DreamCity

Part 16

 August 3

My audition went so well for the play, I can honestly say, I got the part.  Everything just clicked and I could feel the charge in the air.  I saw that "look" in the director's eyes that let me know I nailed it.  He didn't ask about Collin and I didn't mention him either. 

Cynda met with the A&R people at Arista and it looks as though girlfriend is thisclose to getting a deal.  The A&R guy, Keith, loves her music and he's going to talk to his boss and try and get the process rolling.  I'm so excited for her.  She's on the cusp of her big break.  Rick came over while I was there.  He looked a little better, like he stopped using.  Of course I could feel that three was getting to be a crowd, so I congratulated her again and then split.  I wandered up to Q's place, so I could share my good news with him.

Somehow or another, we got into this whole big debate about Tupac being alive.  I don't understand how otherwise smart people can buy into the conspiracy theories that are floating around.  I think if 'Pac is still alive, he and Elvis are somewhere recording an album together.  Then of course we got off on the discussion about the lack of risks displayed by today's artists.  I mean except for a handful, the rest of them are doing this retread music.  No originality.  That's why I think Cynda is just going to explode onto the music scene. 

I asked Q if he liked what he was doing.  Did he want to be a programmer say, five, ten years from now?  He liked computers and eventually wants to set up shop somewhere on his own.  I wanted to know if he was happy going to work though.  That's always where the discussion begins to fall apart between Mommy and me.  She doesn't believe you have to be happy with your job, because it's just a job and one should be thankful that they're employed in the first place. 

He said he was happy, not ecstatic, but he liked he what he did.  When he stopped liking it, he would step.  I had to smile, because he understood.

August 4

My agent called and is sending me out on a few auditions.  Things truly seem to be picking up.  One audition is for a feature film.  A small part, but the film is going to be huge.  He said there was already Oscar buzz surrounding the script.  I just had to say "whatever."  Everyone wants to believe their project is the next big thing.  And in Hollywood, it very well may be, since everything has a life span of 15 minutes.

I spoke to Daddy today.  He's back home and feeling a little better.  The paralysis the doctors feared wasn't permanent, so he is walking around.  Not much though.  His speech is a little slurred.  I think being so close to death gave him a new perspective on life.  We actually had a good conversation, he sounded interested to know what was going on in my life.  I told him about my Ally McBeal spot and he promised he would watch it.  For a few moments, I felt really connected to him.  No matter how fleeting the feeling, I'm glad I had it.

I sent Simon's book back to him.  Finally finished reading it.  It was pretty cool.  I wonder if he's thinking about making a movie out of it.  Didn't see a role in there for a young black woman though. 

Kandi's seeing some actor or comedian and wants me to hang out with them tonight.  Don't know why.  They're going to some club called Peanuts.  She hasn't been to it either but her date told her it was pretty cool.

August 5

I'm going to have to stop rolling with Kandi.  Went to Peanuts last night and it's a fucking lesbian strip club or some shit like that.  Her date Mark was very much into the scene and once he got in, he forgot all about Kandi.  Apparently, men have to bring two or three women in order to be allowed into the club.  It's the total Hollywood scene on the down low.  I saw some faces I would have never expected to see.  Only in Hollywood will you find that sexual orientation is trendy, a thing that's "in" for the moment.  Or out, depending on the person.

Kandi was pissed of course, but she didn't tell Mark.  She just fumed to me the whole time.  To me, it was like this alternative world.  I've never been to a strip club before so my senses were assaulted.  It was so crowded in there, I felt claustrophobic.  Finally I just left.  I told Kandi I would catch a cab home.  She halfway looked like she wanted to also, but Mark looked like he was having a very good time.  Guess she wanted to make sure he didn't have too good of a time.

While waiting for a cab, this guy starts talking to me.  I gave him the cold shoulder.  I'm standing outside of a lesbian joint, he probably things I'm down for the whole menage a' trois thing.  He even went as far as to offer me a ride home.  It wasn't until he was walking away that I recognized him as some TV actor.  Freak.

 August 6

Got the word, I'm in.  The lead role of the play is mine.  Rehearsals start on Monday.  We'll rehearse for two weeks (very intense) and then we run for three weeks.  I can't wait to get back to the stage.  I haven't done any theater since I moved to L.A..  It's not exactly the hub for stage work, but the scene is bigger than what most people believe.  I love doing theater because you're right in the middle of it all, the reaction from the audience is instantaneous.  That type of high is unbelievable.  Of course, the money is no where near what you make on a TV show.  It's hard to compare $40,000 a week to audience response.  Although, hell, sitcoms are taped in front of a live audience....

I feel like my big break is right around the corner.  It's just this sense of expectancy that's settled over me.  I'm ready too.  I've been in the game for a little while.  No overnight success story here.  Keith over at Arista called Cynda up.  He wants her to come in and meet his boss.  They want her.  Hopefully, they can all agree on the deal points and get her back in the studio to cut her first album. 

Kandi goes under the knife next week.  Surprise, surprise, she and Mark are no longer seeing one another.  I thought I made bad choices in men, but Kandi definitely has me beat by a mile. 

August 7

Mommy called me.  Princess Anita has been temporarily dethroned.  She lost her job due to downsizing.  Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for her, but it's not like she's going to be starving or anything.  Her severance package should be fat.  What I am a little bitter about is how Mommy never really truly appreciates my accomplishments.  She has this habit of twisting around everything I say.  I told her about the Ally McBeal taping and the upcoming play.  She has to turn it around to she hopes I don't become anorexic and if I wanted to do plays, "why didn't I stay in New York?"

"There's no Broadway in L.A.," she reminded me.  As if I didn't know that already.

I give up.  We are just never going to see eye to eye.  I love her but it just saddens me because our worlds are just so far apart and growing farther apart every day.

Q, Cynda and I went to Manhattan Won Ton for dinner to celebrate our successes.  Q had something to celebrate also, he was promoted to head geek, I mean he received some type of promotion, Sr. Programmer or something like that.  So we were all in good spirits at dinner.  I love the restaurant because not only is the food good, the atmosphere is very relaxing.  The interior looks like someone's house the way the rooms are set up.  I had to have my shrimp toast, which is absolutely divine. It was so hot out, that we decided to eat on the patio.  The place was packed, its right off of LaCienga on Little Melrose.  All night long all you could hear was laughter, the clinking of glasses and chatter.  It seems as though everyone had a reason to celebrate.

Q asked Cynda and me, as artists, would we ever sell out?

"On what level?" I wanted to know.  Because of course, there's personal, professional, and racially.

"You know, would you ever play a part, or sing a song that was in direct contradiction to what you believe in, or how you were raised?"

Cynda and I looked at one another and said at the same time, "depends on how much money."

Cynda laughed and said she would never go pop just for the sake of being pop.  Me?  I would never do gratuitous nudity, but would I play a stereotype?  I would hope as an actress, I could bring something to any role and raise it out of the confines of stereotyping.

Not exactly the "hell no" Q was looking for, he just shook his head, but he's always had a job.  Easy to be moralistic when you know where your next meal is coming from.  Then again, you never truly know what you're going to do until after you've done it.