Merlin - One shots

Xx Gwaine x Arthur xX

Hope. That tiny glimmer of something indescribable in the distance. That thing, heavenly object, to strive for, to believe in. To be constantly because that's how to get through a day.

Yup. Hope is for suckers.

No hope. No disappointments. Set the bar as low as possible and that way under-achieving is an achievement in itself. That is the key to becoming me, a constant heavy cloud of natural depression - if it is natural and normal no one questions the pessimistic attitude.

Perfect way to life.

My fingers brush against feathered strands of fallen angles, blessed golden brown in the Summers evening. The plant twists round my knuckle like a bandage and covers an abundance of ancient lines etched into skin. I want to curl into myself, among the grass and sunlight and watch as the Flies and Bugs crawl and zoom against a falling sun.

But I have a job today so no can do.

Distance voices of men who recognise a different part of my soul only call to me across the field. A smile tugs at my lips as Arthur slaps my back and hands across a cold beverage.

"Gwaine when are you going to use that?" He asks pointing at the quill in my palm.

Ink has spilt from the tip to my fingers and stained under my nails. The feathers are forlorn and broken, hanging limp from the strand of bone. It looks like a mess.

I take a sip of the brew and sigh as the familiar sensation of alcohol takes its toll.

"I was thinking of becoming a poet," I say and grin at Arthur's surprised face. "Yeah my first big poem would be 'Why Gwaine should be the king of kings."

"More likely to be 'Gwaine. How many taverns visited in a night-the poem." The comment earns Arthur a clip on the arm and a laugh be no harm was intended.

The sun has finally suck below the horizon and we are cast into a faint darkness, a of a sudden I can barely see Arthur other than the glint in his eyes or the liquid he drinks against the glowing moonlight. The atmosphere turns sombre and I have the sudden desire to move closer, to maintain the happy go lucky conversation from minutes before. So I do the only sane thing.

"Arthur permission to lay my lips on yours?"

The gasp of horror and wide eyes was a conformation enough. I spring forward in the grass and grasp his face in both hands, with a quick, practised motion I dive in and peck.

The usual thrill of intimacy was replaced by a knuckle to the face. My body jerks backwards and I land elbows first in the grass. A small flock of neighbouring birds fly towards the sky in surprise, I don't blame them. I'm shocked.

"Well that was just rude." I complain and Arthur snorts, glancing over I struggle to hide a smirk as he looks like a bright red slightly gone off tomato. Or one of the drunkards who has forgotten to breath at the tavern.

"Gwaine?" He asks slightly more serious than I guess he felt. I make a noise that sounds like a yes for him to continue. "Let us never speak of this again."

Confusion hits me like a hammer to the face, most men would joke about this stuff but not Arthur. Maybe he really is infatuated with Gwen, that's sad. He will never know the feeling of a romance between guys.

Arthur turned, his face had returned to the jovial quite humourless colour but as he stared into my eyes I couldn't help but think he was searching for something.

"What's in your head Gwaine?"

Rather than answering I take a large swing of the drink in my hands, once I feel slightly more at ease with myself I speak.

"Honestly. If I knew I would tell you."

"Well when you find out, maybe you'll stop drinking."

The statement was meant in a humorous way and I smiled as Arthur stood up and clapped my back so hard I rock forwards. But part of my brain was calculating, maybe if drink numbed my pain was it's also removing my ability to fight it? What would happen if I stopped? I guess the world will never know...

"Gwaine?" Arthur yells already halfway across the field, more birds squawk and zoom across the sky. Turning around I barely catch the faint smile on his lips as he spoke again.

"Your not a bad kisser. But it's me not you."

And there we go. The fastest relationship I have ever been in but maybe the most meaningful in its own way. Perhaps there is room for hope in my head, I just have to start searching for it. 

AN: 

....

Yes. 

Kitty Updated.
After how many months she lost count. 

Yes. 

It is extremely short. But. OMFG ITS AN UPDATE PRAISE THE LORD. 

In short (like my update) exams and school stress, which are almost over whoop, have meant that even writing out an update has been near impossible. So after the next fours the updating scheme of me writing whenever I become inspired - which is slightly more often than never WILL RETURN. 

In other words I would like to thank y'all for the flood of votes and comments I have been receiving in the past couple of months - each one of you is a star and I love you all. And together we have almost hit 2K WHAT ON EARTH?!? I never could have expected to reach 500 readers let alone 2000! Thank you so sos sos sososos sosososososo much!

 What would you guys like to see next? I'm thinking of something more humorous rather than deep. But if any of you have something in particular leave a comment and I shall see what I can do! 

Anyone else notice this is the longest AN I've ever done?

Anyways

Thanks for reading!
Kitty out!

^,~