Katie and I were laying out across my bed, the light off. the tv was on but we payed no mind. hand in hand, we just kind of layed there and looked at each other every now and then as if we were communicating telepathically. I wished i was able to say whatever I wanted to her, but I could never keep a simple thought under control. sometimes when we sat in silence, I would prepare something to say in my head. perhaps something romantic. in all honestly, I feared love. I enjoyed being in love but sometimes it was intolerable, there's no way to control it.
the "L" word had only popped up once between us. she knew how afraid I was and I guess she could respect that, which made me feel more at ease.
i felt kind of bad that I wanted to take things slow but I was just so fucking paranoid about everything. any gesture she made, any bat of her eye, any goddamn breath. i would over think, my brain would jump to the worst case scenario.
judgement. that word alone made my skin crawl. I didn't want anyone knowing that me and Katie even knew about each other's existence.
her fingers caressed my palm. it tickled and I smiled.
"that feels weird." I said.
"does it?" she looked at me.
i looked at her. everytime I caught sight of those bright, pretty eyes my heart would skip a few beats.
"how does this feel?" she asked and slowly ran her hand across the rim of my pants, sliding her hand under my boxers.
"hey-" I grabbed her hand and tossed it back into her own bubble. "not now." I had no idea what to do, she had never touched me like that before. It took me by surprise.
"fine." she said and turned over on her side, her back facing me. "goodnight."
for a moment i layed there confused. had I just ruined a perfectly good moment?
i sighed and pulled her back against my chest, wrapping my arm around her.
she smiled and adjusted herself against my body, blatantly pushing her ass up against my dick. I bit my lip. I wanted her body but I wasn't sure if she was messing with me or if she wanted mine too.
she reached behind her and palmed at my bulge.
at that point I couldn't help myself, I started feeling my way up her shirt and kissing her neck. her back arched as I got a hand full of her breast.
"stop."
"what?" I paused.
"I don't like it." she stated and got up from the bed.
"but you-"
"it's weird."
i sat up. "my bad, I thought-"
"what are we watching?" she turned toward the tv.
I shrugged and picked up the remote, pressing info.
"family guy apparently," i handed katie the remote and got up, heading for the door. "you can watch whatever you want."
"where are you going?" she climbed back onto my bed.
"I left something in the car." I replied and walked out into the living room.
i stopped in my tracks. I guess I wasn't going out the car, the notebook was sitting right there on the arm of the couch. I looked over my shoulder back to my room, Katie wasn't looking.
hesitantly, I examined the spiral as I approached it.
i wasn't at all frightened, what all could a teleporting notebook do? I was just afraid of all the unanswered questions circling in my head.
as I reached my hand out to grab it, the lamp on the end table blew out.
"where's your car?" he asked in a tone that sounded more like a demand.
"it's just up here." I pointed beyond the trees.
"are you positive you have what I want? I'm not playing anymore games with you, Nelson. I have shit to do."
"I'm not fucking with you this time." I lied.
our pace slowed as we saw a vehicle coming our direction.
the headlights blinded me as it rolled past.
"so you got yourself a girlfriend, huh?"
"what?"
"a girl?"
"katie?" my breath quickened.
"yeah! that's her name. she seems pretty good for a weirdo like you." he chuckled.
"how'd you know about her?"
"I read your notebook."
