An Unwavering Love (A Yuri Plisetsky Fanfiction)

Chapter 31: I'm in Here

[Nippon Gaishi Hall, Nagoya]

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

The air was heavy as a sleek black Bentley pulled up at the entrance of the arena. From inside the car, Ayumi could clearly see the blinding flashes of cameras and the throng of reporters waiting for her arrival. She breathed audibly and rubbed her temples—not only out of frustration, but also out of temporary relief from the pain and stresses of the night before.

"あゆみさん！ユーリ・プリセツキーにコメントできますか？ (Ayumi! Care to comment on Yuri Plisetsky?)"

"記者会見まであゆみお嬢様には何も聞かないでください。 (No questions for Miss Ayumi until the press conference.)"

"一言お願いします！ (One statement please!)"

She was silent as Kamoshita guarded her from the onslaught. The media bombarded her with questions about last night's incident, yet she was in no state to appease them. Her head was pounding and her vision was blurry. All she needed to do was to get backstage as soon as she can.

To be honest, she was not fit enough to even be there, period. However, it was the day of the Ladies' Short Program, and she was determined to compete. The draw was about to start by the time she arrived at the waiting room. Because the ISU no longer required a starting order based on rank, all skaters were to select their order randomly. She drew the number '3', so she was scheduled to skate third despite coming into the final at fifth place.

Kamoshita left to get her costume. She decided to head to the corner of the room, but she stumbled before she was halfway there. Instead of falling flat on her face, she looked up to see Mila supporting her weight with panic written all over her features.

"Yumi, god! You look like hell! What happened yesterday? Are you alright?!"

Her eyes were hazy and her breathing was uneven as she answered, "Yeah. I was just overwhelmed by the fans. Really, it's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing!" her rink mate snapped. "Can you not see how pale you are?! Seriously, we're all really worried here!"

It was only then that she realized there were more eyes on her than just Mila's. Yakov, Lilia, Viktor and Yuuri were there as well. She felt touched at their concern even though she avoided them for months with no explanation, but she refused to tell them anything. The problems she was facing were due to her own doing—she needed to deal with them alone.

"There's nothing to worry about," she whispered. "I just need to rest a little bit."

They continued to fret as she teetered to the nearest chair. She kept brushing them off, telling them she was fine when she was obviously not. When she finally sat down and turned to stare at the wall, a pair of piercing blue-green eyes met hers. Her breath hitched.

Yuri's expression was unreadable. There was relief, worry and anguish in his features, but all Ayumi could see was the way his brows furrowed in what she thought was scorn. Scorn she was certain she deserved. He made that perfectly clear a couple of nights ago when he simply stared at her throughout the egg fiasco. There was nothing left between them now, just a whole lot of hatred.

Why is that so difficult to accept?

"Miss Ayumi, I have prepared your costume in one of the changing rooms. Shall we proceed, or would you prefer waiting until—"

Kamoshita paused, finally noticing the presence of her ex-boyfriend. The tension in the room was hard to ignore. Yuri took a step forward, and she saw in his eyes the determination to have a word with her.

No.

Ayumi did not want a confrontation. Things were already going along as intended. Her feelings for him cannot bubble up to the surface again, or she would be back in square one questioning her choices while he went on with his life.

We don't need any of that.

"I'd like to go now Kamoshita. The Short Program is about to start anyway. Can you please help me up?"

------

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

Whenever Ayumi was anxious, she had a habit of pressing her hands together as if in a silent prayer. She stood near the entrance of the rink doing just that, trying to control her nerves as she waited for her turn on the ice.

Her tendency to panic right before her performance was not new, but there was one significant difference. In previous years, Yuri was always beside her cheering her up (with snarky comments, yes, but that was his way of making her laugh). She would be there for him in his events also, giving him hugs of encouragement. This time she was alone. Yakov was there to coach her as always, but it was just not the same.

Then again, she did not stand by him during the Men's Short Program the previous day either. He performed brilliantly despite that. Who's to say she couldn't do the same?

"On the ice, representing Chinese Taipei: Ayumi Matsumoto!"

By that time, she has gotten used to the boos that welcomed her. Everything from the rock incident to the temple incident has numbed her feelings about it. The booing actually gave her a strange sense of relief—it was light compared to the attacks that slowly chipped away her resolve.

There was only so much she could take. She honestly thought she could hold out until the issue blew over, but the odds were not in her favour. Her resolve cannot mask the fact that it hurt, and being mobbed while paying respect to Miwako on her death anniversary was the last straw. It was tiring. She just wanted to live her life peacefully, studying and preparing herself for the future she was born for. Dealing with all the drama was making that impossible.

I have to do something to end this.

All those thoughts were forgotten when Short Hair started playing. Ayumi poured every ounce of energy she had in completing her program, but there was nothing left. The fatigue became more and more difficult to overcome with every technical element she performed. Luckily, her only quad was scheduled in the first half. She knew she was bound to miss a jump or two going into the second half, and she did. On her triple Lutz.

Come on, Ayumi! Only half a minute more!

Continuing after getting up, she missed yet another triple. Her mistakes probably gave satisfaction to Yuri's fans, but at that point all she wanted was to give her program justice. A girl who wanted to show "empowerment" on the ice should not give up after two failed jumps.

The song finally ended, and she held her knees in exhaustion before getting off the ice. Her vision was starting to blur. Yakov reprimanded her going into the Kiss and Cry, but she could barely see his face or hear his words. All she could give back was a weak nod.

"The Short Program score for Ayumi Matsumoto is 68.98! This puts her in—"

She couldn't make out the announcement, nor could she make out everything else that surrounded her. An array of colors filled her vision. Red. Black. Grey. Yellow. Voices that sounded like her name being called over and over was the last thing she heard before she fell into her coach's arms. After that—silence.

"It looks like Ayumi Matsumoto has fallen under the pressure! She is unconscious! Ladies and gentlemen, we will take a brief intermission while Ayumi Matsumoto receives medical assistance!"