How to save a Life (Jalex)

Lost it All

“I'm just trying to breathe, just trying to figure it out, because I built these walls to watch them crumbling down. I said, "Then I lost it all." Who can save me now?” (Black Veil Brides Lost it all)

Alex P.O.V.

Why was I so stupid and went away? Why didn't I stay with my friends? Why couldn't I let them help me? They don't want to hear from me now. They have to hate me now. Especially Jack. I mean.. I left him behind, I know he is alive because I helped him. But now I'm away and he has to live without me. But.. I need to realize what I'm feeling for him.

And I lost everything. Since I went away I hadn't sung one line of a song, I hadn't played my guitar, I barely ate and I looked like a homeless. I grew a beard. My hair looks greasy. I'm only skin and bones but that's what I wanted, right? I wanted to be skinny and now I am skinny, but I'm not happy with it. I want to lose even more weight, maybe I can be happy then.

Even the fans notice that something is wrong, I mean, they ask me 24/7 whether everything's okay. They ask my friends if I'm okay. They don't know either, even though they'd die to know. I mean, Zack is spamming me with messages but I don't answer him.

One thing I realized was that I didn't only left my friends but also my fans. They support us all the time and they are so thankful. Some of them only live because I sing and the lyrics of the songs help them. I'm their role model and now I don't even tell them whether I'm okay or not.

Because I left, I lost everything. And why did I leave? Because I was too weak to let my guards down. I was too afraid to break down the walls I build around myself.

And now I can't breath. My panic attacks are more frequent and most of the time when I had one, I wake up after I passed out. Luckily I hadn't hurt myself when I fell.

But that doesn't mean that I don't hurt myself at all. I still cut although this time I was afraid. What if I'd cut too deep? Nobody would care. I had hurt them all, why should they care about me? I left them. But now I needed them more than ever. I needed them to save me.

Jack P.O.V.

It still hurt. I saw pictures of A.. him. I was asked how he was everyday. I was asked if everything's okay with him. If I was okay. But what should I say? I miss him? I can't live without him? I'm not okay? He isn't okay? I don't know where he is? I don't even know how he is and that's the worst. I want to know how he is. I'm still his best friend, right? Of course I want to know what is going on in his life. I came to terms with it: I can't love him any more, but I won't give up being his best friend.

I hoped he wouldn't leave me down and just go away. He had promised me. But now? He had left. He didn't care whether I need him or not.

Rian and Zack are scared. First of him. We know he needs us, his friends. He left, so he needs to figure it out himself. Second of me. I barely ate and showered in the last few weeks. I lost more weight and the doctor said I would be in life danger if I lost more weight. Rian nearly freaked out and now he lives with me and makes sure I eat enough. I don't want to eat but who cares? I would want to if he would still be here but he isn't. Won't be.

I mean, because of him I broke down the walls I built, so I wouldn't get hurt. Because of him I allowed myself to show my feelings and accept myself a bit more. Because of him I'm more alive.

But he destroyed everything now. I will build walls again and hurt everybody who loves me, even though that would make me like him and I don't want to be the same way he is. He hurt the ones who love him the most.

And the worst part of it.. I still care about him. I still love him. I still want to wrap my arms around him and tell him that everything is going to be okay. I still want to see how he smiles. I still want to hear his voice singing the lyrics to our songs. I still want to do everything I did before he left.

But it destroys me. I'm crying most of the time and no one can help me but this guy from Baltimore who happened to become my best friend. The guy who shared my love to Blink 182. The guy who can sing like an angel. The guy who plays the guitar. The guy who saved so many lives by singing our songs. No one but Alexander William Gaskarth can help me.

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I know, I haven't updated for a while but here's the new update. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it and you all are okay :)

The video on the side is a trailer I made. Hope you guys enjoy watching it! :)

Love you guys.