Heart of Gold (Anthony Rizzo)

Seventeen

Isabella

At the end of November Nicholas has a check up appointment with the heart specialist for precautionary measures. They want to keep a close eye on his heart and do whatever it takes to keep it going. It was expensive but I was still able to afford it. We still had some money left but not heart transplant money. No one has that kind of money laying around. The least amount of emergency visits to the hospital the best though.

They take him back to have a MRI and a bunch of other tests run. I sit in the waiting room with Anthony trying not to freak out. With the amount of times I've been here you would think I would get used to it, yet here I am nervous as hell.

"Please calm down, you're stressing me out" Anthony begs.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it. So much can go wrong" I sigh.

"I know, but we're going to get through this. I promise" he says and I nod.

After waiting for what felt like forever his doctor comes out to get us. They take us to one of the pediatric rooms and I don't see Nick in there.

"Where's my brother" I ask.

"He's just getting blood drawn" the doctor assures me and I step down. "I wanted to talk to you about his MRIs. Now I have a picture of a healthy heart, his heart earlier this year, and his heart from the MRI we just took. As you can see the healthy heart has all its valves open and the blood is going to the right places. Since Nick was born with a heart defect his blood can't get to the right places which is causing problems. He's been able to live with it up until now but the walls of his heart are becoming inflamed so much that there's nowhere for his blood to go which is causing his heart murmurs. The misshapen heart valve is causing his heart to be off beat, eventually it won't be able to work anymore" he explains.

"So he's going to die" I ask.

"With this heart, I give him until the end of next year" he says somberly. Ouch... that hurt.

"Can't we thing the walls or fix the deformity" I wonder.

"Open heart surgery is option, but the thoughts of him recovering from that type of surgery is slim to none. The chances of his heart being able to start up again after we stop it is almost impossible. That's why we want to find him a new one" he claims.

"And if we can't find one by the end of next year..." I trail off.

"I'm sorry" he sighs and I nod. "I'll let you guys have a moment" the doctor announces before leaving. I feel a tear fall as I gasp for air. I didn't even realize I was holding my breath.

"A year" I whisper. This was all too real too fast. I look up and Anthony sits there stoic as a tear falls down.

"I need a moment" he announces getting up and waking out. He pushes the chair over causing me to jump.

Something I've learned is that Anthony that he gets really emotional, especially when it comes to Nicky and his heart. He wears his heart on his sleeve and he lets it be known when he doesn't want his heart messed with. Hearing news like that was equally as hard for him as it was for me but I'm used to hearing stuff like this, he wasn't so it was kind of shocking to him sometimes. Like it is right now.

I follow him out as he goes into the parking lot. He stops in the middle of it to let out a loud scream and I stop chasing after him. I'm really happy he didn't have something because he would have broken it over his leg by now.

"Why god" he screams over and over and over again and I felt my heart break. I know Anthony loves that kid, Nick was a pretty great kid if I do say so myself. Everything about him is so attractive and you just want to be around him. So the thought of not being around him is upsetting. Anthony is very fond of Nicky so he really didn't want to lose him either.

"Anthony" I yell so he would stop and he looks at me.

"Why? I just want to know why this is happening. That boy has been nothing short of amazing his whole life. He hasn't hurt anyone. So why is God taking him away" he yells.

"I don't know! I've asked myself that question twice already and I don't want to do it again. Asking questions like that is dangerous because I can promise you won't like the answers. I pray every single night asking God not to take someone away from me again. Begging that when I wake up Nicky does too. This has been my life for nearly six years. It sucks but he's still here, I'm not going to spend all the time he's here thinking about when he's not. Whenever that may happen. My mom gave her life for his and I'm about to lose him too, I can't have her die for nothing. I will do anything to make sure that kids heart is still beating, whether it's his or someone else's" I defend. By the time I finish Anthony is right in front of me, both of us crying.

"I'm so sorry" he says pulling me into his chest. I wrap my arms around him as we comfort each other. I can feel that he was scared, I can feel that this was so hard on him and that he hated it. I did too. But there wasn't much we can do.

We break apart a little and I clear up my tears.

"We're going to find him a heart. I'll do whatever it takes to keep him around" he says.

"You can't just go around asking people for their hearts. It's extremely hard to find a match" I say.

"I'll call around the nation. I'll ask every cardiologist specialist and see what they say. Nothing is too much, we're going to do this okay" he asks. And for some reason I believed every word he said.

"Yeah, I do. We can do this" I nod.

"Hey" a little voice yells and we both look around. We see Nick in his doctors gown standing in the doorway. "How come you get to play in the parking lot but when I do it I'm a bad boy" he yells and I laugh. What a kid.

We walk back over and he grabs my hand. He squeezes me and I smile down at him.

"I don't want you to be sad. I'm going to be okay" he says.

"I know buddy. You're so strong" I say bending down.

"I'm strong for you. I can't leave yet, your life would be pretty sad if I wasn't here" he claims and I laugh.

"That it would" I admit.

"I don't want to leave you" he says softly.

"I don't want you to leave me either" I sigh.

"I just have one question" he says.

"What is it buddy" I wonder.

"How come I have to take my underwear off if they're looking at my heart" he asks and I had to smile.

"I really don't know what to tell you" I admit.

"Can I put some pants on now" he wonders and Anthony starts cracking up.

"Yeah, lets get you home" I say. We get him changed and stop for a hot dog on the way. I put him down for a nap and kiss his head.

"I love you so much kiddo" I smile.

"I love you more sissy" he yawns. And with that he goes into slumber.