Heart of Gold (Anthony Rizzo)

Thirteen

Isabella

I would be lying if I said fall wasn't my favorite time of the year. I find it had to be sad when all my favorite things come to life around this time. You have football games and hockey and the holidays and nice weather and beautiful colors. Oh how I love the fall.

As for today Anthony came over for a play date with Nick while I got some stuff around the house done. Nick had the day off from school and I'm pretty sure Anthony is staying here in Chicago for at least a little while longer. I figured he would have went home by now but he's still here and I can't complain.

I schedule some appointments to check up on Nicks heart and call the doctor. Still no news on a new heart but it's only been a few months, I wasn't expecting to find a match yet but I had to ask. It's tricky because as soon as they find a match we have to be ready because the heart will be transferred frozen and has to stay like that until they can get it in my brother. He tells me to keep a eye on him and I thank him for checking up with me.

After that painful phone was was more stressful jobs. First I have to figure out how to pay off his expenses and we're cutting it close on money. My parents left us everything and I've been very responsible with the money. I haven't bought a new car and the house is all paid off. I put money back for utilities and food but that doesn't always cover how much a emergency room costs. I know that if I ask my grandparents for help they will freak the hell out. I wasn't in a mood for a argument so that was out of the question.

Instead I start to look for jobs and something that is easy to schedule around Nicks schedule. Maybe something I could do from home, or maybe I can sell a kidney. It would be so much easier if I could finish school and get my degree but I just can't right now. I don't need any more on my plate. It's obvious that I'm more than stressed out and I couldn't handle another thing going wrong.

As if on cue there's a loud thud that came from outside and I hear someone gasp. I jump out of my seat and to the porch looking for anything wrong. I run out like lighting and find Nicky on the ground holding his chest. Anthony was kneeling next to him making sure he's okay.

"What in the hell happened" I nearly yell rushing over to him.

"Nick and I were just playing catch until I started to chase him. He he was fine until collapsed before running right into the play set" he explains.

"Baby are you okay, do you need to go to the hospital" I ask.

"No... I think I'm fine" he says sitting up. I can hear him breathing heavily and I start to frown. I rest my hand over his chest and his heart was all sorts of messed up.

"Are you sure" I ask.

"Yeah Izzy, I'm okay" he nods.

"Alright, go inside and lay down. Do your breathing techniques and if something doesn't feel right come get me immediately, okay" I ask and he slowly nods. He walks inside and I turn to Anthony.

"I'm so so sorry, we were just messing around. He seemed fine, I didn't think he would collapse like that" he defends.

"Just because things seem fine doesn't mean you should forget that they really aren't. You know he can't play that rough, what were you thinking" I snap.

"I don't know, he seemed fine" he shrugs.

"I can assure you that if everything seems fine it's probably not fine. His whole life he's seemed fine but that doesn't change the fact he has a defective heart. He could have died just now, he could have sent his heart in shock and I cannot afford another random visit to the hospital" I yell.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say" he yells back.

"I'm sorry doesn't fix anything around here Anthony. That's what people say when there isn't anything else left to say. I know, I've been feeling sorry for that little boy since he was born. Both of his parents died before he was even able to walk and he got stuck with me and I feel sorry for that. Every time he watches a kid live their life and I tell him he can't ever be like like I feel sorry for him. And no matter how sorry I feel sorry for him it doesn't change our reality. No matter how much telling him he can't do something sucks, it's better than not being able to say anything to him at all because he's gone" I scream.

"I didn't want to hurt him. That's the last thing I would ever want to do. But for I second I forgot there was something wrong with him. For a second he was just a little boy playing with a friend" he argues.

"And the next second he was laying on the ground hoping with every scattered breath he takes it wasn't his last one..." I trail off.

"I just wanted him to be happy" he tries.

"I know that. But he can't run around without a care in the world. In his head he can, but his heart keeps telling him he can't. And what you did, that was so incredibly reckless. You have no clue what's going on right now and everything can fall apart in a second. I really don't need something else to worry about or... or I'm gonna lose it" I say softly.

"Then let me help" Anthony tries.

"What are you going to do? Because I've tried everything and I'm running out of options" I admit.

"Let me help with the bills" he says.

"He's not a charity case" I shake my head.

"No, but he's like a son to me and I should help take care of him" he claims.

"It's more than that" I whisper.

"What is it? Name it and I'll do it. I want to help" he insists.

"It's nothing you can do" I sniffle.

"I can try" he says grabbing my arms and pulling my body against his.

"Can you just hold me" I ask and his face finally softens. He pulls me into his chest and I start to sob. He holds me tighter than he ever has and for the first time I felt at home. I felt comfortable and I felt loved.

"Why am I such a mess" I whimper.

"You're not a mess" he tries.

"I am. I'm running out of options, at this rate I'll never finish college, my brother is slowly dying and I have invested everything I have in that little boy. If I lose him I lose everything" I cry.

"You're doing what most people can't, you're not making the easy decisions but the best ones. You're putting other people's happiness in front of yours and you're showing me what it really means to be strong. You're showing me how much love can change your life. I know it can't be easy for you, you have so much going on and you feel like the world is against you so please, let me fight with you" he begs.

"I can't bring you down with me" I shake my head.

"You're not going down. I won't let you" he claims.

"I just want this to be over" I sniffle.

"One day we're going to look back and smile because we made it. But until then we have to keep fighting, for Nicky" he says.

"Okay" I nod.

"Are you good now" he asks.

"Yeah" I sigh. He takes my face in his hands and wipes my tears away. Suddenly I wasn't mad at him anymore.

We go inside and I see Nick asleep on the couch, didn't even make it to his room. He was watching spongebob and I know I shouldn't let him watch it but I like to watch it too. I go over to close my laptop because I didn't need that stress in my life right now and join my boys on the couch. I sit myself in Anthony's lap as he runs his fingers through Nicks hair.

"You really got something special" he comments.

"Yeah, I really do" I smile.