Falling For The Smiths

2.

CHAPTER TWO | I WON'T CRY
***

Mathew was leaning against a bookshelf. He slowly made his way towards me. My heart had picked up in pace, and to say that I was nervous was an understatement.
   “Hey,” he whispered.
   I couldn’t form a reply. I opened and closed my mouth, but nothing came out. Stop acting like you liked him, Tessa. It was his brother you were crushing on.
   “H-hey,” I responded, slightly encouraged by my previous thought.
   “What are you doing here in the library?” Mathew asked.
   I scoffed. “Me? This place is practically the only place you’ll find me. The real question is what you’re doing here?”
   “I came to check on you,” he replied, as though it was the most obvious thing ever — which it actually wasn’t.
   “What is it with you and your brother today?” I blurted out before I could stop myself. “It’s as though you suddenly care about me again.”
   Oops. I instantly wished I could take that back. Mathew’s eyes narrowed.
   “What do you mean?” he demanded.
   “N-nothing,” I stammered. “Forget I ever said anything.”
   Mathew wasn’t taking that as an answer. He slammed one hand on the back of the chair and the other on the table — I quickly shut the journal — and trapped me in his gaze.
   “You were never a good liar, Tessa.” His breath tickled my lips, making me squirm.
   I tried to break our eye contact, but in vain. Sighing, I scooted the chair a bit back and closed my eyes.
   “Aaron asked me if I was alright after Math,” I explained quietly. “And he apologized to me. Is that what you’re here to do?”
   Mathew’s face was so close to mine, his warm breath fanned my face. I tried pushing the chair further back to put a little distance between us, but he kept moving forward.
   “Is it, Mathew?” I whispered, abandoning my attempts to push away from him.
   “Yes,” he finally whispered back. “And no.”
   Wait, what? The confusion must have been pretty evident in my eyes, because Mathew chuckled.
   “I only came to ask you if you were alright,” he said. “I never came to apologize.”
   My eyebrows furrowed together. I couldn’t think straight — the distance between us was very distracting.
   “Are you okay?” he asked, and I knew he wasn’t referring to Catherine.
   My gaze slid down to the sliver of air between us. Understanding flashed through his eyes. He took a step back and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. 
   “Thanks,” I managed to say as my mind was still filled with fuzz.
   He nodded at me. An awkward silence swept over us until I found the courage to break it.
   “Why do you care?” I asked silently. “Until an hour ago, we never really noticed each other. But now? Why the change of heart?”
   “I don’t know,” he responded, but I could tell he was lying. “I don’t know what came over me. It was like a voice in the back of my head was telling me, ‘This is wrong.’ And I listened to it. I guess, even after five years, there’s something inside me that still cares about you.”
   “Stop it,” I said suddenly, the harshness in my tone surprising him. “I don’t know why you — and Aaron — chose now to say all these things, but please stop it. I’ve built up walls, Matt.” I don’t know why I called him that, but it really wasn’t helping — I could tell by the way his eyes lit up. “I built them high, higher than you can reach. Don’t try to bring them down.”
   “This has nothing to do with that!” Mathew exclaimed. “I’m just trying to help you, Tessa. Why won’t you understand that?”
   “I don’t need your help,” I hissed, but my tone was softer than I wanted it to be. “I don’t want your help. I’ve lost trust in you, ever since that day five years ago, and you should know that.”
   He had nothing to day against that, because it was true. My chest rose and fell heavily.
   “Please don’t try to apologize,” I whispered, “because as much as I want a simple ‘sorry’ to help, it won’t.”
   I turned away from his pained grey eyes and towards the round table. Slowly, I stood up and took the few short steps to it. I picked the journal and pen up, and before I could register anything, the journal snatched out of my hand.
   “What are you doing?” I cried, whipping around.
   My question went unanswered. Mathew began to walk away with the journal.
   “Give it back!” I exclaimed, grabbing my bag and chasing after him. “You have no right to walk away with my property!”
   Mathew didn’t say anything, but merely increased his speed. Since he was taller and faster than I was, he disappeared from sight the minute we left the library.
   “Jerk,” I scoffed.
   Since I had ten minutes left, I headed to my locker to collect my Chemistry books. I grumbled under my breath, already missing the weight of the journal in my bag.
   Who does he think he is, walking off with my most valuable possession? I thought as I twisted the combination into the lock. Just wait, Mathew. I’ll get back at you for this.
   My locked spring open and I tossed the previous lessons’ books into it. I dug around for my Chemistry books, still silently complaining, and it was then when I noticed the slip of orange paper fall out of my English notebook. I picked it up and unfolded it, not recognizing the handwriting.
   You’re lucky the Smiths still have a soft-spot for you, you bitch. But don’t think that it’s going to stop me from torturing you. Just wait and watch, Parker. You’re going to wish that you were never born.
   — Cathy xxx
   I bit my lip nervously and looked over my shoulder, but luckily nobody was in the hallway. I crunched the paper into a ball and threw it back into my locker, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes.
   “No,” I whispered harshly. “I won’t cry. She doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of my tears.”
   I blinked rapidly and the tears evaporated. Feeling stronger, I gathered my Chemistry books and slammed the locker shut.
   She can come at me as many times as she feels like but I won’t cry.