I contemplated throwing out the pack of cigarettes I had just purchased. I sat in front of my steering wheel just staring at the small white and red cancer box. I was comforted by low hum of the engine and the emptiness of the vehicle where I was parked in front of the run down gas station. i checked the time on my phone. 10:19 p.m. a shadow crossed in front of my car. I glanced up and watched andria make her way into the entrance, pushing the door open and heading straight to the back. I followed her with my eyes, she seemed like she knew exactly what she was looking for. after grabbing a few items, she took a few looks at the liquor freezer on her way up to the register.
i squinted and leaned forward, trying to figure out what she was buying. she looked impatient, tapping her fingers on the counter.
in front of her, the cashier was ringing up a can of monster, two candy bars, and a small package of something but I couldn't see the label.
the cashier stuffed the contents into a bag and handed it to her over the counter. she thanked him and walked back out, passing in front of my car again.
i honked as she neared the front bumper. she jumped up and yelped, holding her hand to her chest. she looked at me and relaxed when she recognized me, an awkward giggle escaped her lips. but her nervous laughter turned into a mean mug.
i waved her over to me and she promptly approached my rolled down window.
"hey, what have you got there?" I referred to the bag.
she huffed and lifted the bag, looking at it.
"just a monster and some candy. I got bored." she shrugged.
"is that it?" I asked and started opening the pack of cigarettes.
"uh, yeah." she stood there awkwardly, waiting for the interaction to end.
"you need a ride?" I pulled a cigarette out of the pack and held it between my teeth.
she shook her head, watching me.
"are you okay?"
she nodded.
"you want a smoke?" I offered the pack.
she shook her head again.
"okay, see you at school then." I tossed the pack into the passenger seat and grabbed my lighter from the dash as she walked around the front of car and headed for the road.
i watched her for a moment more and lit my cigarette.
"it's not now or never. wait ten years, we'll be together."
"better late than never, just don't make me wait forever."
"don't make me wait forever."
"what?" Ian asked, looking up from his phone.
"hm?"
he tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. neither of us said nothing so he resumed his attention to a game on his phone.
"so are you coming with me and the gang to the twins house on monday?" I changed the subject, leaning back against the wall and taking a sip from my mcdonlads tea.
"I don't think so, me and Austin are going to see a play." he sighed and shoved his phone in the pocket of his jeans.
"a play? you like plays?" I smirked.
he rolled his eyes. "it was Austin's idea. his friend wrote it and she needed support so he asked me to come."
"like a date?" I teased, nudging his arm.
"yeah, sure. you know I don't do dates. that's your thing."
"so what's this play called?" I prodded, trying to sip the remainder of the tea from the straw obnoxiously.
"collateral beauty, I don't know it sounds gay."
i choked and spat out my tea.
"we arrived at a room which he closed the door and locked. i cried again telling him no but he didn't listen.
he aggressively pinned me up onto the wall as i struggled against his grip. he forcefully kissed me, with one hand pushing down my shorts. i bit his bottom lip hard to try and stop the kiss from happening, tears slid down my face, just wanting this to end."
my head started spinning, I felt a wave of shock down my spine as my knees gave in and my hands planted into the concrete.
"grant, are you okay?" Ian gasped, kneeling down to my level.
"maybe if I wasn't drunk. maybe if he wasn't drunk."
"grant?" Ian turned my face towards him.
"just give me a second." I covered my face in my hands and winced.
my vision blurred and I closed my eyes. I rubbed them and opened them again, blinking until I could focus. there was a quiet ring in my right ear. Ian was gone, I was in my room. it looked clean, simple and orderly. but nothing was placed right. my bed was on the opposite side of the room, the light on my ceiling was red which threw off my vision. like it was mood lighting.
i got back up onto my feet and looked at my desk, my blue notebook seemed brand new. I picked it up.
"I don't suppose you could convince your lover to change his mind?"
"my 'lover' is my lover for a reason."
"just come with me."
"I'm afraid."
"So am I."
she looked at me with a hopeful gaze.
I offered my hand.
she took it.
