The WindFlyer

Chapter 21

Captain Astoria's PoV

I feel the shackles first, their weight. Their cold, life-draining presence. They are slick. I look down at the red blood coating the chains and my stomach churns. I feel the crown upon my head next, the cold metal also wet. The blood drips down my face and splatters on my dress. My white dress. I frown as I look at it. The red drips creating blooms of color on the white fabric. The metal never seems to dry, never seeming to stop flowing with that crimson liquid. It's weight presses on my head, on my shoulders.

I feel a nudge at my back and scowl as I look over my shoulder at a guard who holds a spear ready to push my again. "On with ya, Princess," he orders, his face covered by a helmet. I want to plant my feet directly where I stand, I want to turn on my heel and grab the spear from the guard and wield it against him. But it does not matter what I want, my body will not obey me. My body betrays me and begins striding forward as liquid streams down my back, sliding between my shoulder blades before the fabric of the dress absorbs it.

My chains clank behind me like a bell tolling. A bell that tolls as I stand there and watch innocent people be put to death. A bell that tolls in mourning as another victim falls. A bell that tolls as the slaves are whipped. The ever present sound like a song I know so well I can sing along in harmony with it. The anguish it represents for the people mirrored in my heart.

I enter the great hall and look around. No longer are the people faceless, rather now they wear the faces of people I know. I see Andreas here, his head resting on the execution block. His eyes staring at me with hate and rage.

I see Amma here, standing with her hands and feet chained together, flinching as her master raises his whip again and again and again. Her eyes bore into my skull, her lip curled in disgust.

I see Sam here, his hands dangling -- severed from his wrists -- around his neck. His shoulders slumped downward and his eyes broken.

I see Marina here, her eyes rimmed with red as tracks of tears stream down her face as she watches her daughter. As her eyes dart from her wife to her child.

I see Vall here, she runs amongst the crowd. Trying to avoid the groping hands of men. I see hurt in her eyes when she glances at me and her fist tighten at her sides.

I see Arya here, her tongue cut out, never to taste the foods she loved so much again. She watches me with loathing as I walk further down the aisle.

I see Ren here, her body limp as her head rests next to it. Her face smiling with those metal teeth on display. Her eyes lifeless but holding betrayal in them captured from the moment the axe swung.

I see my crew which I love so fiercely looking at my like they wish me dead. I see the people of Oneiro chained and bloodied. I see them looking at me like I am scum. And I am scum. In the end, I could not protect them. I failed them. I broke my promise.

I look to the great window at the end of the room. Past my father and my people. Out, I look. Out past the city all the way to the sea. I look to the sea where I see a ship. My ship. I see the WindFlyer in all her glory, burning. I see the smoke rising from her masts and the ashes billowing in the wind from her sails.

I return my gaze to my father, a cold fire in my eyes. My rage nearly palpable in the air. There is someone else in the room, but I dare not look at them. Dare not break my eye contact with my father. Dare not look away from the eyes we share.

"How did you find them?" I spit at him with all the rage I feel. Them. Never me, I would sell myself to protect them and somehow my father knows this. He smiles at me with that cold, dead look. He does not respond. He never does.

"You failed us," Amma's voice says over the sound of the whip. "You failed us."

"You betrayed us," Vall's small voice calls out within the crowd.

"You sold us out," Andreas spits from the execution block.

They're right. I wasn't fast enough, I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't smart enough. I couldn't protect them, I can never protect the ones I love. The light pools around my feet from the window, as if it seeks me out, as if it singles me out.

"Too slow," The voices call out, the voice of every person I've ever loved.

"Too weak," they say to me. Ren's lifeless head speaking in turn with them.

"Not good enough," they chant. I want to sink to my knees and beg their forgiveness. I want to cover my ears and weep. I want to scream for mercy, but I cannot. I am forced to endure my own sort of hell to pay for my crimes. To pay for my failures.

"Fool," they spit.

"Weakling."

"Pathetic."

"Worthless."

Every word slandered against me. Voices I love shrieking at me. They overlap. One after the other until the chorus rises to a deafening tone.

"Killer."

"Murderer," Marina hisses.

"Traitor."

"Lier,"  a little voice calls out.

They burn me, searing into my mind and my skin like a branding. I cry out in pain as my father begins to chuckle. His dark laugh filling the room as the words assault me. Mercy! I wish to call out. I wish to tell them I never meant to harm them. I promised I would keep them safe, I promise them freedom. But how could I ever be so foolish. There is no freedom, there is only prolonged delusions.

Someone tugs at my wrists now, I turn my head though I do not want to. The blood of the crown flows like tears down my face as I look. My eyes follow the path up my chains until they start to lift off the ground. The person holding them wears a white dress, splattered with blood. I look to her face, where blood that is not her own runs down it. She smiles at me, a cruel smile like my fathers. My face. Her smile widens at the horror on my own face. She spreads her arms around her, my chains clanking in the hand she holds them, as if she is basking in the pain. Basking in the torture of my friends and people. Basking in the hate and suffering.

"Monster!" I scream at her. "Monster!" She merely laughs as she walks toward me, seeming to draw power from the pain.

"Monster!" I yell again, except this time no words leave my lips. It is my chain holder who is saying them to me. "Monster," she whispers to me in a lovers caress.

Monster.

Monster.

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I scream, clawing at my throat as the allusion of the dream falls away. I look wildly about the room and can't remember where I am. I can't remember where I am.

I scramble backwards until my back is pressed firmly against the wall. I can't remember who I am. I curl my knees inward until they press against my chest, a light sweat coating me. I wrap my arms around them and hold tight. I squeeze my eyes shut. The dream still echoing in my mind.

I can't remember where I am. I can't remember who I am. I can only think of the dream. The voice that caressed my ears. The whispered promise. The blood, I still feel it coating me, the sweat on my body feeling much too slick to be only sweat.

I try and breathe. In and out, in and out, but my heart still beats wildly as my whole body is hit with horrified convulsions. My friends, hurt because of me. My people in chains. My crew dying. I keep hearing the words. Every word they said. Is it true? Would I hurt them? Am I...

Am I a monster?