DreamCity

Part 10

June 5

       Last night was simply...interesting.  Collin met me at the restaurant.  He apologized profusely for not calling, but he had to go out of town on business.  Over dinner, he presented me with a pair of diamond studs.  I was floored!  They were gorgeous. I'm taking them in to get appraised this afternoon.  Could be rent money if times get tight enough.

He was so sweet the whole night.  He also gave me a copy of the screenplay for his thesis film.  I'm going to read it later.  We went back to his place and we ran into a few problems.  Let's just say, there were no little blue pills around when we needed them.  I'm going to try and not develop a complex, because these things do happen...I guess.  I tried everything, but no luck.  After we were both sufficiently frustrated, we wound up just staying up and talking.  He told me about his father and how he stepped in and raised Collin when his mom started drinking.  His dad was this workaholic perfectionist, which served him well because Collin's a trust fund baby; his dad set him up something nice.  The past few years, Collin's been a professional student.  He already has a law degree from Stanford, now he's finishing up his MFA in directing at USC.

Even with all he's accomplished, Collin still feels like he disappointed his father.  I told him I knew exactly how he felt (minus the accomplishments) and I wrapped my arms around him and that's how we fell asleep.

Kandi left a message for me.  She said she was able to set up the meeting with her agent for Friday morning.  She shot her commercial and she said it would be airing in the next couple of weeks.  She's going to come with me to hear Cynda tonight.  I told Collin to come if he's not busy. 

It's weird that we have this intense yet unlabeled thing going on with us.  Neither of us has brought up the "r" word.  It has been conspicuously absent from our conversation.  On the one hand, I want to say it's too soon, but on the other hand, I want to know why he hasn't brought it up. 

I remember this one guy I dated, also a native Angeleno, asked me if I just wanted to "hang out," aka friends with benefits.  I mean really, what do men think sometimes?  Being in a situation where you know from the jump it's not going anywhere is like being in a car and just driving around aimlessly.  Speaking of which...Shawn sent me a pretty postcard from Monterey.  She's back in New York, back at the grindstone.  She's tripping because she just found out Thomas' wife is pregnant. 

"You're surprised she's pregnant?" I asked her.  "What, did he tell you they weren't having sex?"

Her attitude was in full effect.  She was mad at herself for being mad.  Shawn compartmentalizes everything and likes to think she's above jealousy.  Right.  Glad to see she's finally joining the rest of us common folk.  He's coming to New York next weekend to smooth things out with her.  I told her now was the time to cut him loose since he will always be connected to his wife because of this child.  She will never come first with him.  She likes to think that because she's so busy with her career, she doesn't need to come first with anyone.

When I was involved with Trent, I was so into him.  Into us.  Because of his marriage, we didn't exist except for the time when we were together.  For awhile I was able to accept that, but when the afterglow faded, I realized it simply wasn't enough.  Once I accidentally ran into him and his wife at a restaurant and I saw that he looked at her the same way he looked at me and the fog lifted. I realized that what we had wasn't special at all. 

That's when I knew I had to get over him and the only way I could do that would be to not have access to him.  So I decided to move out here and focus on my acting.  I don't know how many times I played Brian McKnight's "One Last Cry" while I was packing.  I put that sucker on repeat for three days straight until one of my neighbors finally came by and told me, "Get over it already."  You gotta love New Yorkers.

June 6

Why did my mother call me at the crack hour of 7:30 a.m.?  She had the nerve to say she didn't think I'd be home, so she was planning on leaving a message. I had to ask...why would she call if she didn't think I would be home?  And secondly, what could be so important that it couldn't wait a few hours?  Anyway, she gave me the pitch (again) to pack up and come back home.  Apparently, Anita painted a dire situation that called for intervention.  Aside from a headache, my mom promised to send me $300 since I was low on cash.  I stalled by telling her I would think about coming home.  Of course I had her Western Union the money though. I need to get her hip to PayPal to make it easier.

Moving on to much more pleasant things...Cynda was fabulous last night!  The little club was packed.  Kandi and I managed to squeeze up to the front and staked out a spot there.  Cynda mostly performed covers of Billie Holiday songs.  She's got a stage show that is a cross between Erykah Badu and Dean Martin.  She lights up incense and candles and drinks a martini during her performance.  She wore this slinky black dress that fit tighter than skin and was barefoot.  She did one original song which she wrote and the crowd almost lost their minds.  It was this slow groove, something that Maxwell would probably do...you know, abstract lyrics, acoustic everything. 

Her band was on point too. Rick was actually pretty good (sober for once).  After the show, he said he would look at my car because Cynda told him I was having problems.  That was nice of him.

I didn't see or hear from Collin.  Why am I not surprised?

I love Maddie, but she's always getting into something.  She knocked over the roses that Collin sent me and has been using my futon frame as a scratching post.  Kandi told me to get a water bottle and to spray her every time she does something bad.  Unfortunately, Maddie happens to like water.

I asked Kandi about that freak Craig and she told me she didn't really know him.  He tried to hit on her at the grocery store and they exchanged numbers.  When he called, she told him about me!  I can't believe her!  She totally set me up with this psycho stranger who won't leave me alone.  I see on my caller ID that's he called six times and hasn't left a message.  At least I haven't seen him around here lately.  I should probably block his number.  Am I turning into a L.A. person or what?  If I were back home, I would just tell him to go screw himself because I'm not interested. 

Maybe I should go back home for a few days to get my edge back.  I miss the bluntness of the East Coast.  Out here, you never know where you stand with people until after you're pulling the machete out of your back.

I saw Arden in a picture of guests at a premiere party.  The picture was on the back page of Variety.  She was there with Shane!  Maybe I'm too nice and I need to just do whatever it is I have to do to get where I want to go.  Seems to work for everyone else around here. 

June 7

Finally had the chance to read Collin's screenplay.  It's actually pretty good.  I should give him my headshot and resume since he hasn't started casting yet.  I think he said technically, he finished the program. He was doing an extra semester in the fall so he could finish his film.  I get the feeling that he's a perfectionist and has spent a lot of time on the script. 

I got an assignment to work at ICM for two days.  I'm filling in for one of the assistants in the talent department.  The agent I'm working for seems to be pretty cool, although I can sense she's high-strung.  Today, basically I answered the phones and just took messages for her.  She closed her office door and said she didn't want to be disturbed.  The few times she did surface she wanted me to get some director or producer on the phone.  I had to dial the number and get the person on the line before she would pick up.  Hollywood.

I read the trades and the breakdowns all before 11 a.m. Got to see all the roles I'm not being submitted for...yet. Have to remember the whole positive thinking thing only works if you do it. I didn't see many roles that I fit. I'm either too old, too young, too ethnic or not ethnic enough. My time is going to come. I just have to keep believing.