motive // colby brock

eleven

this chapter gets intense, if you're sensitive to suicide you may not want to read this

but nonetheless, here's the chapter :)

__________________________________

"I'm fine" was a phrase I said often.

As anyone could guess, it is a complete lie.

I'm not fine.

I was never fine.

I will never be fine.

So when I said to Colby "I'm fine" I was the opposite, I was freaking out.

I wasn't okay.

I wanted nothing more than to punch Jess in the face and fly back to LA, but I couldn't.

I don't have superpowers and I can't make things go the way I want to.

So I just sat there and pretended everything was fine.

Colby nodded and went back to eating his breakfast.

Nobody noticed anything was wrong.

I had to tell myself everything was alright.

Because to them, it was.

We finished eating and I went to pay for the check, when I realized, I didn't know how to.

Even though I was embarrassed, I leant over to Colby and whispered into his ear,"how do you pay for this?"

He looked at me.

"You mean paying for the meal?"

I nodded in response.

He chuckled, "don't worry, I'll pay."

He went to pull out his wallet.

I put my hand on his arm to stop him. "Colby, no it's alright, I got it, I just don't know how to pay."

"Riley, I'm paying." He said as he continued to take out his wallet.

"Are you sure?" I asked,"you don't have to."

"I'm sure." He said as he pulled out a 50 dollar bill.

He set it on the table and for a minute I was okay.

Until as we started leaving I saw Jess' car in the parking lot.

Her car brought back memories, terrible memories.

It started to get hard to breath but I ignored it and no one noticed.

Except Cora.

She always noticed when things like this happen to me.

She noticed in the restaurant, she just never said anything.

She knows who Jess is and what she's done to me.

She knows all the dirty things that have happened to me, and she comforts me.

Cora doesn't deserve any of what's happening to her.

I need to go finish college as fast as possible.

I know when college starts but ok don't even know what day it is today.

As we were helping Cora get into the car I asked Colby what day it was.

"It's uh," he pulled out his phone,"it's June 30th."

(a/n I meant to write this in June but now it's September THATS LITERALLY HOW MUCH I PROCRASTINATE LMAO KMS)

I hugged my mom and said bye and she did the same to Colby.