Avengers X-Reader Volume 1

My Brother, and My Bucky Pt 2

I parked my lifted jeep a few blocks from Central Park, cursing myself I didn't grab a jacket or umbrella to protect myself from the cold or snow. The freezing weather made everything so much worse, along with freezing my toes and nose. The people vying to get their Christmas shopping done, and enjoying the holiday season was utterly lost on me. Their happy faces only made my chest hurt, and inevitably caused more tears to freeze on my cheeks.
Of all the decisions I had made in my life, falling in with love with James was the one Tony wouldn't stand by, and god knew I understood why, but he's the one I loved. He's the one who put a smile on my face, even when he would try to find excuses to stop what we were doing. I knew Tony was one of the biggest reasons for all Buck's misgivings, but I vowed to shoulder whatever Tony's anger brought forth, cause James meant that much too me. Yes it was getting old, but I firmly believed Tony would come around, especially since there was no denying I loved Buck and he loved me, but now, as I sat there underneath the slow drizzle my future now looked bleak, and empty.
Buck wouldn't go against Tony, and because of what happened to our parents, Bucky would do whatever it was Tony wanted, regardless of how we felt for each other. He told me he loved me almost every night after his nightmares would fade away, but maybe it just wasn't enough. I was never enough for anyone, for Bucky, for Tony...
"Hey sweetheart," my brother's voice called out, plopping down next to me in his partial Iron Man suit, handing me an umbrella and blanket. "You look like you belong in a sad music video."
"Fuck you Tony," I sniffled, but slipped into his open arms. My sobs escaped and I couldn't stop them once they started. My brothers soft words and fingers in my hair only made my sobs hit harder.
"It's okay sweetheart, everything will be okay." He repeated over, and over.
"How can you say that?!" I cried, "I don't even know..."
"As much as it pains me to ask you this?" He sighed, squeezing me before lifting my head and meeting my eyes. "Is this what you want?"
"It doesn't matter what I want, nothing I do is enough for anyone," I sniffled, spewing out anything that came to mind.
"You really have a low opinion of yourself," Tony snorted, squeezing my shoulders.
"This isn't funny!" I shouted, but couldn't help the smile ghosting my lips, when I saw Tony's smile.
"No, it's not, but you really have no idea how enamoured people are of you. Your co-workers, the Avengers, even Loki couldn't help flocking to you when he was around." Tony confessed, "I felt more like a security guard than your brother when we would go out, or throw parties here, but honey, you're the most important person in my life, and while you may think..." Tony sighed, and grabbed my hand, "I never meant to alienate you, never, and while I thanked my lucky stars I wasn't there when you started your period, I should of been, like you needed me too be, and I've been making up for that since Gulmira, but (y/n), you don't understand what this situation does to me, knowing you fell for the man who killed our mom."
I took a deep breath and looked towards the laughing people enjoying the rain and snow. "Tony, I do understand, probably more than you think I do, and while I know you miss our parents, I know you loved our mother so much, but I've seen first hand what their influences have done to you. What our father's influence has done to you, because you did too me what dad did to you."
"Sis?" Tony tried to interrupt, but I kept going.
"No Tony, it's okay. I understand all that, but you're the one who took on raising a toddler, and you didn't have too. I didn't want for anything, went to the best schools, always had food on the table, and got everything I ever needed. You're my brother and I love you, you're my favorite person, and I need you," I stopped, and swallowed the tears, "I just, I really wanted to be with James, I love him more than anything I've ever experienced, and for me, what he's done, and I know what he's done Tony, because I've been there for every nightmare these last six months, he's told me everything, but I still don't blame him for any of it. All of you, Nat, Clint, Bruce, even Steve, have done things to this world that can be considered monstrous, and yet you've all been given the ability to go out with the roaring applause of your fans, to right those wrongs. Why can't you do the same for James? His mind was taken from him, for seventy years he was tortured, experimented on, and made into what he was, against his will..." My voice cracked when I thought about the nights James and I would stay up, after one of his nightmares, and all his demons would surface. It didn't matter what he told me, because when we finally did fall asleep, I would still be there in the morning, much to his surprise, but after what happened earlier in the corridor, James made the decision to end things because of guilt and Tony. "You know what, it doesn't matter anymore Tony, James will never forgive himself for what happened, and neither will you. I just, I held out some hope... I really thought he wanted him to be my happily ever after, I don't think I've ever wanted something more." I snorted, "not even my archeology degree or that jeep you bought me. I just need some time, I guess.." My heart broke when I actually said it out loud. This wasn't some movie, or one of those romance novels I constantly read, there was no happily ever afters for me, for either of us.
I dropped the blanket Tony gave me and got up from the bench. I walked towards the frozen pond, doing my best to ignore the tightening in my chest. My body was frozen and wet, adding to the desolation dragging me further down the large shadowed hole opening up inside me.
"Honey I'm going to ask you something, and I want the truth, before you freeze," Tony asked quietly, coming up behind me, and grabbing my cold hand with his warm one.
I looked up at him, and shrugged my shoulders, not caring about the cold.
"Is this what you really want? Is he the one you really want?" My brother asked, giving me a light smile.
"Yes it was, but I.. I don't want to lose you, and Bucky doesn't want me too lose you either, so it doesn't really matter what I want, you two have already chosen for me." I replied shakily. My body shook with fatigue and the cold.
"You do know I would give you the world if you asked for it?" He lamented, urging me towards my jeep. My knees gave out, but before I hit the wet dirt, Tony's hands were behind my knees and I was lifted into his arms.
"I never wanted the world," I said thru my chattering teeth.
"I know honey, I know, but if he means that much to you, then just give me some time to adjust to this." Tony proposed, seating me in the passenger seat of my jeep. I frowned and watched him jump into the driver seat and put the heater on full blast.
"This isn't funny, and it's already too late." I growled, trying to get warm.
"Pff nothing's ever too late for a Stark, I just need you to be sure about him, because if he hurts you, I'm going to become a murderer." He snickered, heading back to the facility. I said nothing while I watched different emotions pass over his face. "I honestly don't know if I can fully forgive the man, but if he makes you happy, I may be able to put what I feel aside, for you."
More tears fell, because I couldn't believe what I just heard come out of my brother's mouth, but it wasn't enough.
"Tony, I don't want our relationship to change, or for you to have live in anger forever, because.. it doesn't matter, Bucky doesn't want this anymore..." I sniffled, seeing the facility gates loom up ahead.
"Pfff, I'll take care of that, right now I want you to let Natasha get you into a hot bath, and into bed. You've had a long day." Tony implored. The tone of his voice had changed and became jovial.
"But.. how.." I started to ask, only to have my door opened and Natasha and Wanda pull me from my jeep and upstairs.