The Mute [Elliot Alderson]

13 | h o m e

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BES'S POV

Running home and skipping work probably wasn't, and isn't the best option, but regardless : there's no way I could have came into work today.

After recovering from the full blown panic attack I had in the middle of the street, I took off running back to my apartment.

I didn't see Elliot after dashing up the stairs, and it looks like my mother has already left. Thank God. There's no way I could explain this to her.

I shove my apartment door open, and exhale loudly - trying to release a little bit of stress.

The anxiety that's coursing through my body right now is too much. Too much. Too much.

I glance at the Xanax bottle that I haven't touched in months, and decide that taking just one wouldn't hurt. They are prescribed to me, after all.

I don't bother calling into work before I pass out. It's not like they notice me there, anyways.

***
I wake up, and my apartment is completely dark. Must be night, already. I check my phone and it says 10:00 PM. I slept for almost fifteen hours. Wow.

My stomach growls, but I refuse to stand up and get something to eat.

The fear and paranoia has crippled me for the moment, so I just pop another Xanax and go back to sleep.

***

This time when I wake up, it's light.

I groan, then check my phone and it reads 9:00 AM.

So I'm already technically late to work. No point in going now.

My stomach growls once again, but this time it's absolutely painful so I know that I have to get up and eat something.

I stand up, let out a exhale and stretch a little bit.

Falling asleep in my work clothes is not a good thing, and definitely isn't helping me out.

After quickly changing into a pair of joggers and a loose short sleeve t shirt, I go into the kitchen and start looking for something to make.

Cereal? No.
Waffles? No.
Omelette? ... Yes.

I quickly whip up an omelette, and finally finish it off with some seasoning and take my plate into my living room and turn on a show to watch.

Almost as soon as I finish my omelette, I doze off once again.

This is all because of the Ronnie sighting, I know. But I'm having a lot of mixed feelings. One minute I'm depressed, the next I'm so anxious that I'm on the verge of a panic attack - again.

Staying home is probably for the best, considering if I showed up to Allsafe and freaked out in front of them like
this, they'd probably fire me - Even if Joe is my stepdad.

Speaking of which, I really hope I don't get a call from him wondering why I've not shown up to work two days in a row with no call or explanation.

Surely he doesn't care enough, though.

Apparently, I'm wrong because all of a sudden a text comes through my phone and it's from him.

Joe Brown : Bes Marie. Care to explain why you haven't shown up to your job for two days in a row? Don't bother denying it, Gideon is the one who called.

I gulp audibly, but take a few deep breaths and respond.

Bes: I decided to take a few days off for myself. Get my thoughts together and what not. I've had a tough week. Lots of anxiety and what not.

Joe Brown: Bes, I will not warn you more than once. If this ever happens again, I will stop paying for your college tuition. Speaking of which, your professor also called. Clearly you are incapable of taking care of yourself. Obviously I over estimated you.

Bes: So we've gone to threats now, sir? I completely understand your concerns in regard to my productivity - but I'm not the one who asked to move out or for you to pay for my things in the first place. Maybe if you stopped acting like I asked for any of this then maybe you'd stop getting so disappointed. I'll continue taking my classes and going to work just like I have been since I've been here. Just because I'm a little slower than usual doesn't mean I've given up.

I send the risky text, and almost immediately regret it.

Usually I never stand up for myself when it comes to Joe, because usually it ends up in an argument between my mother and him but she's a big girl and can handle her own problems. It's not my fault he can't seem to stop meddling in my life although he's the one who really kicked me out.

Our whole lives, well - at least since Joe came in the picture, there's been a family divide. David and my mother have lost their once close relationship, and I've begun to resent her because of how she's dealt with these issues over the years.

David has always hated Joe, and when he was a teenager they fought often but my brother has learned to keep his mouth shut in order to receive the benefits that our stepfather has to offer.

I've never once missed out on a good opportunity for nice things since Joe has been in the picture, but at this point he's become too powerful. Too cocky.

He thinks that because he has almost all of the control over every aspect of our lives, that he can make us make certain choices - whether it be because of blackmail, manipulation or otherwise.

I'm not dumb, though.

I don't need him or his money.

I'm sick of my mother taking his side, as well. Sure, he's her husband but they broke up when they were younger for a reason. Penelope loved Mario more than anything in the world and it makes me sick to see her try and pretend to feel the same with Joe.

If anything, she can barely stand to look at him, let alone love him. She would never admit it, though.

Never admitted it while we were kids, and has still refused even now that my brother and I are now adults. Sometimes I view her as a coward. Someone who settled, because she needed someone to help her take care of her family.

There's been plenty of single mothers since basically the beginning of time who have been able to take care of their children without a man, but my mother let her family 'money influence' scare her back into the life.

She had finally got out when she married Mario, but after he was gone.. She just gave up.

I can't believe that.

That's why I refuse to be like her.

Fine, let's say Joe takes away everything I have.

Stops paying for the apartment, my phone bill, has Gideon fire me, etc. - I could still make it because I have willpower.

I won't let him control me like he's controlled my mother for all these years, and now what he's starting to do to my brother.

Joe Brown :  Watch your tone. But keep up the progress. Your mother and I are proud - so far. Don't disappoint me any further, and if you don't go back to work tomorrow you know what will happen.

I scream into a pillow.

I'm sick of him, and I refuse to reply.

He can't do this.
___________

How'd you like the chapter? What is your opinion of Joe & Penelope so far?