How to save a Life (Jalex)

Bleeding out

“When the hour is nigh, and hopelessness is sinking in, and the wolves all cry to fill the night with horror. When your eyes turn red, and emptiness is all you know, with the darkness fed: I will be your scarecrow” (Imagine Dragons – Bleeding out)

Jack's P.O.V.

He looked worse than he did before. He lost so much weight, he was only skin and bones. The bags under his eyes even had bags and that probably meant that he didn't sleep much or not at all. And the worst thing was that he looked like he didn't care any more. He didn't give a shit about his health. He wasn't interested in whether his friends would care or not. He didn't care to be alive any more.

I still wanted to be there for him. Every second, every minute, every hour, every week, every year to my death. I wanted to be there to whip his tears away, tell him he was worth it. I wanted to be his knight in a shining armour to protect him from his fears and his panic attacks.

I just hopped that it hadn't gotten to the worst... I hopped he hadn't reached the point where every little inch of hope was sucked out of him, that would mean he was destined to death. I know, every living being is destined to death but if someone's lost every hope, he won't fight any more. They let their enemies beat them and maybe even kill them.

In Alex' case the enemies were inside of him, inside his head. His enemies were the demons settling in his head, poisoning his thoughts and actions. They nearly killed him like five times, so Alex was, to be honest, not the strongest person on this world.

Of course I knew how strong thoughts could be, they poisoned my mind, too. They still try to make me weak, to get me to do something I would regret, but I got stronger. I fought them, I believed my friends when they said I was worth it, that they loved me, that they would be there for me. They kept their promise, always. I'm still not okay, but I'm better. I'm good enough to help more, to be strong for my best friend, who needs me more than I need myself now.

Alex P.O.V.

I ran away. Again. Fuck it, where's the tough boy I knew? Oh right, I never really was tough, I always was this weak, fucked up, dumb kid. Born in Essex, moved to Baltimore. And maybe all my thoughts were right. Tom had killed himself because of me. If we hadn't had this fight, he would still be alive and happy. I'd still have my brother.

Suddenly my phone began to rang. I flinched and looked at it. Jack was calling. Should I answer his call? Or should I just ignore it, like I usually did? I shook my head. I can't run away any more, I had to learn to stand for my decisions. I should learn to accept my fate, even if this is the hardest thing to do. And I know that I'll probably never manage to do it. But the will to is a start, isn't it?

“What do you want, Jack?”, I asked as soon as I answered his call. I heard him sighing deeply and instantly regretted being so harsh.

“Can I come over? Please, we need to talk. And I promise, I'll come alone, I won't tell the guys I've seen you today or that I come to you. We have to sort things out, Alex.”

I gulped. Should I really say yes? I'm so afraid that he will blame everything on me. I knew it was all my fault but... No, no buts. He has every right to be pissed and to blame everything on me. At least the right one would be blamed then, right?

“Lex? Are you still there? Please, answer me, I'm scared”, Jack begged, his voice shaking. I heard the concern in his voice. “Yes, I am still here.. You can come over and- and talk to me.”, I sighed. The earlier we talked the better it would be.

~#~

Why did I say yes? Why on earth had I thought I would manage to talk to him? My breathing became rapid and unsteady, another panic attack was happening.

Jack saw it, hugged me tightly and drew small circles on my back. He whispered comforting words. I didn't respond to one of the things he said, just let his voice wash over me, let it calm me down. I was glad he came to be honest, otherwise I would have most likely passed out.

“Are you okay?”, he asked silently. I simply nodded and looked at him. “What did you want to talk about? If it's about the band or about the other boys, I'm still not ready to talk to them or to stand in front of a crowd. Hell, I can't even sing at the moment, how am I supposed to sing in front of so many people?”, I rambled but Jack just hugged me.

“It is okay, Lex. We will give you as much time as you want and as much as you need. We told the fans that we all need a break and that we will tell them when we are ready to do shows again. They understand it, they are okay with it, as long as we won't break up.”

I smiled slightly. “But what is the matter? Why would you want to talk with me?”

“Alex, I want to be there for you. I want to hold you, I want to be there when you have a panic attack. I want to whip away the tears, I want to protect you from your demons. I want to give you hope, I want to see your eyes shining like they once did. I want to be the best friend, that scares away all your demons, like a scarecrow scares away the crows. Please, don't shut me out, like Elsa did with Anna. I need you and I know that you need me.”

______________________________________________________-

Dedicated to @IvethCx because she voted for almost every chapter of this story c: Thank you!

Short chapter, I know. It was hard to write and I'm still not happy with it, but I don't want you to wait any longer, so yeah.

See you next time :)