Heart: Under Construction

Why must you do this?

I've been neglecting food this past week. Lahat sila nag-aalala na, specially Dave and Ninang. I don't know why, simula kasi noong tumawag s'ya, I've been like this.

He made me feel like shit again.

I feel sorry for my child, alam ko naman dapat inaalagaan ko ang sarili ko because I am carrying a human being inside me.

But I can't help but feel so tired of life.

"Bell naman, hanggang kailan ka magkakaganyan?" Sita ni Dave, I've been murdering my food with a fork.

"David Ferdinand Cortez, wala nga akong gana!" I snapped, mukha namang nagulat s'ya, so I sighed and said "I'm sorry" I started crying.

Agad naman n'ya akong niyakap, he's been nothing but patient with me.

"Bell, I know it hurts, I know mahirap tanggapin, pero ayan na eh, nandito na tayo sa sitwasyon" ang hindi ko lang talaga gets kung bakit kailangan mangyari sa akin 'to. Nagmahal lang naman ako.

"I wish I'm strong enough to handle this" I rubbed my tummy "I love this child inside, I really do, pero hindi ko mapigilan hindi ma-depress at masaktan sa nangyari" I reasoned

"Gets ko 'yon kapatid, pero hindi na lang kasi sarili mo yung nahihirapan, pati s'ya " tinuro n'ya yung tyan ko.

"Help me" I suddenly said

"I am, if you would just let me" he said in a more serious tone.

Para akong tupa na pinapastol ni Dave sa mga sumunod na araw. I've been nothing but obidient. Nakokonsensya din ako kasi nadadamay ang anak ko sa kagagahan ko at kagaguhan ng tatay n'ya.

Matagal na siguro kaming patay if not for Dave and his family.

Nahihiya na rin ako kay Mj kasi kinakain ko na halos lahat ng oras na dapat ay sila ni Dave ang magkasama.

S'ya na nga yung laging pumupunta dito sa bahay kasi hindi ako maiwan ni Dave.

"Come on Dave, anniversary n'yo, I'm fine, I won't do anything stupid again" babatukan ko 'to eh, pinagbigyan na nga s'ya ni MJ this passed few weeks na samahan muna ako pero di naman ako papayag na pati speciall occassion eh kukunin ko sa kanila.

I'm better than that, I know how it feels to be neglected, kaya hindi ko gagawin kay MJ 'yon.

"Isabelle"

"Dave please, don't ruin your relationship because of me, I am not your responsibility" and after a long reassurance that I'll be fine, he gave in tsaka nag-gayak! Naku pakipot talaga, alam ko naman mahal ako neto, pero alam ko rin he loves MJ so much. Tsaka parang kapatid ko na rin si MJ 'no!

"Enjoy!" I beamed before he drove.

Nakatulog pala ako ng mga ilang oras, it's almost dinner time at naamoy ko na ang mga niluto ng maids nila Ninang.

I took a short warm shower before I let my self succumb into the softness of my bed. Pag buntis daw talaga sobrang tamad magkikilos and all.

I opened my instagram account, gosh ang tagal ko rin hindi nakapag online sa mga sns accounts ko. I kinda missed this, though.

I scrolled in and I nearly threw my phone upon seeing my ex and his new girl.

Right, I haven't unfollowed him yet so I tapped his profile and tapped unfollow.

I don't need more destructions and hearthaces from him. He already destroyed almost all of me.

That's the least I could do for myself.