"I saw it again."
"saw what?"
"the fawn, but it was bleeding."
"bleeding? like something attacked it?"
i squinted and thought about it for a second. "maybe. its flank was bloody and it looked pretty rough. any theories?"
Ian leaned against the lockers behind him and shook his head. "probably just an over population of deer in the area." he shrugged carelessly and scoped down the empty hall.
"yeah, you're right." I stuffed my hands in my pockets and sighed. he was wrong. why wasn't he thinking harder?
the bell rang.
"welp. I'll see you in 7th." he waved me off and headed down the hall, blending with the students leaving their classrooms and filling the hall with a heart beat that wasn't there before.
i stood still for a moment, thinking about how I was going to explain all of this to Ian and aysha. it made me want to scream and bang my head on the wall but if I did that at school id have a bad rest of the year.
i shook off my thoughts and turned around, starting down the hall in the opposite direction as ian. I quickly made my way to the stairwell and strode with the flow of everyone else up to the third floor.
irritated with the slow walkers, I pushed through the traffic jam and squeezed out of all the fuss, getting a few rather rude comments in my direction but i didnt really care. entering the less condensed hallway, I sauntered over to my locker, dropping my bookbag and fiddling with the lock, repeating the combination over and over in my head.
"hey,"
i popped open my locker and turned toward the voice. surprised, I grinned.
"oh, hey."
"here's the answers to the math homework. just to make your life a little bit easier." Julianne stuck out a piece of crumpled line paper with a bunch of gibberish only geniuses could understand and looked at me with a cheesy smile.
i took it and folded it up, slipping it into my pocket. "well thanks."
"are you going to Spencer's party?" Julianne asked.
i rolled my eyes.
"no, I'm sick of parties." I said, reaching into my locker and grabbing my jacket.
she frowned.
"what do you need that for?" she gestured to the army green jacket I was pulling on.
"I'm going to skip the next two periods and I'm not about to be out there in the 15 degree weather in a t-shirt."
"can I come?" she sounded a little too excited.
"you don't even know where I'm going." I closed the locker and pulled my bookbag up onto my shoulders.
"then where are you going?"
I whipped a pack of cigarettes out of my jacket pocket.
"oh, right. gross."
I smirked. "I'll see you later, j."
***
the freezing cold bit my skin. it made my teeth chatter and my legs shake. everything around me was dead, the trees, the sky, the ground. I myself even felt dead. that, to me, was beautiful. I closed my eyes and inhaled through my nose, the icy air stinging the inside of my nostrils. opening my eyes, i flicked my cigarette and lifted it back up to my lips. but I paused.
quickly, I dropped the cigarette and stomped on it.
my heart started racing.
Katie walked across the sidewalk on the other side of the campus.
i looked around for any witnesses before trotting across the school yard to catch up with her.
she looked up at me from the sidewalk and stopped as I reached her side. her serious, sad looking expression instantly turned into a pretty smile.
"hi," I said and she pulled me in for an aggressively tight hug.
"I missed you." she mumbled, her face pressed into my jackey.
"yeah, I see that. I missed you too." I awkwardly hugged her back and stared at the parking lot full of cars, making sure we weren't seen. then I held her tighter.
"you didn't text me back." she said and pulled away from my arms.
"I've been busy, I just forgot."
"oh."
"anyways, what are you doing out here?" I questioned. I noticed she didn't even have a hoodie on.
"why do you smell like smoke?"
I blinked.
"uh- well I was hanging out with Austin earlier and um he was smoking."
"oh, okay."
"but why are you out here? where's your coat? aren't you freezing?" I pressed, but she ignored me and pulled me in for another hug. "alright well you need to get in the school before you catch a cold or freeze to death." I gently pushed her off of me and turned her around toward the school.
she sighed. "fine."
i stood still and watched her walk down the sidewalk to the school entrance.
it hurt watching her walk away even though I knew I would see her later on, she wouldn't walk right out of my life like that.
but we all worry.
whenever she left my sight, I'd begin to worry even if I knew right where she'd be.
i loved her through everything.
