How to save a Life (Jalex)

Head on Collision

“And it feels like I'm at an all-time low, slightly bruised and broken from our head on collision. I've never seen this side of you, another tragic case of feeling” (New Found Glory – Head on Collision)

Jack P.O.V.

As soon as I was home again, I took care of Alex. Almost instantly after I entered our flat that we shared for a few years now, he jumped at me and hugged me tightly. I stroke lightly over his back, whispering soothing words in his ear. He was shaking so badly, I was scared he would break down at any moment.

“It is okay now, Lex.. I'm here and I won't go at any time soon..”, I whispered and kissed his forehead. He pressed himself even more against me and began to silently cry against my chest. I nuzzled my nose into his hair and breathed his unique smell in. He smelled like a mix of the sweetest chocolate, like vanilla, and like happiness. I knew happiness wasn't an actual aroma, but his smell had such an calming effect, it always made me realize how happy I was with him. He was my happiness and I was scared he would be taken away from me and with him my happiness.

“I was so scared”, he sniffed, “I was so scared I couldn't do it any more and would actually try to do it again... I-I can't live without you any more, I need you here, even though I don't want to be such a burden to you.”

I sighed. “Alex, you know that's not true. You are no burden to me and I'm doing this because I know that you would do the same for me, if I ever needed you to do it. But the most important reason why I do it, is because I fucking love you. How often do I need to say this? Because no matter how often you wanna hear it, no matter how loud I have to shout it, I will say it.” He let out a shaky, bitter laugh. “But why? Why do you waste your time on someone as worthless as me?”

He was looking straight to the floor and suddenly my veins filled with anger. “Are you fucking kidding me?! You are not fucking worthless! I mean, you are saving so many people, how can you think that your life has no sense?! You are saving me, ever since we know each other and are best friends! I don't give up because of you! And why the hell do you think you get this tweets saying how thankful these people are for us making music and you singing?! Do you really think they do this for fun?!”, I yelled at him, being obviously annoyed. His eyes widened in shock but I didn't care, I had so much weighing me down, it had to be said.

“And you think you are the only one who has their problems! Do you really think you are the only one?! I'm having an low, for years! My family hates me, especially after I got in the band with you guys! And they hate me because I'm a faggot. Do you know how it is to be told to be worthless?! Do you really think you have it bad?! My mother looked me straight in the eyes and told me she didn't even know me! Did your fucking perfect parents tell you something like that?!”

I was now trembling. I knew my parents weren't the best ones and Alex had it pretty bad, too, but I needed to say that. I erupted like an volcano because I had hold that back for too long.

Tears were flowing down his cheeks and I have never seen him more scared, to be honest. He looked like he was afraid of me hitting him. As if I'd do that. But suddenly the fear changed to something different. What was it? Fury?

“Yes, they did in case you have forgotten! They blamed Tom's death on me! And I am so freaking afraid of telling them that I am gay and you are too, because they love you more than they love me! You're not even their son, but they saw that you are so fucking hot and amazing, they loved you instantly! To them, I'm a failure, they won't even look at me without disgust. Yes, you have it hard, but did your brother commit suicide and left you?! No, he didn't!”, he yelled at me.

Honestly, I was shocked. I hadn't known that it was that bad. And was he serious with his parents? How could they love a friend of their son more than their son himself? “Lex, I didn't know.. Why didn't you ever tell me?”, I asked quietly. He sighed deeply and walked to the living room. I followed him, scared of his answer.

He sat down. I sat down next to him and gave his leg a gentle squeeze. He should be encouraged by it and it looked like he was. “I didn't tell you because I don't want you to feel bad about it. You would blame yourself for it. You are just everything they ever wanted me to be, you are gorgeous, funny, talented, charming and clever. For them I am a mistake, not even worth the air I breath.”, he whispered.

My feelings towards his parents were never really good because they blamed my wonderful Alex for his brother's death even though he was so innocent back then. Because of them his innocence was ripped away from him and he had to grow up so fast, too fast. But everything happens for a reason, right?

“It may seem harsh and insensitive, but maybe it is a good thing our parents are like this. I don't know if we were such good friends wouldn't they be so hateful towards us. I mean, everything has its reason why it happens and the reason of it was that we would eventually fall in love with each other and mend our hearts.” He looked at me and smiled slightly.

“I never thought of it this way. I don't remember you being so inspirational but honestly, this new side of you is fucking hot.”

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Today is an anniversary for me, my account is one year old now! So, a "birthday" chapter! :3

School started again, so I'll hardly have time. I have more subjects, some only one half of the year so I have to write good grades etc. And I have more subjects now, so I have long school, which means less time for more and more homework :/ And of course I have my hobbys... We'll see when I will update, but I can't promise they will come regularly (they don't even come regularly now so yeah)

Have fun reading, see you next time!