WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTENT HAS VERY MATURE CONTENT AND SOME READERS MAY FIND DISTURBING. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE EXPLICIT DETAIL PLEASE DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER.
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I don't know when I fell in love with him. It could have been the day he held my hand when I was 5 as I cried because our cat, Fluffy, ran away and not once did he take a cootie shot. Or the time when I was 9 and I insisted we play dress up and get married. That day he let me slow dance with him in the living room and even let me put my arms around him and hold him close. Or the day of my 13th birthday when I was grounded and he snuck me out with a bottle of moscato that he took from his parents. That was the day I had my first taste of wine and i remember that after we were done we laid down on a grassy field, laughed about everything and the taste of the wine still lingered on my lips. Yet I still can't pinpoint the day it happened, the moment it turned into full blown love. I was so naive. I thought I had all the time in the world to tell Simon, my best friend, that I was in love with him. Now all I can think about is my ruined state and my heart acheing for what will never be.
School was a blur all morning until right before lunch. I walked down the hall making my way to the science building, biology my next class, when I heard a shout through the hall.
"Matty!!!!!" comes the tinkling voice through the crowd and I turn just in time to see black krinkly hair and honey colored skin collide with my chest. suprising that I can find someone shorter than my 5' 3".
"OMG we can never spend another spring break apart" she tells me a tragic look on her face. "All I did was ride all the kiddy stuff at Disney cuz everytime I even suggested something even remotely exciting the runt totally vetoed it. and to make matters worse I got the worst sunburn ever. I looked like a lobster. God i've missed you" she pulls me in for another hug and I giggle despite my previous mood.
"its nice to see you too Mandy"
"Promise me no more spring breaks apart" and I nod saying "I promise"
"So anyway blondie how was your vaca?" she asks hooking my arms with hers. My mood sombers.
"it was fine" I manage to say
"thats cool. Gosh I have so much to tell you" and she clamors on as we make our way to class because despite us being close she could never read me like Simon could. I turn to our lab tables and even throughout the entire period she chats on excitedly about the boys the fun and the boring.
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"Ok class the lunch bell is going to ring soon. Please pack all of your belongings" the teacher tells us and everyone burst into conversation all at the same time. a few minutes pass, the bell rings, and Mandy and I make our way to the door. Mandy keeps up an easy string of conversation where I dont have to contribute to much and then her voice is gone and I look over at her shocked until I see her face. Her lips turn up at the corners into that omg-that-guy-is-so-freaking-hot smile I almost laugh until I look over and see a set of beautiful grey eyes.
Lucas
"Hey Matty I came to get you for lunch. I thought we could eat together" and he reaches for me while I stand there, fear gripping my heart, his hand taking my slim arm and pulling me into his side.
"I-" but Mandy cuts me off
"Yay that sounds like such a good idea. Right Matty?" and she winks at me
"Actually Mandy I was thinking of some alone time with my sister. Sometimes it's a good thing to have lunch with family. Matty?" and he throws out his most sincere smile I almost believe him if not for the fact that his hold on me grew tighter.
"yea. Right" I choke out, fear tighting my limbs.
"See ya" he says to Mandy, waving, steering me away and in complete horror I see her freeze, her usal chatterbox self gone, at the sight of his full frontal smile.
He leads me down the hall tucking me painfully into his side. His bulging arm snaked aroung my shoulders. He smiles wickedly at the girls, winking, while they throw him lustful looks, He calls out greetings to his friends on the lacrosse team, doing that stupid nod thing.
"Don't forget about the last minute practice thats scheduled for today" Eric Mckenzie calls out, a hottie in his own right and one of the most popluar guys in school. He waves at me before turning away.
"I've been thinking about you all day." Lucas whispers, his hot breath at my ear, no distance between us and all I want is to take a step back. A shudder of fear makes its way violently through my body. Hall after hall we walk and my mind is coming undone at the seams.
"Here" he says abrubtly and I'm face to face with a gaudy green metal door with the letters WARNING BOILER ROOM written at the top. He reaches for the handle as I try and pull away, panic making me bold but he twines his fingers into my hair shoving my inside the door.
"I told you I'm not asking this time" and all i meet is darkness beyond the noise overbearing, the room stuffy. I almost try and cry out but I know I won't be heard, the noise is almost unbearable to me. His large hand grips my arm leading me down the steps and still I can't see a thing. We walk and walk until we are so far down I feel like I can't breathe.
Finally, after what felt like forever, a blinking red light comes into view and his grip becomes tighter.
"Stop" he says turning to face me.
"Why Lucas? Why are you doing this? Why did you do this to me?" and tears spring to my eyes. heartache making me weak kneed. His face softens and he lightly touches my face.
"Because, little sister, I fell in love with you" and his hand comes down hard bringing me to my knees in front of him.
*****
"BITCH!!" Lucas exclaims, backhanding me so hard my skull rebounds against the concrete floor. "No teeth no teeth!!!" and the room blurs as the red light shines into my eyes painfully and darkness comes to the edges of my vision.
Lucas crouches next to me as I try to scamper away. I feel his hand twine in to my hair and he forces me to face him.
"Why?" i ask again out of desperation, tears falling carelessly.
"Already told you didn't I? I love you, like really love you. I could tell that you would admire me sometimes. you must have felt the same way." and I shake my head at his words. "I knew one day we would come together, I knew I had to have you, but I held back for years, waiting." and he brings my head roughly towards him, his face softening.
"Matilda don't you understand that I love you, more than air, but if I have to I will destroy you." and he hits me harder, pulling down my jeans and unzipping.
"Scream little sister scream" and I do, so hard my throat goes raw, laying limp on the ground, as he thrusts again and again and again.
*****
"I love you. I love you" he whispers over again but the words are empty, meaningless, as he leaves me on the boiler room floor, broken.
"Marry me?" says my Godlike brother, desire coating his words, and I hate him so fiercely it hurts. I wish Simon was here, I need his embrace, I need the safety I feel in his arms. As my silence streches on and I dont respond he storms off in anger, leaving me in fluids and misery.
The noise claiming my surroundings, heat pressing down on me and I pull up my jeans, staggering up the dark steps, my mind still pounding, my body weak. As the bright walls finally emerge at the top floor I know its just a matter of time. I just can't stay conscious any longer. And as i stumble I can feel my world fading quickly, my body falling.
Into arms and Sean John cologne.
"Matty?"
and my reality escapes me.
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Authors note: Phew this chapter actually came out better than the original. YAY!!! I so seriously listened to Senses Fail the entire time. (actually I've secertly listened to them basically the whole story. twisted?) I love them the totally set the mood. anyway thanks for reading. Now will you please vote and/or comment? lol no seriously I'd love ya'lls oppinions
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