"why don't you just go get zooted with wang?" Ian sat, holding a bag of frozen peas on his face.
I rolled my eyes, "I don't know, why do you assume I don't care about you?" finding a place next to him, I sat back against the wall and folded my arms. "do you want me to give a shit or not?" I searched his face, looking for a reaction.
he shrugged. go figure.
looking forward, I found that the room we were in was filled with figurative nothingness. I had only been here for about 30 minutes. I wasn't planning on coming but I wanted to see what all the talk was about. this was supposed to be a big deal.
even though parties are supposed to be lively and fun, dull faces of the partygoers only added to the thought that this was just a waste of everybody's time. it was like everyone there was just there to be there. they had to be there. but for what reason? to have the right to say you went? scanning the space, i saw that red solo cups filled clamy hands and loud music played throughout the household just to fill in that silence that would be there otherwise. a few wasted girls stumbled around, laughing hysterically at nothing. always nothing. they wanted to believe they were having a good time, and to them, the only way to have a good time was by what others define it as.
groups hung around in circles, awkwardly sharing looks with people in other corners of the room. the party was obviously dying down, there was no pizza left and the alcohol was looking lonely. but still, people held on their masks and pretended they were having the time of their lives. I didn't really want to be there anymore.
as I examined the room, a familiar face caught my eyes, she was sitting on the couch, staring intently down at her phone. my stomach twisted.
i swallowed my pride and stood up, offering my hand to ian. he dismissed it and pulled himself from his loathing on the floor and posted next to me, slightly swaying.
"are we leaving?" he asked, unamused. I bet the entire room could smell the alcohol on his breath.
"yep," I pushed him forward towards the door, he stumbled and caught himself, but dropped his peas. he turned back to glare at me. "let's get out of here, quick." I pressed.
sighing, he started for the door and I followed, keeping my eyes locked on the ground. I was paranoid. I suddenly felt everyone's judgement, as if the event was meant to target me. I knew that I was thinking irrationally although I couldn't help but assume I was a burden to any soul who breathed the same air. i had no reason to think that way. I pushed those thoughts aside. I just wanted to get home.
exiting the house, I hurried past Ian and mall walked down the yard to the line of cars on the side of the street. I juggled through my pocket for my keys, ian caught up to me with a confused look on his face.
"what's up with you?" he grabbed my arm, and turned me towards him. "why are acting like that?" he asked with a tone that sounded like a valley girl.
"I'm not acting like anything," I tore my arm away from him and walked around to the driver's side door. "get in." I commanded and unlocked the doors. the headlights flashed and I could see Ian's distraught face staring me down. he didn't move. "get in!" i said again, raising my voice.
hesitantly, he opened the passenger door and slid into the seat with ease, carefully closing the door with him. he was probably on more than just alcohol.
I quickly got into the vehicle and started the engine. from the corner of my eye I noticed Ian's hand was gripping the "oh-shit" handle.
i sat back and sighed. "what's going on with you? what are you on?" I tried to keep my voice gentle in hopes that he'd tell me something, anything.
"the question is, what's going on with you?" he sat up in his seat and faced me. his speech was slurred. I couldn't take him seriously. I rolled my eyes.
"you need to learn to keep your hands to yourself." I grabbed the shifter and pushed down on the brake. "you hear me?" I attempted to sound stern, but my voice isn't low enough to be respected. Ian smirked and rested his head on the window.
"Ian. stop." I examined his swollen cheek bone. "you're not gonna make any friends by picking fights with dudes bigger than you. just enemies. no one wants to hang around the pussy that picked a fight and couldn't even throw one punch." he closed his eyes. shaking my head, i shifted into drive and pulled out onto the road.
"you didn't use your turn signal." Ian's smirk turned into a grin and he chuckled, eyes still closed.
"ok, like you could do any better? you're fucking drunker than a sailor." I continued pulling out, driving past a sign that read "speed limit 25". i looked down at my speedometer and sped up to 40.
"why were we so quick to get out of there, and why are you going to fast?" he mumbled.
"I just didn't want to be there. and I'm barely speeding." my hand still resting on the shifter, i focused on the road. we were driving through a residential area occupied by rich white families, I always felt uncomfortable driving through this neighborhood. it was just so intimidating. all the yards looked the same, no decorations or any personalization. all the houses shared the same style and color. it was weird. it didn't even feel like a neighborhood, it felt fake. there's no way it's possible to be that perfect.
i felt something touch my hand and I quickly looked down just to find Ian's fingers trying to link with mine.
"what the fuck?" snatching my hand away, I turned to him with a disgusted face.
"what?" he said without even opening his eyes, pretending he didn't do what he just did.
"could you get any gayer?" i asked in confusion and laughed, although nothing was funny.
"could you?" he grabbed my face and leaned over toward me in a drunken state.
"I'm trying to fucking drive can you get off my dick?" I shoved him against the passenger door. "you're actually retarded." I laughed again but I wanted to kill myself.
"goodnight." Ian announced and crawled between the two front seats into the back.
i looked at him through the rear view mirror. he sprawled out on his back along the backseat. the street lights rolling by caught the blood on his lips and nose. I turned my eyes back to the road. then it was a blur.
