Its now 2017, roughly 5 years since this horrible mess all started. Over the past 5 years I've had so deal with some of my darkest days and I've also made some of my best memories.
I can't remember if I've explained this or not, yet I have a lot of people question why I work night shift. It isn't a very glamorous thing, being abused on a regular basis having to clean up vomit.. that sort of thing. I work night shift because of the insomnia, funnily enough it actually does help. Even if it's a little bit.
The other question I get asked frequently once I've told them why I work night shift is "why do you habe insomnia?" Yes I know people are curious and I don't really mind talking about this, it just gets repetitive always telling the same story. Yes I have a positive out look on it these days and it definately wasn't always like that. I always get told that I'm so brave and that it's so amazing how I don't let it get to me. The truth is it still gets to me even though it's been so long, And sometimes it's that bad I can't do anything. there have been times where I've had to call in sick because I physically cannot handle what has been happening in my head, normally though I'm not actually sick.. I don't think my employers would appreciate knowing that though.
None of this is really the point though, the point is I tell my story because you never know what a smile is hiding. Or how long they have been hiding behind that smile. How do you know what someone is really going through? I'm so open about this even though I'd much rather forget it all happened because even if I could help just one person I'd feel like it hasn't all been for nothing. You don't know if your words of kindness could be the thin that changes someone else's mind on going home and committing suicide.
Some people find it reassuring to know they aren't alone, to actually hear what someone else has gone through and they are still here to tell the tale. At one point I was a blank canvas, now I'm covered in multiple scars that I'm proud of. Proud because it shows how far I've come. I have piercings and tattoos, these are all apart of my story and quite frankly I don't care what you think about it, if you think it's trashy and unladylike. I never said I was those things anyways. This is my story and as long as I'm existing I will tell it.
JE LEEST
Dear Diary...
Non-fictieHere's the thing.... We all get bullied in some way, shape or form, or we have all seen it and done nothing about it. I would like to be able to say that everything in the upcoming pages is absolute bull, and that I just have a sick twisted mind...
