Parinayanantaram

Right or Wrong?

“Yeah sure … go on. Take your clothes.” I managed to say, but my actions contradicted my words.

I was supposed to move out of her way, but instead, my body betrayed my mind, and moved towards her. {For the first time in my life, I wanted to be a bad boy. Even if she develops a wrong opinion about me, it is going to be worth it …
Oh no … no … no! you can’t do it.
No I …}

I am merely inches away from her now. The sweet scent coming from her body was not at all helping me. Instead, it is adding fuel to the fire. I got hungrier for her, my eyes dropped to her inviting pink lips, which quivered.

{NO HARI!!!! YOU ARE A GOOD BOY.
Hell No! I am a Bad boy. No … actually I am a MAN!! And I am proud that I am a MAN.} My breathing quickened. I could literally feel my heart pounding in my chest.

I looked into her eyes. But what I saw there made a wound in my heart.
{I don’t know what my eyes conveyed, but in her eyes, I could clearly see FEAR!! The fear in the eyes of a deer, when facing a lion. The fear of being the prey to a hungry beast.}

I felt guilty. {I am a human! Not a hungry beast. And she is my wife … a fellow human. How can I force her?}

My eyes dropped down and the Mangalsutra grabbed my attention. This Mangalsutra which I tied to her, rests on her chest, guarding her delicate heart. {Yes! I have to respect the bond between us. I cannot take advantage of the Mangalsutra to satisfy my pleasure. It is a symbol of my promise to her, that I will always protect her. How can I myself shatter her? Will I be able to forgive myself if I force her to please me?}

I looked up again into her eyes, which still held the fear. She was visibly shivering and I was sure it wasn’t because of cold. I let out a sigh and entered the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. Not minding to undress myself; I let the cold water of winter, shower down on me, making me shiver. But my heart and mind sighed in relief as a warm feeling arose in me. {At least; I did not hurt her! My body can be cooled. But if broken, her heart and trust cannot be mended.}

As I stepped out of the shower with my clothes dripping cold water, my teeth chattered and I realised that I had no towel or clothes with me. I sighed and moved out of the bathroom. I saw her standing near the door.

The moment I saw her, I felt rejection. {Well that is what I got for being nice to her. I gave her all that she wanted, but what did she do? She did not give me the love that I wanted.} I took my clothes from the wardrobe and went back to the bathroom slamming the door.

I felt sick now, my face turned pale. My fingers and toes became numb. I had to warm myself immediately. So I changed into dry fresh clothes and rushed out. I found a cup of hot coffee near the bed. I smiled and took a sip of it, covering myself with warm blankets, plugging earphones into my ears, which blasted loud music. I got bored of it soon. So, I dressed myself and left to office. She handed me my wallet and files, which I took and left without a word.

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I know! I know! A tiny chapter.
But for this situation, I guess pausing the story here is appropriate, because I seriously need opinion of you guys.

What do you think of Hari? Did he do right? Or Is he giving Siri unnecessary lenience? Is Siri really blind towards his feelings and desires or is there something else going in her mind? Let me know what you feel :)