Oblivion

chapter 19-stuck

I'm so sorry for not updating ):

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I don't even know how long it had been since that sleepover- if you could even call it that- at zayns house. After that day we never talked about what happened. Louis asked but I didn't say much. Niall was still the same I guess. I could still feel his eyes linger on me longer than normal but I guess that's expected when someone likes you right? Zayn was normal towards me I guess. All was normal I guess.

Except for Perrie

She seemed to be around more than we'd like- well me, niall, louis and harry. Although zayn said he didn't like her his actions sure showed the opposite. She would do that annoying thing where she would giggle at dumb stuff and he would smirk tilting his head to the right slightly. It made me mad but my opinion was irrelevant to them, everyone.

At the end if the day louis meets me in the hallway, "Liam you wanna come to my house? Haz is coming too an I promise we won't make out in front of you" louis gives me puppy dog eyes and harry just smirks at the making out thing. I cringe just thinking about it but nod anyways. He fist pumps before grabbing my wrist and Harry's big hand and leading the way.

"How long have you and Lou been together?" I ask harry quietly not really liking walking in silence. He smiles fondly before answering.

"Since middle school can you believe it" he shakes his head but still wearing that big grin and with so much love in his eyes.

Sometimes I look at them and can't help but smile. I mean their perfect for each other. At times I find myself wondering if I will ever find a love like theirs. It's incredible how.. How in love they are. It's crazy.

"Welcome to my humble adobe" louis says as we walk through the front door of his small flat. Apparently louis lives alone because his parents are assholes who kicked him out for being gay. He works at a book stores which surprisingly pays good and I never seemed to notice. Not that I asked because its not really important I guess. To me at least.

As we walk in there's a small table by the door in which he throws his keys on. There's a large couch in the living room with a tv and a small coffee table. It's plane but I think it's nice. Harry immediately takes his boots- which look as old as dirt probably- off and jumps on the couch leaving no room for us.

"Harold your like as tall as a giraffe please make some room" louis says teasingly as he smacks Harry's legs making him sit down right. He pouts but louis is quick to kiss it away causing me to shudder.

"Sorry" louis says with a shrug. "So what's up li you seem a bit... Off" he asks and harry nods in agreement. I shrug because really everything is wrong but I'm not about to tell them that.

"Just tired" I reply just like I always do. That seems to be a good excuse though because they just nod. For a while we just sit and talk about school before Perrie gets brought up making me roll my eyes.

"I don't really like her she seems a bit .. Snobby" louis says without hesitation. I laugh quietly agreeing however. He can be so sassy sometimes.

"That's mean Lou" harry says in a bit of a scolding time which makes him roll his eyes. "I think she's pretty and she seems nice" harry says and louis scoffs. Harry can be so nice sometimes it makes me want to hit him. Woah no I mean he's to nice it's almost impossible to make him be mean.

"I don't like her .. She's a bit mean" I reply quietly. Louis quirks a brow in question. "I just mean .. Like she told me some stuff but that was like a long time ago" I try making it seem like it's no big deal. It really isn't, most of what she said is true. But I mean at least I'm not mean and snobby like her right?

"Did she say something to you" harry asks concerned. I just shrug not wanting to make it a big deal.

"Nah just stupid stuff don't worry mate" I say hoping to get off of the subject. They look sceptical before louis changes the subject, me not really paying attention.

I stayed for about another hour or so before leaving saying ill see them tomorrow. The walk home is dreadful. Surprisingly dad hasn't done anything except hit me. Not that that's any better it's just I guess .. Less traumatizing. Or I don't know anymore overall I just wish it would stop. Jessica hasn't made an effort to keep our pact so I sort of just stopped caring about her again. She stopped coming around and stopped socializing with me at school so I just sort of stopped trying with her.

As soon as I walked in he slammed me into the wall forcefully pressing his body to mine.

"Where were you liam" he whispers in my ear in a low deep voice. I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my fists tightly to my sides.

"At a friends house" I whisper always inaudibly but he heard because he laughs. He grabs a fist full of my hair and pulling giving him full access of my neck. He places rough kisses on my neck before pulling me up the steps the tears already falling from my eyes.

He pushes me into his and my moms bedroom and slams the door locking it. He throws me on the bed him already pulling his shirt and pants off while I try to make myself disappear. He walks over completely make and all I can do it close my eyes and go to my happy place when this happens.

As he begins to undress me and touch my body I imagine myself in that perfect world I always dreamed of. The one where people smile and you can walk down streets and everyone knows your name. As he thrusts into me I clench my eyes tighter and imagine walking through a meadow with the lads and being happy. The sun heating our bodies up as we play football. As he grunts and tells me how tight and good I feel I imagine myself growing old with the love of my life with kids and just being happy. As he finishes off and leaves me on the bed I'm forced back into reality.

I climb off of the bed slowly wincing in pain and grabbing my clothes, wiping my tears and exiting the room and into my own. I walk into my bathroom and turn the hot water on. Stepping in, feeling the burn the hot water leaves on my skin. Instantly becoming red as I sit there emotionless for what feels like eternity before the water goes ice cold. But I dont make a move to get out. I just sit there and think. Which is always bad but you can't help it.

I sit and shiver and feel my skin get wrinkly but I don't move. I sit there wishing that this eternal filth could go away but I know I'm stuck with it forever. I know that it won't ever go away and I know that this isn't going to change. I feel stuck- I am stuck.

I finally turn the water off and get up looking in the mirror. My lips are a bit blue and I look pale. Not that anyone would notice right?

I had been doing so good and now I can feel myself crumbling. I feel like I had been walking in a muddy swamp an I was finally managing to get free only to be stuck again. Sinking slowly with every step I try to take. I can feel myself getting stuck again and I don't want that.

I'm getting stuck and nobodies here to pull me out

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[im so sorry. School was over last week for me and that's no excuse for not uploading but I went to New York and I just got back yesterday so I pinky promise more uploads. Love you ]