The Rogue

XXVI

*Rian*

My father argued me the whole way home. Even though he was tired—even though we were all tired—he still thought this was an appropriate time to nag me.

We can't keep doing this, he snapped through the mindcom. You keep losing her. Every time you lose her, you lose a piece of yourself. I can see it chipping away at your soul.

I am doing the best I can, I countered just as fiercely. If you would like to question my judgment, you can also step down from the Beta position.

My father sighed. All I'm saying is that animas aren't meant to spend this much time apart. It's going to crush you.

What am I supposed to do about it? She's not exactly happy with me at the moment.

Well, maybe trying to rip her father's throat out wasn't such a good idea.

He is the reason we are in this mess. I don't regret what I did.

You will when she refuses to forgive you.

I didn't know what to say. Could she really never forgive me? Did I really screw up that bad? My mind was spinning with all the possibilities. Time seemed to be the only real answer. Faye needed time to get over this and understand my motivations. Maybe even forgive me, if forgiveness was what I needed. I needed time to wrap my head around all of this.

When we'd left for Nevada last night, I had been certain I wouldn't be leaving without Faye. Yet now I was doing just that. Nothing ever went as planned with her. Perhaps someday I would finally come to terms with that and stop expecting her to be predictable or normal. After all, I certainly wasn't either.

Why did Nature choose me? I wondered.

Time will tell, my Beta faithfully answered.

It should have chosen you. Or Michael. Or anyone but me.

There's a reason for everything.

We reached our street, so I called my pack into formation once more. Annoyed grumblings went around the group until I silenced them with a glare. It wasn't like I didn't want to head straight for bed, too. I transitioned into my human, aware that I was too exhausted to mindcom everyone, and started the short speech I felt obligated to give.

"You all did well today," I told them, "and I know you're all confused. Our circumstances are very...complicated. Your efforts were worth it, I swear by it. We made a show of force to the Rogues, and I know that we could take them should the situation call for it."

Their doubts and curiosity floated around me. I could feel their emotions so powerfully, which was strange considering I wasn't currently a wolf.

"The next extraction I make to retrieve Faye will be more strategic," I added. "We will rescue her next time. I will rescue her next time. Anyway, your duty is over for now. You are dismissed. Get some rest."

Though most of my wolves dispersed, Titus and Sarah lingered. They approached me once everyone else had left. Sighing, I nodded at them to hurry. I was exhausted, just as I was certain they were. Titus shed his pelt and paws to stand before me in his vulnerable human chassis.

"What happened?" he demanded. "We were so close to bringing Faye back. Is it because you attacked Brian?"

"You don't need to know the details," I growled, instantly feeling guilty at the hurt look on his face. "Speaking of Brian, what made you think it was a good idea to bring him into the chaos? If I hadn't tried to kill him, anyone else might have."

"It wasn't up to you to decide, Rian. His daughter was mixed up in all of this. That's something you and I can't even begin to imagine. He just wanted to make sure she was okay."

"Until he ordered his wolves to attack us!"

Titus set his jaw, coal-black eyes flashing with irritation. "If we had settled a more peaceful negotiation, maybe agreed to let Faye visit him, it wouldn't have come down to that. The attack may have been his backup plan. We don't know. We'll never know if he doesn't survive, and that is on you."

Heat poured through my veins. My patience was wavering. One more offense and my temper would fly. I clenched my fists in an attempt to ground myself.

"I will deal with the consequences of my actions," I hissed. "Don't concern yourself with that."

"Except your actions affect the entire pack. So do the consequences."

"Have you considered that your lack of faith may be why you aren't Beta right now?"

Silence ensued. The color drained from my face. Where had that even come from? I couldn't believe those words had just left my mouth. Titus' face dropped from shock to fury. Brows furrowing, he spun on his heel and stormed off. Sarah whined up at me, her wide chocolate eyes pleading with me, but I turned around and rushed off.

Maybe I meant what I said.