zap! ; joshler

bluebell

joshua had come to a few conclusions after an hour of researching different sexual orientations. he wasn't straight, he wasn't gay, he wasn't bisexual, and he wasn't asexual. those were definite. he was debating whether or not he could be pansexual, but then he would hear the voice in his head reminding him that tyler was the only boy he found attractive and liked, and it took him a while to even realize that.

so he kept looking, searching through various websites trying to dig up more information. and that's when he came across demisexual. he had never heard of that and it intrigued him so he continued to read on, heart thumping rapidly in his chest. demisexual and demiromantic were described as being unable to form sexual and/or romantic feelings for someone without forming an emotional bond first, regardless of their gender. it made sense.

debby was the first real crush that joshua had ever had, and he thought debby was pretty when he first met her, but it wasn't until they were seated next to each other in history class in eighth grade and he got to know her better that he developed feelings for her. and tyler. he didn't think anything of tyler for the longest time. he never looked at him as anything more than just an awkward classmate that he felt bad for because his friends bullied him. but then he had to ask him out because of that stupid game and they started talking, getting closer and closer with each day that passed. it was like he woke up one morning and his whole mindset changed; suddenly tyler was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. it took him getting to know tyler before he could see that.

joshua knew he didn't have to put a label on anything, but it felt right when he quietly mumbled 'i'm demisexual' to himself as he sat alone in his room with only the light from his laptop illuminating the dark space. he liked how easily it slipped off of his tongue and pleasantly rang through his ears.

he felt like a weight was lifted off of his shoulders and he could sleep peacefully that night with sweet dreams of tyler, his mind not having to worry about what it meant. he liked tyler and that was that.

⚡️

joshua tumbled out of bed and groggily made his way to the kitchen, yawning as he sat down at the table. he watched as his mom made breakfast, which seemed to be pancakes, and he went over the words he had planned to say to her. she brought a plate of pancakes to the table and got the maple syrup from the fridge, serving joshua his breakfast. she seated herself across from him, smiling warmly at him as he began to eat.

"how'd you sleep last night?" she asked.

"oh, i slept pretty good. i went to bed early." that wasn't true, he went to bed after midnight but he wasn't about to tell his mom that.

"that's good," she said and joshua nodded along, finishing up his first three pancakes.

"can i talk to you about something?" joshua timidly questioned, heart racing as he looked at his mother.

"of course you can, honey. you can talk to me about anything." she reached out and put a comforting hand over his own.

the words the pink haired boy had prepared were lost in his jumbled thoughts by now, mind going blank. "i, uh, i'm, well, i like tyler?" his words came out as a question and he cursed himself for it.

"i know," laura simply responded as she sipped at her coffee like her son didn't just tell her that he liked a boy.

"you know?"

"joshua, i'm your mom. i know everything," she chuckled and joshua slightly deflated in his seat. "you're dating him, too, aren't you?"

"what the heck?" joshua was dumbfounded and his mouth hung open in surprise because this wasn't going as he planned, but he didn't exactly mind.

"i love you, honey, and i'll support you through anything. i'm so happy that you told me. tyler is a lovely boy."

"he really is," joshua dreamily sighed before he could process what he was saying, too distracted to care. "can you keep this between the two of us for now?"

"of course," she assured, standing and pressing a kiss to his forehead as she cleared their plates. joshua excused himself from the table and went back up to his room, crawling back under the covers as he picked his phone up from where it was charging on his nightstand. he knew he would have to get ready for school soon but he had some extra time.

joshua: good morning ty

tyler: morning!!

joshua: r u feeling better

tyler: a lil bit :)) i don't have a fever anymore so that's progress!!! i'll probably be at school today

joshua: awesome

joshua: do u wanna do something after school today if ur up for it

tyler: i'd love to :D what are we gonna do???

joshua: idk we can come to my house and go on a walk if u want

tyler: yes! that sounds so nice :0

joshua: ill see u in class

joshua: bye tyler <3

tyler: bye joshua <3

•••

i'm watching big hero 6 and i'm crying bc it's the fire scene :'((

i wanted to incorporate josh being demisexual bc i've never seen it in a fic before and it's not talked about very much and it's always nice to incorporate stuff like that.

you guys are all so sweet and you make me so happy with your comments!!! i love you guys :')
-carina

p.s. can you believe that i'm -SOFTJOSEPH cover aesthetic??? like wtf i love emma so much i feel blessed