In A Relationship With Lu Han

XXIV: What's Mine

ERRORS AHEAD

I've been doing my best to update ASAP. Please stop leaving comments asking for another update. I don't vomit words. :(

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I gathered all my courage before I sent the text message that I've been rereading for an hour now.

To: Seokjin-ah
Let's stop this.

My heart jumped when my phone started ringing.

Seokjin-ah calling...

Oh, my gosh! What am I going to tell him? I knew he'd call, I knew it! But I didn't know it'd be this fast! Isn't he busy? Doesn't he have any schedule today? Biting my lip, I answered the call.

[What is that all about?]

My knees trembled when I heard his voice, he sounds so confused. It was a good thing that I was sitting because I probably collpased on the floor if I wasn't. How can I even say this without breaking? I seriously don't want to hurt him but there's no other way. I don't want him out of my life but that would be too selfish of me to keep them both. I cleared my throat and lowered the volume of the television, "I-I just think we should stop, Seokjin-ah."

[Did I do something wrong? Why do you want this to stop all of a sudden?]

I swallowed air. Please don't make this harder for me, Seokjin-ah. "I just don't want to be unfair to you, Jin. I don't want to cause you pain. Let's end this befo—"

He cut me in, [Did you get back together?]

I wasn't able to react, I felt guilty. It is true that while Jin was trying to help me move on, I ran back to what broke me and that probably made Jin look like a fool. "I'm sorry," my voice cracked.

In whatever I do, I always end up hurting someone. It's either me, or Jin, or Luhan's girlfriend but who freaking cares? This time I'm saving myself, this time I am choosing what makes me happy. I am selfish, yes. But I already started this without reservations, might as well continue it while it lasts.

I dropped the call before he speaks again. I'm sorry, Jin. Maybe right now is not our right time. You'll find someone else soon. I was disrupted from my thoughts when my phone rang again but this time, it's Luhan who's calling.

[Why is your line busy?]

Oh, Luhan. I just broke half of my heart just for you again. "I...I talked to Jin." Silence was all I heard on the other line, it wasn't deafening nor uncomofortable. It was the kind of silence that I needed, a silence that made me feel like I wasn't alone. It was more of a pat-on-the-back kind of silence and I badly want to thank Luhan for giving it to me but I just didn't. Not now, it doesn't feel right.

It took few more minutes before he spoke again, [Do you feel sad, hm?] his voice was filled with sincerity and concern. I felt it, it travelled down to my heart and I couldn't even be more contented.

I lied on the couch and shut my eyes, "...yes."

I heard him sigh, [I'll go there after the photoshoot. Just rest, okay? I love you.]

I was emotionally exhausted to even reply, the next thing I heard was the dial tone. I skipped my job today just to finally get my shits together and tell Kim Seokjin. My guilt was eating me alive and the hours I spent thinking of how to tell him was a mental torture. In the end, I must have hurt him for sure.

A LIGHT tap on the face woke me up, my eyes were still adjusting on the lights when I heard Luhan speak.

"I brought food, babe." He was sitting on the floor just in front of the couch where I was lying. "I didn't want to wake you up but it's time for you to eat." Slowly, he rose up and offered to help me stand.