The Clan Part 1: Lost (Monsta X / Reader)

"The Clan: Lost" and It's Meaning For Me

So I know this isn't an update for my story (I'm still writing it), but I just wanted to take this moment to inform all my readers about some things that I feel I should express.

A fellow classmate of mine died today.

Now, I know for a fact that this won't hit me as hard as it'll hit some of my other friends because I have never really known him on a personal level. In fact, he was a grade ahead of me. But my school is small. Everyone knows everyone. I knew him well enough to know that he was a great person. My dad informed me of his passing and I cried.

It's not my place to explain how he died or any other details whatsoever. This may or may not be something that I should be sharing at all - I don't know - but this unfortunate event explains almost every lesson I have shared within this book.

Before I go on I would also like to say that about a year or two ago, one of my sister's classmates committed suicide. Again, I'm not going into detail but this is important for my later explanation.

I know that this story is just a fan-fiction for a famous K-pop group and I know that their video might not be as deep and thought provoking as we all think it is. However, as an author, I wanted to use my ability to expand on the ideas and create a story that holds value. A story with lessons that could possibly reach a person's heart and make them see the world in a different way.

My goal is for readers to envision themselves as the character and learn how that character deals with obstacles by learning that character's way of thinking. That way, I hope that the reader can take what they've learned and apply it in their own life. I don't expect everyone to do that and I definitely will not be upset if the readers don't. I only want them to walk away with that seed of thought planted in their mind for them to ponder.

This book is not just meant to be a possible romance between Monsta X and the reader. Obviously, since there isn't a specific character like the reader in the original "All In" music video, the only reason the reader is even there is because she's supposed to be asking the questions that the audience wants to know and aiding in the telling of the story as a whole. However, since I am the writer of this story, I added in my own thoughts on matters and allowed the reader to express my thoughts as her's.

Before they weren't as personal for me because I wasn't sharing them specifically as mine, but now I want to explain them.

I struggle.

I have had trouble dealing with myself, not because of my self-esteem per say, but because I'm constantly stressing over the knowledge that life is short. I don't do everything that I want to do and I miss opportunities that I wish I could've had the courage to take. The main reason I have problems with this is because I hear the words "you're too young to be worrying about these kinds of things" whenever I want to talk to someone about it. Guess what? Time keeps going - it's never ending. Our lives keep shortening by the second and it doesn't matter what age we are.

The death that has happened today proves something else as well. In chapter 11 where Shownu is dealing with the aftermath of his grandfather's passing, he says this: "Death to people was like a thief to money: both money and people are loved and valued, but they can be snatched up at a moment's notice, never to be seen again."

A life is precious and fragile. It doesn't take much to lose it to Death's open grasp. Not only that, but death is unpredictable. Literally me or you or anyone could die in the next second. It might be in the next week, next year, next decade. The reason I worry is because I realize that and it's moments like these where the proof of my own conclusion hits me in a painful blow. I worry that I might be taken away out of the blue and I just don't want to leave this world without changing it somehow.

But when I die is not my choice.

Now, I honestly don't know anything about suicide. However, I witnessed firsthand the toll it took on the people who loved the victim when the boy from last year killed himself. Like I said before: I go to a small school. Everyone knows everyone. In the case of suicide, someone takes control of when they die. The reason behind their motives is unknown. This isn't a topic that I can write a lot about and I apologize. However, in chapter 14 the reader's character expresses my exact thoughts on it.

She reminds Hyungwon that there's no way she can help him fully through just words alone. There's no way she can help him battle his inner turmoil because no one can hear his thoughts except for himself. That's huge and - in my opinion - the most terrifying thing about suicide. Others can't help. They can't hear the demons raging inside someone's mind.

My intention right now isn't to be depressing (even though it's coming off that way). And there's so much more I wish to express, but my mind's too chaotic at the moment to write them out. This quick note might also be fairly confusing... I feel like I'm just writing down whatever comes to my head in no particular order which is what happens when I get emotional. These thoughts are just a small bit of a whole. I have more laced throughout this story and more to come, which is why this book is so precious to me at the moment.

If you read through this whole note then I thank you for taking the time. I know that this specific event doesn't effect you guys at all so I'm not expecting anyone to get as emotional about it as I am. I only felt the need to share what I was feeling on a more personal level.

If anyone wants to ever talk to me, I welcome any and all messages. It doesn't specifically have to be comforting words or words of advice, even casual conversation is fine if you'd like. I would absolutely love to be friends with my readers. Also, don't feel forced to leave messages, it's only if you want to or need to.

Anyways, thank you all so so so much for reading and supporting my story and this random part that I added on a whim. Your love means the world to me and I can't even write down all of my appreciation in words. All I can do to give back is to keep writing to the best of my ability and hopefully share more notions like the ones prior within my work.

Thank you and 사랑해! <3