . hes just laying there looking up with those beautiful golden eyes of his . he turns his head and looks at me and now where just laying here staring at each other . "is this where you go every lunch break " he says but it sounds more as if hes saying it to himself but I respond by shrugging . I sit up because I was enjoy this until zayn came I mean hes nice and all actually hes great considering he saved my ass twice but this is practically the only alone time I have .

I stand up and dust myself off and zayn just sits there giving me this look as if saying 'your leaving already?' i sigh before walking away and i really, really, really hope he doesn't follow me . when i enter the school i look back and sigh in relief when i don't see zayn . i turn back around and start walking home because i honestly don't feel like staying in this hell hole any longer but then again i don't want to go to the other hell hole either . maybe i should just stay here ... fuck that ha .

i walk to the front of the school and leave through the double doors . its only about 2:45 so theres still like 2 hours of school left so i would have to walk around for 2 hours . maybe i could go to the park yeah that'd be nice . i start walking to the park and soon enough im at the park sitting on a bench and staring at the kids run around and play . it kind of makes me upset because as a kid i never did this i always stayed locked up , hiding or if i did go out i would just sit there and avoid all human contact . i sigh and look at my lap and think once again .

lately ive been thinking . a lot , as in too much to be humanly normal .

i suddenly feel sad and tears collect in my eyes because i wish i had someone to help me and get me out of all this shit but then i realize i don't and my sadness turns into anger because i have no one . i realize that ill probably be alone forever because im to afraid of everything and im to afraid to ask for help . and then i hate myself for being so utterly useless and worthless .. i guess those are the same thing but .. i feel like they have different meanings .

soon enough i find myself walking back home waiting for whats to come . i take a shaky breath once i reach home and open the door only to find the house completely empty . for a minute im greatful because finally one day without him tormenting me for what feels like hours . but all the happiness vanishes when i see their bedroom light on . why did i even get my hopes up . i say to myself feeling once again stupid for thinking like this . i sigh once again before going to my room and pushing my dresser in front of the door because hell no im not letting this happen today . i strip all my clothes off and slip on a plain white t-shirt with my plaid pajama bottoms .

i snuggle into the blankets of my bed and stare at the ceiling . i wish someone would save me from this hell im living in . but i know now not to let these stupid thoughts get my hopes up .