How to save a Life (Jalex)

Crash

I know you will hate me after this chapter.

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“Hold me now 'cause I couldn't even if I tried, it's over now, I guess it really is my time. I don't want to go but it's time I gotta say goodbye, so hold me now 'cause this will be our last time. I'm slowing down and I don't think that I can fight. I know somehow you'll find a way to live your life, remember just to live everyday like it's your last, and hold me now 'cause I think it's time for me to pass. I don't wanna die, I don't know why, this kind of fate was meant for me. You gotta be strong, gotta move on, it's not how it was supposed to be. What do I say, it was never supposed to end up this way, what do I have to do, was supposed to grow old with you. But that ain't gonna happen, no that ain't gonna happen” (Sum 41 – Crash)

Alex P.O.V.

“You know what?! Fuck you! I just don't have the power to fight for you any more! I mean, no matter how often I tell you that you aren't worthless or stupid or pathetic, you just don't believe me and begin to slice your wrists like their some kind of paper! I can't help you and seriously, I don't have the power to try any more! Go and do what you want, hurt yourself or drown in pity! I just need to get out of here. Don't call me, I won't answer anyways.”

I glared after him but as the door was closed, I broke down. This day already started badly and it wasn't even noon yet. First I burned the food I tried to cook for Jack who was pissed because he overslept and was tired as hell. To make things worse I dropped his favourite cup which was made by his nephew. He shortly yelled at me, but apologized five minutes later.

But then he caught me doing what I could do best. He came in the bathroom as I just put the razor against my skin. To make things worse, I added already around three cuts to my collection. It probably send him off.

Now he was gone. I could never see him again, he would end our relationship and maybe even kick me out of the band. But that's what I deserved right? I deserved to be treated like that, I-

No! I had to stop thinking like this! That was the fucking reason he left! I had to stop and maybe even get professional help, it couldn't go on like that! I needed Jack but to get him back, I would have to show him that I truly meant it and changed. That I fought for us, too.

I couldn't think of the morning without me ending up crying. Why didn't I run after him? Why did this happen to my beautiful boyfriend? He shouldn't be lying in this hospital bed, covered in bandages, hooked to an IV and a heart monitor. He should be in our flat, he should write songs, he should make some of his shitty jokes, fuck, we could cuddle and kiss right now!

I gently stroke over his cheek. He looked so vulnerable but I didn't like it. He was always so strong, he never let anything hurt him. Even as he had had his surgery a few years ago it didn't stopped him from making a Keek and telling all the fans he was alright. It didn't stopped him from telling me that I would get better as I broke down crying next to him.

Now I realized how important he was to me. Of course, I knew he was important but not how big his influence on me really was. Without him I wouldn't have made it, I wouldn't even have survived High School. He made me feel so important, so loved and didn't even expect me to give him anything in return. He protected me, he stood by my side, no matter how much of a douche I sometimes was.

And I never really showed him that I loved him or was so thankful that he still stuck with me. Yeah, of course I did say I loved him but was that enough? Did Jack really know how much he meant to me? What if he didn't? I just needed to tell him, to make sure he did know. But what if the doctor was right and he didn't wake up any more?

“Jack.. Please.. Op-open your eyes one last time.. I didn't tell you how much you mean to me and I need to do it.. P-please..”, I whispered, my voice broken and defeated. He showed no sign that he could hear me, like he was already gone. But he wasn't, the heart monitor still showed curves and not just a simple flat line.

But then his eyes fluttered open. I almost cried out in relief but I fought the urge to do so back and clutched his hand instead. He smiled slightly but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. And they didn't shine in their usual way, they were dull and only half opened. To see him like that broke my heart but I had to stay strong, for him.

“Jack.. I love you so much and I'm so sorry I didn't even realize how fucking much you mean to me earlier. We could be sitting on the couch and watch some dumb show and cuddle.. I don't want you to die, I need you so fucking much, without you I wouldn't even be here today.. You saved me and I-I was too weak to s-save you. I-I-I'm so so so s-s-sorry!”, I cried and buried my head on his chest. He softly stroke over my hair.

“Lexy.. Don't talk”, he whispered. “I will die, yes, and I love you so much, I don't want to.. You are my everything and now I have to leave you alone.. We were fucking supposed to grow old together but now fate decided to tear us apart. Could.. Could you please do me a favour?”

I nodded anxiously and sat up. Again I took his hand in mine and he smiled. This was more genuine than the last one, so my hope that he could survive this grew. “Hold me in your arms and don't let me go, not even when this line goes flat.. And when I'm dead.. Don't push Zack or Rian away, they will lose one of their closest friends, too. You can grieve but someday... Promise you that someday you will love again. You are strong enough to move on, you showed me everyday that you are. Please, promise me this...”

I gulped. I should forget him? The only one I could ever love?

“I could never forget you, Jack... And don't talk like that, you're gonna make it through this, I know you can. You promised me to never leave me, did you forget that? You can't leave me now, I promised to get over everything and I will go to therapy, I'll take that fucking medicine, I'll do everything you want me to do, but please, please don't leave me. Not now!”, I whispered between my sobs.

He sighed. “Lex.. Please..” I shook my head. “You won't die now! You will live!”, I shouted.

Jack opened his arms and I clutched onto him. “You just can't...”, I whispered. “We both know that it will happen...”, he whispered. “The life is leaving me right now.. I get weaker with every second... I love you, Alexander William Gaskarth..”

He closed his eyes and shortly after that... The line went flat. An annoying beeping sound started to echo through the room.

“I love you too, Jack Bassam Barakat.”

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You hate me now, do you? Of course you do, I killed Jack ;_; But I cried while writing it, so I'm not some heartless bitch! :o

AND this is the last chapter of How To Save A Life :( BUT maybe I'm writing a sequel! ;3

So, now you have the right to kill me.

*runs away and hides somewhere in the bedroom*