Blood runs cold

Chapter 17: I'll never give up on you

Caitlin's POV

Barry, my mother, and I walked into the cortex of S.T.A.R labs.
"Caitlin?" Cisco asked, when he saw me.
He ran over to me and pulled me into a tight hug. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Cisco." I smiled.
"What did I miss?"

"Not much actually. The city has been pretty quiet since- now that zoom is gone." Barry hesitated.

"Barry, it's ok. I know what I did. I'm not proud of it, but you guys don't need to make me seem innocent. I killed him."

"Caitlin, don't say that. It wasn't you." Cisco said sadly.

"No, but it was. And you guys need to accept that just like I have." I said as I walked out of the room.

I walked quickly down to my personal lab and sat at my desk. A few moments later I heard footsteps behind me.

"Caitlin?" Barry asked form around a corner.

I hesitated for a moment before I called out,"I'm in here."

"Hey." He walked in. "Are you okay?" He asked standing in the doorway.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just- never mind" I shook my head.

He walked over and pulled a chair in front of me and sat down. "Caitlin, please talk to me. What's wrong."

I looked up and looked him in the eyes. Just by the look in his eyes I knew he was worried.
"I know this is going to sound weird, but I don't want to just pretend like the past couple weeks never happened. I know what I did and just ignoring it isn't going to help anyone."

"I know. And I'm sorry. It's just you weren't in full control, so you can't be blamed for what happened." He put his hand on my shoulder. "Remember a few years ago when we were fighting the meta who would put people into an uncontrollable rage? I remember almost killing Oliver."

"But Barry, that's the difference. You remember almost killing him. I remember unmercifully stabbing a man in the chest with an icicle"  saying what happened out loud hurt more than I expected. I began crying and Barry pulled me into a tight hug. I laid my head on his shoulder and let the tears fall. "That's not even the worst part. I killed two more people after that."

"I know. Do you want to talk about it or are you not ready?" He asked still holding me tight.

"I was walking down an ally and these two men started cat calling me. When I told them that they needed to stop one of the man asked me if I was going to spank him. This infuriated me so I grabbed him by the arm and started to freeze him. I looked over and saw the other man running so I used my powers to make him slip on ice. Then I looked that man in the eye and sucked the heat from his body leaving nothing but a stone cold body. Then I walked over to the other man and froze him too" I started crying harder.

"It's going to be okay. I'm here for you." He said softly.

"How could you stay with me? How could you trust me knowing what I've done" I asked pulling myself from his arms, "how could you love me?"

"Caitlin, how could you even ask me a question like that? I will love you no matter what you do or have done. I've done so many things I'm not proud of and you were always there for me." He pulled me back into his arms. "I love you so much Caitlin Snow, and that will never change"

I laid my head back in his shoulder "Thank you, I really needed to hear that." I said smiling. "I love you"