Xuelei, Tears of Blood

Chapter 20 - Letters

The Mistress summoned Xuelei a few days later. He went to her office and bowed respectfully in greeting.

"Mistress."

"Sit."

"Yes, Mistress."

He folded his legs and lowered his body gracefully, sitting opposite her at the low table. They sat on beautiful embroidered coloured cushions. Once he was confortable, she poured a cup of steaming fragrant tea for him. He was surprised but kept a neutral expression on his face.

She gestured for him to drink as she took a delicate sip from her own cup.

"Thank you Mistress."

She eyed him, scrutinising him. He stared at his teacup, waiting for her. He knew she was assessing him whilst she gathered her thoughts. She would begin when she was ready.

"How are your injuries?"

"I am much better Mistress."

"You are not fully recovered."

He did not reply. She was not asking a question, merely stating her observations.

"You know I am the only one who actually cares for you don't you? I love you, that is why I saved you. You are my son."

The Mistress did not expect him to respond. She was merely reinforcing, reminding him what he already knew. She would repeat it as many times as possible and would keep repeating it as she had done so since she took him from his mother's side all those years ago. 

The subconscious mind was a powerful thing.

"I am the only one capable of loving you. No one else does. No one else can love an orphan who kills for a living. Without me, you are nothing. You belong to me. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand." He bowed his head.

Her mouth curved in a pleased smile. She picked up two letters from her side and slid them across the table to him.

"Two personal letters came for you from the Lay mansion."

He blinked. The Lay mansion? Wasn't that mission concluded? Completed and fully paid for? He looked at the letters but made no move to take them. Were they complaints about him? He raised his eyes to see her looking at him expectantly. He knew instinctively that she had read both letters and was amused. No, not complaints he decided. He reached for the letters and glanced at them.

One was from Captain Shang and the other from Lay Ting Ting, the Minister's daughter. His eyebrows shot up. What did they want with him? He placed them next to him and took another sip of tea, waiting. The Mistress was not done yet.

"I want you to think carefully before replying. Inform me when you have decided. That is all. You are dismissed."

"Yes Mistress."

Xuelei gave a slight bow, gathered the letters and got up to leave the room.

"And Xuelei ... ?" she called out warningly when he had reached the door, " ... remember the Rules."

He gave her a curt nod of understanding and backed out.

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Once in the privacy of his room, he ripped open the first letter and unfolded the crisp sheet of paper.

Dearest Xuehua,

I have been unable to get you out of my thoughts since we parted ways that fateful day. You saved my life, I am indebted to you.

I am also deeply grateful to you for saving our young Miss. She has informed me of your self-sacrifice and suffering to ensure that she and the others did not consume the tainted food and drink. I understand why you did it, you had to buy time for your comrades to arrive. I admire your bravery.

I am sorry that such a beautiful and sweet girl like you is forced to do this sort of work. I understand that you may have no choice in the matter. If you will allow me, I would like to get to know you better and perhaps repay a little of my life debt to you by taking you away from the horrible life you lead now.

I await your reply breathlessly.

Captain Shang

Xuelei cringed. He swallowed and folded the letter. That was embarrassing. His face flushed red as he thought of how the Mistress must have laughed when she read it. Then he remembered her warning, or maybe she thought he would jump at the chance to get out of this life. He clenched his jaw, if he really did, he had no doubts that he would be the Assassin Sect's next target. He would be dead within a week.

Remember the rules.

Do not trust anyone. Trust will only shorten your life.

Do not love anyone. You are not worthy of love and never will be.

Do not have any friends. They are a weakness to be avoided.

Do not give anyone anything to hold against you. Your weaknesses will be your downfall.

No worries there. He did not trust anyone nor did he have anything he held dear. Love? He was not worthy of love, that had been drummed into all of them over and over. All they had was each other. He was just an orphan with nothing to his name. Hell, he didn't even have a proper name. No one could love a person like him.

What about MeiHua? His subconscious whispered.

She does not love me, she cannot, I am not worthy of her love, he reasoned. I am just a friend to her, someone to talk to besides her grandfather, that's all.

Really? The small voice wouldn't shut up.

Yeah, really and he clamped down on his inner voice. That voice was dangerous. It could make him want something he could not have.

At least the Captain had not discovered his disguise.

He opened the next letter from Lay Ting Ting.

Dearest Xuehua,

I hope you are recovering from that awful man's beating. You looked so terrible that day all covered in blood, I was so scared. I am still angry with you! You didn't let me look at your injuries to see how bad they were. I only wanted to help! My stomach still hurts where he kicked me, I can only imagine what you are going through. You got much worse from that horrid man. Luckily he didn't touch my face. I would just die if he ruined my face.

I want to thank you again for saving me and Captain Shang. I think he is quite taken by you. He keeps asking me over and over again about you, even the silliest things like what you were wearing and what you like. As if I knew! We only spent a little time together in that place and most of the time we were either starving, sleeping or getting beaten up. I am so glad that nightmare is over.

I could only tell him what I knew, that you are a quiet gentle person but would stick up for someone like me even when you hardly knew me at that time. You are a good person. Of course you are also very beautiful, your soft fair skin really is like snowflakes. I could make you more beautiful, I have lots of make-up but I think your natural beauty is best. I really am quite jealous!

One more thing, a good friend of my mother's had come to visit us. She stayed at our mansion to comfort my mother when I was missing. She was very kind and sympathetic to me when I recounted my ordeal. When I told her about you, she became interested to meet you as she says that your description is similar to someone she has been searching for a very long time. She would like to meet you in person and thank you personally for your part in saving me. Do not offend her, she is a very influential person and one of my mother's dearest friends.

Please come! I have missed you. I want to see you again too. I consider you my good friend.

Hope to see you soon.

Your friend,

Lay Ting Ting.

What a weird long-winded letter. He was not much for words and was positive he would not be able to compose such a letter. He could actually 'hear' her bubbly girlish tone and his lips twitched. 

There was that dangerous word again 'friend'. He would have to think on it carefully before replying.

Luckily the Mistress had taught them all to read and write.