How to save a Life (Jalex)

Trying not to love you

“Trying not to need you is tearing me apart“

Slowly I entered the hospital room. Three eye pairs looked at me. Brown like chocolate, green like grass, another pair of brown eyes but not the same soft colour. The eyes of my best friends. My only friends.

“Could you please go outside, guys? I wanna talk to Jack. Alone.” Alex asked the others who nodded and went outside, Zack sending me a reassuring smile before leaving. And then I was alone with Alex. My best friend. My love. My partner in crime.

Alex patted on the spot next to him and I sat down on a chair, not wanting to lie down next to him. I would be so happy but I needed to be serious. “Why did you ran away, Jacky?”, he asked softly. His eyes were filled with worry and sadness. Did it hurt him so much seeing me leave? But why?

“The way you looked at me.. I only saw hate.. I thought you didn't want me to be here any more, so I left..” I mumbled. His eyes shot with hurt. “I don't hate you, Jack. You are my best friend and I love you. You're like a brother to me and I don't ever want to loose you!”

Ouch. Friend- and brozoned in one sentence. Not like I expected that he would feel anything more but it hurt to hear it from him. Of course, why should he love me any ways? I'm ugly. I'm dumb. I was so dumb to think someone like him could ever feel anything for me. And it is what I was, am and always will be: the best friend no one could ever love.

“Jack.. Please.. What's the matter? Why don't you smile your beautiful smile? Why don't you hug me like you would have done? Why do you look like you... you. Please.. I need you..”, he whispered. I looked at him, eyes full of confusion. What did he mean? “Don't leave me.. I know I'm a mess and I'm difficult to handle.. But.. Please.. You're the only one that can help me..”

“I would never ever leave you, Lex.. I need you, too. And you're not difficult, you've gone through so much shit and I admire you for your strength. I wish I could be as strong as you, but I'm not.” He opened his arms, he wanted to hug me, but I couldn't. I shook my head. He bit his lip and looked away. “Please, Jack.. I'm tired.. Go.. And tell the others that I don't want to see them before they've slept at least ten hours.”, he whispered and his voice cracked. I gulped. I made him cry. I didn't want to, but I did.

“See you..” With that I left him alone and went to Rian and Zack. They looked worried and Rian hugged me instantly. “What happened in there, Jay?” Zack asked softly. I gulped again and the tears I had hold back in Alex's room began to flow.

“I-I m-made him cry.. A-and he don't want to see anyone before we have slept.. Now h-he m-m-must hate me..”, I whispered. They looked at each other and then hugged me tight. “Alex won't ever hate you Jack. You're Jalex, you know?”, Zack tried to cheer me up but that made it even worse. “Why do you cry even more because of that..?”, Rian asked carefully. I looked him in the eyes. “Because I fucking love him.”

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Don't hate me, I know it's short but yeah, it was the perfect end :)

Song: Nickelback - Trying not to love you

I update ASAP ;)