Now I Can See Your Pain { J-Dog x Deuce }

Chapter 6

Jorel's pov

I laid in my own bed, staring at the ceiling.

I'd never asked Aron about how he felt.

I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I don't know why.

Maybe I was scared of rejection, of there being a possibility those feelings were gone.

I hadn't even realized my phone was going off because I zoned out.

I picked it up, answering it.

"...jorel?.. " a voice I hadn't heard in a long time spoke.

" Vanessa? What the hell do you want?" I asked, my tone bitter.

" Jorel, can we please talk. I want to make things up to you. I'm so sorry for what I did " she said.

I sighed, thinking it over for a minute.

" fine....come over to my place in an hour " I spoke

" thank you so much " she replied, hanging up.

~

Vanessa and I had been talking for awhile.

She'd apologized for cheating on me and I could tell she truly meant it.

" Jorel.....do you think we could try 'us' again?.. " she asked.

I took a few seconds to respond.

" yeah....I'd like that " I said, giving a smile.

I pulled her into a hug, still smiling.

A few seconds later my phone started going off.

George was calling.

" hello?" I said.

" hey, all of us are hanging around on the Boulevard. Care to join?" George asked.

"yeah, I'll be right over" I said we hung up.

" care to join?" I asked Vanessa.

" totally " she said with a smile.

~

Aron's POV

I sat at a table with the others, tapping my fingers.

We were waiting for Jorel to arrive so we could order some food.

"...is that?....isn't that Vanessa?" Jordan murmured.

" I think it is" Dylan replied.

I gritted my teeth when I heard her name.

What she did to Jorel was horrible.

I looked up, my heart immediately dropping and shattering.

There stood Jorel and Vanessa hand in hand.

" Are you two back together or some shit?" George asked.

" Yeah, yeah we are " Jorel said, a bright smile on his lips.

That's it.

I hated him. I hated him so much.

" You okay buddy?" Jorel asked, looking at me.

I hadn't even realized I'd practically smashed my box of cigarettes I'd been holding.

" I'm fucking fine!" I hissed, getting up and going to the bathroom of the restaurant.

I walked in, locking the door behind me.

I stepped in front of the mirror, looking at myself as tears fell down my cheeks.

" it's no use being angry over. It's not like he would ever even want to be with a fuck up like myself anyways " I murmured to myself.

" I mean look at me! I'm a mess!"

I pulled up the sleeves of my hoodie, revealing my scarred wrists.

I felt around my belt buckle till I found the piece of tape I used to keep my blade in place.

I took it off, taking my blade.

I looked at my wrists, making small little scratches.

I didn't want to cut too deep since I wasn't at home and didn't have the supplies to clean it up and what not.

After a few more marks I washed off my blade and my wrists.

I reattached the blade to my belt buckle with the tape and pulled my sleeves down.

I took a few deep breaths, wiping my tears away before unlocking the bathroom and walking out.

I slowly made my way to the table, ignoring the glances of the others as I sat down.

I stayed silent the rest of the time, staring at my drink as I twirled the straw around.

I didn't order any food like the others but they all knew I wasn't going to.

Once they were all close to being done I stood up.

" I'm gonna head out. Bye " I muttered, walking to the doors and out of the restaurant.

I looked back to make sure none of them were following me and started to jog down the street.

I made it back to my apartment about fifteen minutes later.

I unlocked the door, stepping inside and shutting it behind me.

I slipped my shoes off and locked the door.

I took my jacket off, throwing it on the couch as I walked by.

I went straight to the bathroom, shutting the door behind myself.

Once inside I looked around till I found another one of my razors.

I grabbed a few towels and the first aid kit, setting them on the counter.

I stared at my wrists, dragging the blade along them.

" you're so god damn worthless Aron....No one would want you..." I muttered as the dark red liquid oozed from my cuts.

" Jorel would never fucking livens screw up like you. You're so weak and fragile. You're too skinny for him, too broken. He'll never love you especially with all these scars" I mumbled.

Tears fell down my face as I drug the blade across my wrists a few more times.

" I don't know why you won't kill yourself already! Its not like anyone would miss you!" I yelled at myself, breaking down crying.

A few more cuts and I was done.

I cleaned them up and bandaged my wrists.

I cried quietly, just sitting on the floor with my knees to my chest.

That's all I ever did anymore.