Dream's Intuition

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

            Time progressed normally.  I heard from Kay here and there through emails.  She was working and she seemed happy.  She had gotten rid of her cell phone and did not intend to get another one, it was an expense should could not afford and her monthly bills would run in the couple of hundreds.  Her apartment was tapping her dry but her new life was exciting and fun.  She would go out all the time and shop.  Kay loved to spend her money and Toronto enabled her to do so.

            I was happy to hear from her on a regular basis, and to live vicariously through her exciting experiences.  With Kay gone I spent most of my time with Robert.  Going out for coffee, going to the movies, going for walks, and it was great.  Our friendship had not suffered from any of our intimate encounters.

            After a perfect evening with Rob I nestled my aching body into the sheets.  It was hard to leave Rob at the front door and crawl my sad and pathetic self back into my parent’s basement only to find myself watching infomercials until my eyes could no longer hold themselves open.  Pure exhaustion took over and reality drifted away allowing my brain to process and file away all my days activities. 

            There are times when your dreams feel so real that you question reality, even if you are aware that you have just woken up from a dream.

            I am laying in the backseat of a car and Robert is caressing my face.  His lips brush against my cheeks, forehead, nose and run their course down to my belly button.  His lips tickle my bare skin.  I can feel a smile permanently on my face.  His weight is on top of me.  The heat from his body feels good against my skin.  Darkness surrounds the world outside the car and you can hear the sound of rain falling against the metal roof.  I wrap my arms gently around his neck.  I feel completely secure in his arms.   I am unbelievably happy.  I lay in his caress and enjoy as feelings of joy wash over me.

            We are parked in a field, there are long pieces of grass that are coming up around the sides of the car and peaking in through the steamed windows.  There is soft music streaming through the radio.  Its soft and soothing.  I close my eyes.

            When I open my eyes it feels as if a piece of time is missing, like when there is a scratch on a DVD and it skips to the next scene. I am sitting in the front seat of the car, at the steering wheel and I am yelling, but it is not my voice. From the expression on his face, he is very angry.  My view is as if I am looking at the world through heavy glasses, the edges are slightly blurred and while I am there, I’m not.  It is like having an out of body experience, yet more connected.  I am watching things in slow motion, I shot a step behind everything as it happens.

            I turn the ignition and start the car, my arms are moving around in a rapid non-sense motion as I hear myself yelling and pointing my finger at him.  I’m accusing him of something, I am talking fast and it is hard and my words are hard to make out, “using me”, “I’m gonna tell everyone” are a few fragments that make sense amongst the rest.

            As we argue he is getting angrier by the minute.  I pull over.  I can feel the heat coming off my face, but not the soothing heat from earlier; I can feel my blood pressure rise and I sound shrill and high.  Robert’s voice gets deeper and stern.  He is ordering me to do something.  I hit him.  I hit him hard.  I throw my purse at him and a little figurine from the dashboard.  I hit him in the head and blood begins to drip from his hair line.  His fingers reach up towards the blood and when he realizes what I have done he lunges towards me.  His hands around my neck and squeezes.  I can feel his heart race as the blood in his viens pulse through his fingers.  His face is smeared with blood and sweat, his eyes are cold and determined looking past me as he loses grip with reality.   I can feel myself attempting to talk him out of it, grasping at his hands with my own.  Mine are much smaller and I feel myself weaken.  My breathes become shorter and shorter, my lungs can barely move in and out.  My vision blurs.  My body reacts and the entire time I feel trapped being unable to control the situation.  I am just a passenger in my body. 

            I can see my hand lash out in front of my body in his direction.  My palm reaches forward and makes direct contact with the bridge of his nose.  He lets go, I take a deep breath and kick as hard as I can, and with all my might at his rib cage.  He groans in pain.  I try to reach over his body to open his side of the car door, he grabs at my wrist and squeezes tight.  His grip matching that of the hold he had only seconds earlier on my throat.  I knee him and thrust myself in the direction opposing him.  I grab the handle to the door on my side and muster all my strength to pull myself free from the car.  I fall to the wet grass, the rain still pouring down around me.  My body is wet in seconds and I can hear a voice inside my head screaming to move, screaming at myself to get up.  I move,  I push myself to my knees and then my feet and start running.  I am slipping on the wet grass and I try to open my mouth to scream but my throat is too sore and all that comes out is a slight croak. 

            I spin around to only glance quickly behind, Robert has gotten out of the car and is lurching towards me at an incredible speed.  My legs feel like lead and they move slowly and clumsily in comparison.  Before my body realizes it, I already know that I am not going to escape him.

            I feel his hand on my shoulder…..

            Sweat drips down my face and chest.  I sit up and breath in deep.  I rush my hand to my neck and pull as if to rip away invisible hands.  I can feel myself trying to scream but I cannot.  My throat is sore and all I muster is a croak.

            I turn on the light next to my bedside table.  I sit up and take a few deep breathes in and out.  In and out.  My throat is still very sore.  I get up, feeling weak as I try to gain my footing.  I reach forward to gain balance and see my reflection in the mirror.  I pull my hair back away from my face, and I see a red mark on the front of my neck.  I close and open my eyes, hoping to readjust.  The red quickly fades away leaving nothing behind.  I probably tossed and turned , grabbing at my own neck in my sleep.  I used to sleep walk as a child.

            I sat back down on my bed, my brother still sleeping soundlessly across the room, I turn off the lights and my eyes began to droop as I subsided back into sleep.  The remainder of my night is dreamless.