How to save a Life (Jalex)

Perfectly out of key

“I'm not allowed to be anyone else but me, so I try to take apart my head from time to time. And I'm not resolute so when I need help, well, I would ask you and I would try to be polite. And sometimes I like living in my own world, disconnected and so naive” (The Maine – Perfectly out of Key)

Alex P.O.V.

Being famous meant that I had that image. The image of the perfect, caring, funny, caring, always happy guy from Baltimore. I loved my fans, I really really did, but sometimes it was so hard to not be anything else but the guy from this picture. They assumed I was like this and would be disappointed when the true me would somehow show. I mean, in reality I was the complete opposite of what I show on stage and pretend to be on there.

I had been this guy and sometimes I was still the same. Just because you're depressed, doesn't mean that you can't have a good day and on tour I had many good days, thankfully. The energy of our concerts made me feel more alive and happy. I just loved how the fans would sing the lyrics back. This feeling was unbelievable and gave me a few lucky hours. I felt like I was high and I was addicted to this feeling. I would never ever do drugs nor would I drink much, just because Tom died because he drank too much.

But as soon as this high was over, reality hit me again. Sometimes so hard that I had a hard time to recover.

So, I was wearing a mask all the time and it was hard to be honest. Sometimes I had to rip this face of, the face of the old, happy me. Sometimes I just needed to be me, more than anything else. On tour it would show that I had worn the mask for too long when I got a panic attack what didn't happen too often on tour. I was usually really happy and this crazy guy most of the people know, or at least think to know, on tour and when I had an panic attack the fans would freak out with concern and the whole team would, too.

The only one I allowed to see behind this façade was Jack, but not even he could always be there. I was scared to trust him too much even though he was there from the beginning. We didn't really like each other from the start, like many of our fans think. We had to get to know each other and our relationship got slowly better. We were just normal people like any other human being on this earth. Many forgot that and treated us like gods. They forgot that we were just like them, but we got the chance to do what we loved: making music.

Today was one of these days where I couldn't hold my façade up. I didn't really try to be honest, at home I could be myself. I just had to make sure my Mom wouldn't find out about it. She would instantly force me to go to therapy again and I didn't want to. I hated it to guts, I already had when Tom had died. She thought it would be the best to help me to cope with his dead, but it wasn't. Therapy only made it harder and I was so happy as soon as I hadn't had to go any more.

I dialled Jack and he answered instantly. “Alex, is everything okay? Shall I come over? It would be no problem.”, he began to talk. Normally this would make me smile but today I was so deep in my thoughts, so deep down in this hole I called depression, not even Jack could reach out for me.

“J-Jack? P-pl-please, I n-need you.. M-my thoughts.. They become stronger a-a-again..”, I whispered. I heard a loud thud and a door being thrown close. “I will be at yours in like.. 10 minutes? Please, don't do anything you'd regret. I don't want the same thing like the last time to happen again... Alex, I need you”

I gulped, not being able to respond properly. I knew he was right and he was worried like hell. And I realized, this was like the last time I called him. This time was different, I hoped. I didn't want my friends to go through this again.

“Alex? Listen to music or... or watch something funny, like Spongebob! I will hurry but you know, the traffic won't always do what I want.”, he continued. “T-thanks Jack.”, I mumbled and ended the call.

As he arrived, I was watching some sort of show for kids, it seemed to be okay and was even funny, I think it's called 'Drake&Josh' or something like that. The little sister, Megan I think, was always playing tricks on her brothers. Drake wanted to be a rock star and did everything he could, playing gigs and so on. Josh was so responsible and tidily but somehow the writers had managed to make him funny, too. I thought, I liked this show.

“Everything's okay?”, a voice asked and I jumped up, just to see Jack standing behind me. He smiled reassuringly and sat down beside me.

“Are you feeling good enough to talk about it? Or do you want to talk about something else? Or we could simply watch TV, it is your choice.”

I thought about it and then smiled slightly. “I don't really want to talk about it but we can watch TV and maybe cuddle? I miss the old times, we used to cuddle a lot more than we do these days..”, I mumbled and realized how stupid that had to sound.

But Jack just smiled and engulfed me in a warm, comforting hug. He could give the best hugs possible, they always made me feel better. He always managed to make me feel better.

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New chapter!

Awww, Alex likes to cuddle c: And of course he only calls Jack when he feels low.. ;)

Dedicated to BlueEyePhantom for commenting and voting for every chapter! c:

Till next time!