Heart: Under Construction

You made me just to break me

He made me love him so much that he made sure I won't ever want to love again.

He promised me forever only to leave me like shit.

He fuck someone else while I carry his first child.

"Anak, sorry ha, ginawa ko naman lahat para mabuo ang pamilya natin, kaso yung tatay mo di kontento sa atin" I told my son inside my belly. I'm almost due this month.

Ito na naman ang mga luha, walang katapusan. Nakakainis na!

Mabuti nalang at may stable job ako, I mean I have my own business to run and that means a lot. My adoptive parents doesn't leave me hanging, and I am glad that they made sure I can still live a good life.

Sayang lang at maaga silang kinuha ni Lord.

I live in a decent town house that my adoptive parents owned.

Hindi pwedeng ganito I need to pull myself together. So I decided to bake, well of course I know how to bake. I own a Pastry Shop.

About an hour, Dave called, he's my bestfriend, we practically grew up together, magkaibigan kasi yung adoptive parents namin. In short we're siblings by fate.

"Bell!" He shouted on the phone!

"Jesus, Dave! Naka headset ako" I retorted. Todo volume pa naman ako 'cause I'm listening to music while baking.

"Opps, anyway Mom and Dad wants you to come over" Simula noon mawala ang mga umampon sa akin sila na ang nag-alaga sa akin. They work for my Mom and Dad, so technically they work for me now. Pero s'yempre I respect them just like how I respect my adoptive parents.

Lalo na si Ninang! S'ya ang nag-guide sa akin para ma-manage ko ang business namin. If it wasn't for her, siguro mas mahirap pa ako sa daga ngayon.

"What's the occassion?" I asked, wala naman may birthday sa kanila as far as I remember.

"Wala, they just want you to stay here until you give birth"

"I'm fine" nakakahiya kaya, ang laki laki na ng utang na loob ko sa kanila.

"Oh come on Bell! Alam mong hindi mapapakali si Mommy. And for all we know pag tumanggi ka, she'll pack her things at s'ya ang pupunta d'yan" I can see him roll his eyes. Maldita talaga. He's gay but he has a girlfriend, ewan ko kay Mj kung ano nakita dito sa kaibigan ko. Alam naman n'ya na gay pero ang sabk daw kasi ni Dave, mahal daw s'ya.

I sighed in defeat, that's true, masyadong sineryoso ni Ninang yung pangako n'ya kay Mom.

So I packed my things and waited for Dave to pick me up.

About thirty minutes the door bell rang.

"Oh MJ!" I hugged her, syempre I'm close to her also, "What brought you here?" I asked

"Pinasundo ka ni Dave" ang tamad talaga nun! May kotse naman nang abala pa ng iba.

"Buti napagtatyagaan mo yung mokong na 'yon?" I asked while her eyes still at the road.

"It's called love, Bell" natahimik ako. I don't know what love means anymore. Napansin n'ya ata kaya naman hinawakan n'ya ako sa balikat, "I'm sorry, so insensitive of me" she apologized

"No no no, I'm fine, really, natutuwa ako na may mga tao pa na kayang panindigan ang salitang love" I sincerely said.

Hindi naman ako ganon ka-bitter para  pati love life ng iba ay kamuhian ko.

It's just that, masyado pa rin masakit yung ginawa sa akin ng ex ko.

Nang makarating kami sa bahay ng mga Cortez, nakaabang na sa may pinto si Ninang. Napailing nalang ako but nevertheless I smiled and hugged her.

"Good to see you Bell, ang laki na ng t'yan mo, you needed company para kung sakaling humilab na we can take care of you" she said, sobrang lambing at caring talaga ni Ninang.

Sa totoo lang ang laking tulong sa pagmu-move on sa pagkawala ng adoptive parents ko na nandyan sila Dave.

It's been five years na rin naman, pero syempre I missed them pa rin.

"Ninang, thank you talaga, I really appreciate everything" sabi ko while side hugging her habang inaalalayan n'ya ako papunta sa guest room which practically my room.

Dave barged in, "Bell! May chika ako sa'yo!" I rolled my eyes, chismosa talaga 'to. Pero s'yempre I am always the curious cat when it comes to his news

"Spill the beans"

"Uuwi dito yung pinsan ko!" Omg? Yung pinsan nyang ubod ng yabang, na akala mo kung sino! The last time nagkita kami noon when we were ten. Tinulak n'ya ako sa putikan tsaka tumawa ng malakas! Buti nalang nandoon si... yung ex kong gago! Pareho silang gago!

"Bakit daw?"

"Well apparently, he's going to get married kasi nakabuntis" Kitang-kita yung pagkadismaya sa mukha ko, I froze for a moment. Bakit may mga katulad nilang lalaki na hindi marunong manindigan!

"Tapos tatakasan n'ya?" I asked irritated

"Gaga! Walang ganon sa pamilya, nakunan daw yung girl, hindi matanggap ni insan kaya iniwan n'ya, he called off the wedding, kalerki diba?"

I mouthed an 'o' and nodded a couple of times, maybe I concluded a little early pero masisisi ba nila ako?

"So ayon moving on ang lolo mo"

"He's still a jerk" totoo naman, hindi lang naman s'ya yung nawalan! Mas masakit kaya sa isang ina 'yon.

"Grabe ka naman! Hindi lahat ng lalaki katulad ng ex mo, wag masyadong nega girl, nakakatanda yan!"

I rolled my eyes heavenwards. Whatever, men are all the same. Maybe he has reason, but that doesn't justify the fact that he left her because of that.

Hindi man lang n'ya naisip yung nararamdaman nung girlfriend n'ya. Kung kailan mas kailangan s'ya tsaka n'ya iniwan.

Or baka naman masaya s'ya sa nangyari because he has finally found a reason not to stay.

Whatever it is, s'ya pa rin ang mali.

"Uhm alam ko yang takbo ng isip mo girl, gumagawa ka na naman ng dahilan para mamuhi sa boys" I kept mum, kilala n'ya talaga ako, "or jina-judge mo na inside your head si insan, bad yan, lakas maka bitter"

After that non sensical talk with Dave, nagpahinga na ako, nag-offer ako ng tulong sa mga maids but apparently Ninang firmly brief them na wag akong pagagawain ng kahit ano.

Na-baby ako masyado but I like it anyway.

My phone rang, I saw the call ID, I bit my lip before answering, "Hello" God I hate myself! Bakit hindi man lang ako nagdalawang isip! Bakit ganito pa rin ang epekto n'ya sa akin, it's been a month since he left us

"Can we talk?" He asked

"Why?" Ayokong umasa pero dahil ako ay isang dakilang tanga, I'm still hoping that we could fix this.

I'm trembling he keeps on sighing for a good minute.

"You know what kung hirap na hirap kang kausapin ako, " I paused trying to get a hold of myself, trying not cry "j-just... stop... I can't afford to hear more lies from you, I've had enough"

I waited for at least a decent reply but he just said, "Okay" and ended the call.

For the first time in a month, I cried myself to sleep, again.