The WindFlyer

Chapter 35

Draen's PoV

"Draen!" Astoria shouts from above me. I gasp as my eyes fly open to see her face, eyes wide, looking down at me. For a second, all I can see is blackness and her face painted with worry over me. Very slowly, I begin to notice my surroundings again. It starts with what I can feel: legs pinned one on each side of me, warm hands gripping my shoulders, my chest heaving with labored breathing, the sheets below me. Then I begin to hear again, the sound of the captain's panting, the waves crashing against the ship, wood creaking.

"It was just a dream. Just a nightmare. Nothing more," she murmurs to me, concerned eyes scanning my face over. "A nightmare and nothing more." I swallow the lump in my throat and focus on her. I can't seem to speak, my voice not wanting to work right now. Astoria understands, she doesn't ask me to speak, she merely stays exactly where she is, staring down into my eyes and letting me look into hers. This is real. I am aboard the WindFlyer. Astoria is with her crew. We left Pirates Cove in the afternoon. This is not Alture. I finally break the eye contact and look about the room. There is sunlight streaming in from a window. It must still be the same day. The captain turns her head to look where I am and she smiles softly. I pin my eyes back on her while she examines the sky and sun and sea. Her smile is like a memory of warm days and sea breezes. Of sailing and freedom and happiness.

"You have been asleep for about a day," she says looking back at me. A day? That can't be right, I closed my eyes just a few hours ago! I must have a horrified expression on my face because Astoria laughs slightly. "I didn't have it in me to wake you. It's been a long few days and I thought you could use it. I only woke you when I heard whimpering." Her voice gets soft at the end as a small frown manifests on her lips when she looks down at me.

"I'm okay," I croak, sounding like I had just been screaming. "It was just a nightmare, nothing more," repeating the words Astoria said to me. Words she whispered to herself like a prayer. Over and over again. As if saying them took away the dreams power, made the terror dull. I don't know if it worked, but I do it anyway.

"Do you want to talk about it?" the captain asks as she eases herself off of me. I shiver a little at the loss of body heat. Sitting up in the bed, I pinch the bridge of my nose. Do I want to talk about it? It would be nice, but I can't go back into it. Especially not with Astoria seeing as I... oh god what I did to her.

Just a dream. Just a dream. "No, thank you though." Not real. Just a dream. She looks at me with kind eyes and I know she gets the feeling. It's one thing to deal with your own demons but it's another to trust someone else with them. I don't mind fighting mine off but I really thought they were gone. I haven't had a nightmare since the day before I left for Roltem. That one was likely brought on because I was going to meet my betrothed, the woman who would finally bind me to my throne forever. It seems so long ago. Like I was a different person.

"Was it because of the meeting and what they said about your father?" the pirate asks, looking down at her hands. I nod once and also watch her hands. They clench into fists, shaking slightly as her nails dig into the flesh of her palms. The captain sighs and looks at me with an almost pained expression. "I want you to know that whatever was said in that meeting need not weigh on what you do and what choices you make. The crew and I, we can take care of ourselves and... and we can take care of you, too. You don't need to worry about us or kings coming after us; trust me, many have tried and failed and this will be no different. What you choose to do is completely up to you and I want you to do what is best for you." With that Astoria rises from the bed and and walks toward the door. I want to reach out and stop her, but I don't. I need to make this choice alone. She's right, I need to do what's best for me.

And so I will sit here and think. I have questions that I need to answer. Like, would Astoria even allow me to go back to Alture? That's a foolish question, of course not! But, she hasn't killed me yet and I haven't been marooned. But she stands to lose so much if she lets me go. It would be a lot to ask. But I would never tell anyone what I saw or what happened or who she is. I could add fuel to the flames or I could make up a lie completely about how the Royal Navy ship sank. Astoria said I could make a choice, didn't she? Was that a choice to stay on her crew or stay in Oneiro or was the choice to go to Alture or to stay with all of them? I can't think about that question, I have no way of answering it.