the room was dead silent. well except for the rustling of paper and the occasional cough or sniffle. i looked up from my desk and scanned the room once more. everyone was focused hard on their work before them, flowing through the test like it was a breeze. envy. I rested my chin on the palm of my hand and tapped my eraser on my desk. looking down at my test was painful. I hated not knowing what the hell I was supposed to do. the numbers and shapes all seemed to jumble up and blur when I tried to understand.
i glanced at the clock on the wall near the door. just about 5 more minutes until the bell. I was ashamed of myself. I needed to do something before it was too late.
"nelly," I whispered and leaned toward her sitting in the row next to me.
she stopped writing and slightly turned her head in my direction.
"I don't know what I'm doing." I pleaded.
she gave me a pity look and shrugged as if saying "sorry you're fucked".
i sighed and turned my attention back to my paper. students started getting up to turn in their tests and pack up before the bell. I tried to low-key cover my paper so no one walking by would notice I didn't have anything written down aside from my name. embarrassment.
i watched as nelly stood from her desk and strode to the front of the classroom, setting her paper in the stack. on her way back I tried to catch her eye.
she didn't acknowledge me. I stared at the back of the person's head in front of me and blocked out the quiet talk around me, chewing on the inside of my cheek.
i tried everything in my own willpower not to start crying over some stupid math test. feeling so weak and dumb everyday when I went into that room really got to my head.
the bell rang.
i sat still for a moment as everyone got themselves together, filing out of the room. I sighed again and pulled myself from the desk, lifting my bookbag as I went. I crumpled up my untouched test and tossed it in the trash on my way out.
i caught up to nelly who was accompanied by marco.
"hey, what was that?" I asked, pushing myself between the two love birds. marco narrowed his eyes.
"what was what?" asked nelly.
"you didn't even try to give me any answers, you completely brushed me off."
"I'm not supposed to do your work for you, erin." she rolled her eyes, and sped up to get around me.
that took me by surprise. I grabbed the handle of her bookbag and pulled her to the side of the hall, out of the way of people passing.
"I need you to help me." I looked at her hopefully, leaning against the lockers.
"I'm not a tutor I cant-"
"no, I don't mean about math," I corrected, amused. nelly turned toward marco who stood near the end of the hall waiting with his arms crossed. I turned her back to me. "your boy toy can keep waiting."
she squinted. "what is it this time?" she rested her hands on her hips, her dark eyes staring into my soul.
they reminded me of the sunset that hid behind the ocean, leaving behind pink and purple hues. for whatever reason, I was in love with the sunset. I loved the colors that edged the clouds, the way the colors from the sky reflected on the earth below. something about that just set off every sensory in my body.
i remembered being by the ocean when the sun was setting, but I wasn't alone.
i blinked. "forget it."
"erin-" she started but I turned and walked the other direction.
