zap! ; joshler

orchid

tw: homophobic slurs

joshua hated this. he hated everything about the situation. the whole thing was fucked up and he wished there was a way he could get out of it.

brendon thought the whole thing was hilarious, constantly teasing joshua and reminding him of the task he had to go through with. he knew he had no choice, as the outcome would be much worse if he didn't ask tyler out. he would automatically be seen as a pussy, and he couldn't have that happen.

so joshua swallowed his pride, looking back at brendon with pleading eyes as he approached tyler who, like every other day, was sitting alone. brendon nodded encouragingly, watching the whole thing with a malicious grin on his face.

joshua sat down next to tyler, the petite boy cowering away at the sight of the curly haired boy.

"p-please le-leave m-m-me a-alone," tyler pleaded, his doe eyes showing complete fear as joshua stared into them.

"i'm sorry about the other day, i really am," he said, giving the boy his most charming smile. "i didn't mean any of what i said."

"so-so y-you d-d-don't th-think b-being g-g-gay is-is w-wrong?" tyler asked, sounding so hopeful and making joshua's heart hurt a bit for the boy.

joshua took a deep breath, speaking the next words, no matter how false the statement was. "not at all, because i'm actually bisexual."

tyler raised his eyebrows in surprise, perking up once he heard the words. "y-you're b-b-bi?"

"yeah," joshua sighed, "i'm bi."

tyler's cheeks tinted an even brighter shade of pink than they naturally were, not being able to hold back the grin that overtook his features, showing off his braces and dimples. the smile was contagious and joshua found himself smiling as well, silence overtaking them before joshua was frowning once again, remembering what he was there to do. he really hoped tyler would say no, but something in him knew the boy would say yes in a heartbeat.

"can i ask you something?" joshua cleared his throat, clenching his hand in a fist and digging his nails into his palms.

"i-i g-g-guess," tyler shrugged, taking a sip of his juice box.

"will you go out with me?" joshua rushed out, holding his breath as he gauged tyler's reaction. the small brunette gasped, doe eyes widening.

"r-really?"

"really," joshua agreed, despising himself so much when tyler frantically nodded and buried his face in his sweater paws, giggling happily to himself because joshua dun just asked him out.

"d-does th-this m-m-mean w-we're b-b-boyfriends?" tyler questioned, joshua feeling like he was going to throw up from how disgusting he felt.

"sure. let me give you my number, yeah?"

tyler pulled his phone out from his pocket and opened up his contacts, handing it to joshua so he could enter his information. joshua decided it was the least he could do, especially since he didn't intend on actually texting tyler. he felt like an asshole but he couldn't let himself focus on that too much. he had a reputation to keep up with and he wasn't going to allow this one thing to get in the way of that.

"i've gotta get going," joshua awkwardly chuckled, slowly standing up as tyler solemnly nodded. "see you later, ty."

he let the nickname slip out unintentionally, cursing himself as he prayed no one had heard it. tyler's smile took over his features and he waved goodbye, joshua knowing that the tiny brunette had heard it.

he slumped onto the bench next to brendon, scowling at his dark haired friend. brendon didn't seem to notice as he bombarded joshua with questions, falling into a fit of laughter because joshua had actually done what he was supposed to do.

"good luck with that," brendon chortled, very obviously referring to tyler. "don't let him turn you into a faggot."

it took everything in joshua's power to not snap at brendon, telling him not to use such a word. he grew up being told not to use slurs like that one, and it upset him greatly when he heard it, especially coming from his best friend. he tried to ignore the anger that was boiling in his veins, his gaze set on the boy who was now his "boyfriend", a sense of remorse weaving into his chest, tangling through his ribcage and wrapping around his heart.

regret began to eat away at joshua and he wished he hadn't led tyler on, but it was too late now.