Parinayanantaram

Morning

I woke to sound of bangles. The morning was beautiful. I moved slowly towards the kitchen, from where the sound was coming. There I saw a beautiful sight, my wife humming some melodious tune to herself, cutting vegetables.

I don’t know how long I stared at her, but the whistle of the cooker made me aware that I was still in this world.

“Your voice is melodious.”

She turned towards me immediately. At first, she seemed shocked to see me there. But when she realised that I had complemented her, her cheeks became red. I smiled to myself.  {At least I have some effect on her! This is good news.}

Just when I thought she started getting accustomed to me; she reverted to her irritating self. Her expression changed and she turned around, ignoring the fact that I was there to speak to her. I felt the blood inside me boil. With difficulty, I controlled the urge to shout at her.

“Get all your documents ready within half an hour. We need to leave. And yes, place my breakfast on the table before I finish my bath.” Saying this, I left the kitchen without waiting for the reply.

Almost immediately, I felt bad for shouting at her. I must have hurt her by being harsh. {Poor little girl is struggling to get accustomed to this new home and surroundings. She might be missing her parents. And here you are; putting all the chores on her head, and being rude to her.
But wait … I would not have been rude to her, if she was not rude to me.
Ugh … what is happening to me? Why is this person affecting me this much? …}

To get rid of these irritating thoughts that flocked my head, I took a shower. The warm soothing water flowing through my hair washed away the frustration in me; which unfortunately returned when I realised that I had forgotten to bring in my towel along with me. I yelled from the bathroom.

“Siri! Pass me my towel.”

And I waited until I heard the little bells of her anklets. I slowly opened the door slightly, enough for my hand to pass out and grabbed the towel. Her cold fingers shivered slightly as I touched them, and I wondered why. {It was her hand which was cold and mine was warm.}

Wrapping the towel around my lower body, I moved out of the bathroom to find her exiting the room. Looking at her, melted my heart and I wanted to be nice to her.

“Siri!” she turned back hesitantly.

“Thanks, and sorry.” Her eyes met mine, I gave her a small smile. She instantly blushed and left the room in haste. {What happened to her? Why is she behaving in a strange way?}

After I got dressed up, I moved to the dining table to find my breakfast served. I sat to eat and she stood beside me.

“Have your breakfast.” She nodded and started serving food for herself. But before taking the first bite, she glanced towards me nervously. I mentally prepared myself for the worst, while placing the first morsel in my mouth. But my eyes immediately lit up with amusement. {Not bad! She cooks well enough, if not extraordinarily. I am satisfied with my life and my wife. If she could cook well, she could as well take good care of me.
I strongly believe that if someone has cooked for you, and the food gives you happiness, it means that they have put in all their love in it! … So maybe … she does care for me!}

I looked at her, who was still looking at me nervously. I gave her a bright smile and she sighed in relief, placing the morsel in her mouth. I finished my food and grabbed the car keys. “Siri! Ready?” She nodded and followed me outside the house.

“Nervous about something? Don’t worry, I will make sure that you will have a wonderful college life …” I said, glancing at her briefly, before shifting my gaze back to the road.

“No … that is not the problem” she cut me off in between my speech and I waited for her to continue.

“Well … the problem is … Umm … you …”

{Great! Maybe I was wrong about her loving me! She can never … and I am pitying myself for getting myself married. Yes! I committed the biggest mistake in my life, and I need to pay the price!}

“You mean to say …?” Anger seeped into my voice. She flinched a bit, and I felt guilt again.

{Why? Why? She hurts my feelings and I feel bad for her … Why?
Because you love her …
Crap! … Leave me alone. I already have a problem to handle. You better not poke your nose in our matters. You are uninvited.}

“I … don’t … want to disclose my marital status to anyone in the college.”

“Great! You are ashamed of me now? I don’t deserve to be your husband. Do I?  If you hate me to this extent, why the hell did you even agree to marry me?”

{And why the hell do I keep asking the same question to her, again and again?}

I pulled the car into the parking space of the college, but I needed to get it settled first.

“No … I am not ashamed if you …” She said with tear filled eyes.

{God! Why do you torture me to this extent? You know very well that I cannot stand her crying. But now, I am the reason for her crying.}

“… I … my college life will never be normal if people know that I am married. They will start treating me like some alien. I might find it tough to find friends …”

{Maybe she has a point.} I sighed.

“Okay! but let the Principal know about it. You need not inform anyone else.”

Her eyes glowed. “Thank you so much. You are a very understanding person.”

{At last! The first compliment I got from her!}